What has gone before:
On September 28, 1999, I sat at my desk wasting time at a
job I was eventually laid off from. While surfing, I ran across
a Top Ten list that had been presented on The Late Show with
David Letterman on August 25, 1999. The topic for the evening
was the Top Ten Bad Things About Having Darth Vader As A Roommate.
It was funny, but in my smugness, I knew I could do better.
I picked a different Star Wars character, made up 10 jokes
and shot it off to my future Co-Editor Derek McCaw and some
friends. Before long, four of us had generated 25 different
Top Ten lists using the same premise and a variety of characters,
from common (Han Solo) to names only Fanboys that had collected
the toys knew (Nute Gunray.)
A few weeks ago, while going through some old documents,
I unearthed our lists and figured the FanboyPlanet readers
might enjoy it for a laugh or two. I've selected some of the
funnier lists and freshened up a few of the jokes. We will
be rolling out a couple of the lists each week so as not to
beat this Bantha to death too quickly.
The Top Ten Bad Things About Having Luke Skywalker As
10. He comes from a long line of whiney brats.
9. When he gets drunk at parties, he removes his fake hand
for laughs. No one laughs.
8. Never finishes anything he starts.
7. Can't lift anything heavier than a rock.
6. Never been with a woman. Never has any over.
5. Wets his pants every time he hears, "This is CNN."
4. He's always trying to use his Jedi mind tricks on you to
make you think he didn't use the last of the milk.
3. Always wastes time with friends, never gets chores done.
2. He can kill a Rancor but squeals like a girl when he sees
1. Comes home at night and crashes X-wing into Swamp.
The Top Ten Bad Things About Having Chewbacca For A Roommate
10. You can never understand a damn thing he says. 7. No such thing as a "babe" in the Wookie kingdom.
9. He'll pull your arms out of socket if you beat him at Xbox.
8. Count on your drains being clogged all the time.
6. The only thing he ever wears is a belt.
5. Have you seen his father? (shivers)
4. Wet Wookie hair smells as bad as you think.
3. He might put you back together wrong if you get blasted
2. $300 pet deposit, non-refundable.
1. He's always bringing home weirdoes he met in some bar.
The Top Ten Bad Things About Having Nute Gunray For A
10. Claims his blockade of your bedroom is perfectly legal.
9. Quivers way too much for your taste.
8. Offers you refreshments, then sends in a droid just before
7. Brags about his huge "Nude Gunray."
6. Then shows it to you.
5. That stupid spider-chair keeps scratching the hardwood
4. Keeps calling your Darth Sidious action figure "master."
3. Can't tell if he's smiling, frowning, or what.
2. Won't look you straight in the eye when talking to you.
1. Wakes you up at night when he screams "GODZILLAAAAAAAAA!!!!"
in his sleep.
For the first set of lists, go
For the second set of lists, go