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Sequel2SequelMania
second in a two-part series
In
the first part of this article,
Jordan expressed his desire to take his own life rather than
see...well...just about anything this summer. Not only are
we being deluged with sequels (and mindless fanboy that I
am, I'm excited), but these sequels aren't just continuing
stories; they're remaking sequels to OTHER movies. And not
like Dawn of the
Dead, either.
This
week, Jordan continues his look at what we don't really have
to look forward to, and why we've really seen it all before.
Terminator
3 : Rise of the Machines
Symptoms:
Part
Three after a part two that greatly expanded the movies universe
Only
the title role actor returns
A new,
more badass villain who has never been mentioned before
Sequel Sibling: Highlander 3
Educated Prediction: Terminator 3 will deny
many of the events from T2 and while being better than
part 2, it will still suck. There will be a really really
bad TV series and then one more Terminator picture.
Bad Boys II
Symptoms:
Two
buddies continue on their trouble making ways
Catch
phrases flow like water
Since
the original, one of the two has become a huge star
Sequel Sibling: Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey
Educated Prediction:The Bad Boys are stalked by robotic
doppelgangers from the future in an adventure most consider
to not be as good as the original. Everyone does agree that
Joey Pants steals the show as a rap-happy grim reaper.
Lara
Croft Tomb Raider: The Cradle of Life
Symptoms:
Our hero
pursues a minor mythological antiquity
Love
interest from the first picture is missing
Title
structure: Hero's Name plus the setting for the action
Sequel Sibling: Indiana Jones and the Temple of
Doom
Educated Prediction:Director Jan De Bont's talentless
wife all but ruins this disaster with too much forced humor,
although stand-out Noah Taylor is adorable with his accent
and Yankees hat. All is forgiven, however, when Jon Voight
returns as Lara's father in the next one to fight the Nazis.
Spy
Kids 3-D: Game Over
Symptoms:
Shot
in 3-D
Wheelchair-bound
supporting character
In part
one, the Spy Kids were not the main characters
Sequel
Sibling: Friday the 13th part 3
Educated Prediction:More of Juni and Carmen's backstory
is revealed as they take on a motorcycle gang. Years from
now, few will remember that this is the one in which OSS,
Junior agents were issued their trademark hockey masks and
didn't have them all along.
American
Wedding
Symptoms:
Characters
have gotten too old for teen sex romp
Based
around a wedding
Core
characters from part one who cameo'ed in part two don't return
at all
Sequel Sibling: Revenge of the Nerds
IV: Nerds in Love
Educated Prediction:Finally kills the franchise, but
not before Jim convinces Michelle's super-rich parents that
there's more to him than his reputation as "Booger". Absent
cast member Mena Suvari goes bald and gets four Emmy nominations
in a row playing a doctor on a network drama.
Jason
vs Freddy
Symptoms:
Two classic
creatures finally meet
One is
all brute strength and one has powers
One creature
actor is a veteran of the role; the other is a first timer
in the part
Sequel Sibling: King Kong vs. Godzilla
Educated Prediction:Jason and Freddy battle it out
in a few epic sequences, but there is far too much time taken
in building up to the battle of the glove vs the mask. In
the end, Jason wins the battle except in the Japanese cut
which features a victorious Freddy.
Jeepers
Creepers II
Symptoms:
Only
two years between sequels
Original
director returns
Francis
Ford Coppola produces
Sequel Sibling: The Godfather Part II
Educated Prediction:The present story of The Creeper
intertwines with the story of The Creeper's first years in
America around the turn of the century. Many consider it to
be better than the first. The Creeper discovers that it was
Fredo and it breaks his heart.
I
really hope that Jordan's right about Jeepers Creepers II.
That's a movie I want to see.
Hey,
you want more of this stuff? Let us know via e-mail or in
the forum,
okay?
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