What has gone before:
On September 28, 1999, I sat at my desk wasting time at a
job I was eventually laid off from. While surfing, I ran across
a Top Ten list that had been presented on The Late Show with
David Letterman on August 25, 1999. The topic for the evening
was the Top Ten Bad Things About Having Darth Vader As A Roommate.
It was funny, but in my smugness, I knew I could do better.
I picked a different Star Wars character, made up 10 jokes
and shot it off to my future Co-Editor Derek McCaw and some
friends. Before long, four of us had generated 25 different
Top Ten lists using the same premise and a variety of characters,
from common (Han Solo) to names only Fanboys that had collected
the toys knew (Nute Gunray.)
A few weeks ago, while going through some old documents,
I unearthed our lists and figured the FanboyPlanet readers
might enjoy it for a laugh or two. I've selected some of the
funnier lists and freshened up a few of the jokes. At last
we reach the end...for now.
And now…
The Top Ten Bad Things About Having R2-D2 As A Roommate
10. Never stops talking about his secret mission.
9. He's always hanging out with that femmy C-3P0.
8. Won't serve drinks at your parties, but will at Jabba's
parties. Kissass.
7. Electricity bill three times higher than with a normal
roommate.
6. Shows naked chicks with his holo-viewer, but only for a few seconds.
5. Takes forever to turn off the garbage compactor.
4. Doesn't understand the binary language of moisture vaporators.
3. Oil baths leave a ring in the tub.
2. Can open Cloud City doors and access the Death Star computers, but can't turn off the lights when he leaves a room.
1. At night, the sound of a weeping midget trapped inside
him makes it hard to sleep.
The Top Ten Bad Things About Having A Wampa For A Roommate
10. Eats like a damn pig.
9. You can't ever wear black clothing because of his damn fur.
8. Sounds like Alderaan exploding when he snores.
7. You can always smell him before you see him.
6. You're never going to be able to sand wampa claw marks out of your hard wood floor.
5. Always has the AC cranked way up.
4. Nail clippings on the carpet could kill you.
3. Wampas are not box trained.
2. Snow in the kitchen, snow in the stereo, snow in the bathtub...
1. Always some weird friend of his hanging around.
The Top Ten Bad Things About Having Admiral Ackbar For A Roommate
10. You think Vader has asthma...
9. Gets touchy if you call him a squid (for more than one reason).
8. Always seems to be watching you, no matter which way he's facing.
7. Says things like "Please pay the rent, on my mark."
6. Gets quiet when you talk about all the battles before Endor.
5. Swears those aren't his sucker marks inside the fish tank.
4. Has General Madine over a lot... in his room... Hmmm....
3. Goes on about "I really thought the Death Star wasn't operational..."
2. Insists he won't eat seafood, but smells like he has.
1. Thinks everything is a trap. "Garbage pickup is late; It's a trap!"
For the first set of lists, go
here.
For the second set of lists, go
here.
For the third set of lists, go
here.
