What has gone before:
On September 28, 1999, I sat at my desk wasting time at
a job I was eventually laid off from. While surfing, I ran
across a Top Ten list that had been presented on The Late
Show with David Letterman on August 25, 1999. The topic for
the evening was the Top Ten Bad Things About Having Darth
Vader As A Roommate.
It was funny, but in my smugness, I knew I could do better.
I picked a different Star Wars character, made up 10 jokes
and shot it off to my future Co-Editor Derek McCaw and some
friends. Before long, four of us had generated 25 different
Top Ten lists using the same premise and a variety of characters,
from common (Han Solo) to names only Fanboys that had collected
the toys knew (Nute Gunray.)
Last week while going through some old documents, I unearthed
our lists and figured the FanboyPlanet readers might enjoy
it for a laugh or two. I've selected some of the funnier lists
and freshened up a few of the jokes. We will be rolling out
a couple of the lists each week so as not to beat this Bantha
to death too quickly.
And now…
Top Ten Bad Things About Having The Emperor For A Roommate
10. When playing Nintendo, often says, "Your feeble skills are no match for the power of the Darth Wario."
9. Fire insurance premiums went through the roof when they found out about those lightning bolts.
8. Dating Oola, but doesn't like it to get around.
7. Takes all the mail addressed to Senator Palpatine, Darth Sidious, The Emperor and occupant.
6. Complains that his video phone makes him look like a monkey in a rubber mask.
5. Refers to Darth Vader, Darth Maul and Count Dooku as "his
bitches."
4. He's not very forgiving.
3. Quietly mutters "they had no idea I was evil" and then laughs to himself.
2. Has a secret love for Gungans.
1. He wears his robe "commando" style.
The Top Ten Bad Things About Having Mace Windu For A Roommate
10. Never bothers cleaning up after shaving his head.
9. Wants to name his son Lando.
8. Always wants a bite of your burger.
7. Uses Jedi mind tricks to convince you it's your turn to do the dishes.
6. He never washes that robe.
5. Think the greatest living comedian is the black guy from Police Academy.
4. When he calls you "The Man," you get the feeling he
doesn't mean it in the good way.
3. Complains that Yoda oppresses his Dark Side.
2. Talks during movies and says things like "You go girl" and "Dang, he got jacked up!"
1. Doesn't like it when you call him Macey.
The Top Ten Bad Things About Having Dengar For A Roommate
10. Uses all the toilet paper to wrap his head.
9. Constantly making "goo goo" eyes at his new wife.
8. Looks eerily like Johnny Cash in body armor.
7. He's the complete opposite of a "metrosexual."
6. Is forever droning on about how he is the only one who
knows what Boba Fett's face AND ass look like.
5. That "oooh, I'm a mummy" bit gets real old.
4. Will not shut up about how "that bastard Solo ruined my
life!"
3. Early-Empire cybernetics squeak when it's cold.
2. That blaster of his is just too phallic for anyone's good.
1. Proudly displays Imperial torture scars while running around
in the nude.
For the first set of lists, go
here.
