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Star Wars Today's Date:

A Long Time Ago On a Late Night Far Far Away, Episode 3:
Rise of the Dark Side of the Top Ten Lists

What has gone before:

On September 28, 1999, I sat at my desk wasting time at a job I was eventually laid off from. While surfing, I ran across a Top Ten list that had been presented on The Late Show with David Letterman on August 25, 1999. The topic for the evening was the Top Ten Bad Things About Having Darth Vader As A Roommate.

It was funny, but in my smugness, I knew I could do better. I picked a different Star Wars character, made up 10 jokes and shot it off to my future Co-Editor Derek McCaw and some friends. Before long, four of us had generated 25 different Top Ten lists using the same premise and a variety of characters, from common (Han Solo) to names only Fanboys that had collected the toys knew (Nute Gunray.)

A few weeks ago, while going through some old documents, I unearthed our lists and figured the FanboyPlanet readers might enjoy it for a laugh or two. I've selected some of the funnier lists and freshened up a few of the jokes. We will be rolling out a couple of the lists each week so as not to beat this Bantha to death too quickly.

And now…

The Top Ten Bad Things About Having Luke Skywalker As A Roommate

10. He comes from a long line of whiney brats.
9. When he gets drunk at parties, he removes his fake hand for laughs. No one laughs.
8. Never finishes anything he starts.
7. Can't lift anything heavier than a rock.
6. Never been with a woman. Never has any over.
5. Wets his pants every time he hears, "This is CNN."
4. He's always trying to use his Jedi mind tricks on you to make you think he didn't use the last of the milk.
3. Always wastes time with friends, never gets chores done.
2. He can kill a Rancor but squeals like a girl when he sees a spider.
1. Comes home at night and crashes X-wing into Swamp.

The Top Ten Bad Things About Having Chewbacca For A Roommate

10. You can never understand a damn thing he says.
9. He'll pull your arms out of socket if you beat him at Xbox.
8. Count on your drains being clogged all the time.
7. No such thing as a "babe" in the Wookie kingdom.
6. The only thing he ever wears is a belt.
5. Have you seen his father? (shivers)
4. Wet Wookie hair smells as bad as you think.
3. He might put you back together wrong if you get blasted to pieces.
2. $300 pet deposit, non-refundable.
1. He's always bringing home weirdoes he met in some bar.

The Top Ten Bad Things About Having Nute Gunray For A Roommate

10. Claims his blockade of your bedroom is perfectly legal.
9. Quivers way too much for your taste.
8. Offers you refreshments, then sends in a droid just before gassing you.
7. Brags about his huge "Nude Gunray."
6. Then shows it to you.
5. That stupid spider-chair keeps scratching the hardwood flooring.
4. Keeps calling your Darth Sidious action figure "master."
3. Can't tell if he's smiling, frowning, or what.
2. Won't look you straight in the eye when talking to you.
1. Wakes you up at night when he screams "GODZILLAAAAAAAAA!!!!" in his sleep.

For the first set of lists, go here.

For the second set of lists, go here.

Michael Goodson

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