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Star Wars Today's Date:

A Long Time Ago On a Late Night Far Far Away...

On September 28, 1999, I sat at my desk wasting time at a job I was eventually laid off from. While surfing, I ran across a Top Ten list that had been presented on The Late Show with David Letterman on August 25, 1999. The topic for the evening was the Top Ten Bad Things About Having Darth Vader As A Roommate.

It was funny, but in my smugness, I knew I could do better. I picked a different Star Wars character, made up 10 jokes and shot it off to my future Co-Editor Derek McCaw and some friends. Before long, four of us had generated 25 different Top Ten lists using the same premise and a variety of characters, from common (Han Solo) to names only Fanboys that had collected the toys knew (Nute Gunray.)

Last week while going through some old documents, I unearthed our lists and figured the FanboyPlanet readers might enjoy it for a laugh or two. I've selected some of the funnier lists and freshened up a few of the jokes. We will be rolling out a couple of the lists each week so as not to beat this Bantha to death too quickly.

And now…

The Top Ten Bad Things About Having Princess Leia For A Roommate

10. Will only wear that slave-girl outfit when the Hutts come over.
9. Uses that on-again, off-again English accent, and the bitch is from Alderaan!
8. Insists on having those freakin ewoks over for diplomatic discussions once a week.
7. Flaunts her incestuous relationship with her brother.
6. Is forever bragging about the time she "took one for her man in the battle of Endor"
5. Refuses to do dishes, claiming that she's royalty despite the fact that she's adopted.
4. Stinky Mon Calamari friends
3. Tapes her tits down, denying any chance that you may actually get to enjoy some jigglin'.
2. Ratted out Dantooine in hopes of saving her beanie baby collection on Alderaan.
1. One word - pricktease

The Top Ten Bad Things About Having Boba Fett For A Roommate

10. Loves to "polish the armor" if you know what I mean.
9. Claims that Slave 1 could make the Kessel run in less than 11 parsecs if he felt like it.
8. When drunk, always tells the story about when Dengar "saved his bacon".
7. Sometimes you just know he's making faces at you under that helmet.
6. Uses his wrist rockets when he can't find the remote control.
5. When you are watching TV, he will walk right in front of it, turn, look at you and then walk off.
4. Occasionally like to be referred to as "one bad mama jama".
3. He's a Bobasexual.
2. No matter how often he washes it, braided wookie hair still smells like wookie hair.
1. He insists on keeping his father's decapitated head on the mantle.

The Top Ten Bad Things About Having IG-88 For A Roommate

10. Keeps saying "You're the Bossk," and then snickers in that weird way he has.
9. Constantly offers his services as a vibrator.
8. Sleeps with his eyes open.
7. Watches "The Thin Man" over and over and over.
6. Won't stand still long enough for you to use as a coat rack.
5. Loudly hums while you watch "H.R. Pufnstuf" in protest over what he calls exploitation of "magic flutes."
4. Constantly messes up your television reception.
3. Gets drunk and refers to you as "Roykirk."
2. Brags about being the rarest of the 12" action figures.
1. Keeps telling his friends on the phone that you suck ass, but when you ask "what did you say?" he claims he was just talking to his friend Zuckuss.

For the next set of lists, go here.

Michael Goodson

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