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second in a two-part series

In the first part of this article, Jordan expressed his desire to take his own life rather than see...well...just about anything this summer. Not only are we being deluged with sequels (and mindless fanboy that I am, I'm excited), but these sequels aren't just continuing stories; they're remaking sequels to OTHER movies. And not like Dawn of the Dead, either.

This week, Jordan continues his look at what we don't really have to look forward to, and why we've really seen it all before.

Terminator 3 : Rise of the Machines

  • Part Three after a part two that greatly expanded the movies universe
  • Only the title role actor returns
  • A new, more badass villain who has never been mentioned before
    Sequel Sibling: Highlander 3
    Educated Prediction: Terminator 3 will deny many of the events from T2 and while being better than part 2, it will still suck. There will be a really really bad TV series and then one more Terminator picture.

    Bad Boys II

  • Two buddies continue on their trouble making ways
  • Catch phrases flow like water
  • Since the original, one of the two has become a huge star
    Sequel Sibling: Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey
    Educated Prediction:The Bad Boys are stalked by robotic doppelgangers from the future in an adventure most consider to not be as good as the original. Everyone does agree that Joey Pants steals the show as a rap-happy grim reaper.

    Lara Croft Tomb Raider: The Cradle of Life

  • Our hero pursues a minor mythological antiquity
  • Love interest from the first picture is missing
  • Title structure: Hero's Name plus the setting for the action
    Sequel Sibling: Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom
    Educated Prediction:Director Jan De Bont's talentless wife all but ruins this disaster with too much forced humor, although stand-out Noah Taylor is adorable with his accent and Yankees hat. All is forgiven, however, when Jon Voight returns as Lara's father in the next one to fight the Nazis.

    Spy Kids 3-D: Game Over

  • Shot in 3-D
  • Wheelchair-bound supporting character
  • In part one, the Spy Kids were not the main characters
    Sequel Sibling: Friday the 13th part 3
    Educated Prediction:More of Juni and Carmen's backstory is revealed as they take on a motorcycle gang. Years from now, few will remember that this is the one in which OSS, Junior agents were issued their trademark hockey masks and didn't have them all along.

    American Wedding

  • Characters have gotten too old for teen sex romp
  • Based around a wedding
  • Core characters from part one who cameo'ed in part two don't return at all
    Sequel Sibling: Revenge of the Nerds IV: Nerds in Love
    Educated Prediction:Finally kills the franchise, but not before Jim convinces Michelle's super-rich parents that there's more to him than his reputation as "Booger". Absent cast member Mena Suvari goes bald and gets four Emmy nominations in a row playing a doctor on a network drama.

    Jason vs Freddy

  • Two classic creatures finally meet
  • One is all brute strength and one has powers
  • One creature actor is a veteran of the role; the other is a first timer in the part
    Sequel Sibling: King Kong vs. Godzilla
    Educated Prediction:Jason and Freddy battle it out in a few epic sequences, but there is far too much time taken in building up to the battle of the glove vs the mask. In the end, Jason wins the battle except in the Japanese cut which features a victorious Freddy.

    Jeepers Creepers II

  • Only two years between sequels
  • Original director returns
  • Francis Ford Coppola produces
    Sequel Sibling: The Godfather Part II
    Educated Prediction:The present story of The Creeper intertwines with the story of The Creeper's first years in America around the turn of the century. Many consider it to be better than the first. The Creeper discovers that it was Fredo and it breaks his heart.

    I really hope that Jordan's right about Jeepers Creepers II. That's a movie I want to see.

    Hey, you want more of this stuff? Let us know via e-mail or in the forum, okay?

    Jordan Rosa

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