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SequelMania 2003!
first in a two-part series

Now starting in May, the summer movie season brings us 14 sequels (16 if you count the 2 crossover pictures twice) in 16 weeks. While many will complain that this reliance on sequels shows a lack of originality in Hollywood, it's actually much worse than that. Of the two we've already seen there have been some disturbing similarities with sequels from the past.

Already out there:

X2: X-Men United
Sequel Sibling: Star Trek 2: The Wrath of Kahn

  • Prof X and Stryker have a past over the loss of Stryker's family, as did Kirk and Kahn
  • Stryker puts little drops of liquid on people's neck to mind control them
  • Kahn puts little worms in people's ears to mind control them
  • Both Jean Grey and Spock valiantly sacrifices themselves only to set up their resurrection in the third part.

    Matrix Reloaded
    Sequel Sibling: The Empire Strikes Back

  • Our heroes seek refuge in Zion/Cloud City
  • Neo, like Luke, discovers he was spawned by his greatest enemy.
  • Like Han, Neo finishes part two in a catatonic state.

    If this keeps up we're going to find out the Neo and Trinity are brother and sister and Wolverine is eventually going to save an orca. Here's a few of the parallels and what we have to look forward to this summer.

    2 Fast 2 Furious

  • Huge change in locale
  • Lacking the main star power from the original
  • Original had road work, sequel has jet skis
    Sequel Sibling: Speed 2 : Cruise Control
    Educated Prediction: Huge failure that leads to Paul Walker exploding onto the Romantic Comedy Scene with inexplicable success with unwatchable pictures like Hope Still Floats and Mr. Congeniality.

    Coming soon:

    Dumb and Dumberer : When Harry Met Lloyd

  • Prequel to a picture about two not so bright buddies
  • Neither lead actor returning
  • Both lead hair cuts returning
    Sequel Sibling: Flintstones in Viva Rock Vegas
    Educated Prediction: No one sees it. Lame plotting and poor casting sinks this stinker to the bottom of the bargain barrel, but Alan Cumming shines as the Great Gazoo.

    Rugrats Go Wild!

  • Two cartoon families from two different shows meet
  • One is primitive one is not
  • They both have vaguely anthropomorphic pets
    Sequel Sibling: Jetsons meet the Flintstones
    Educated Prediction: The primitive Thornberrys believe the Rugrats to come from another planet until the Thornberrys are accidentally sent back to civilization. Sir Nigel Thornberry's job at Cogswell Cogs brings much hilarity.

    Legally Blonde 2: Red, White and Blonde

  • Fish out of water from the first film must again readjust
  • Our hero from the first picture fights to free prisoners
  • Second in the series is decidedly more patriotic
    Sequel Sibling: Rambo: First Blood Part II
    Educated Prediction: While freeing her dog's parent from an evil Vietnamese captain, Elle Woods loses the woman she loves and snaps. Part three takes place in Iraq.

    Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle

  • Three protagonists
  • Supporting funny man of the first picture being replaced by another comic
  • Old pro on the comeback trail complicates things for the main characters
  • Stupid subtitle
    Sequel Sibling: City Slickers 2: The Legend of Curly's Gold
    Educated Prediction: No one remembers that this sequel was made. Drew Barrymore goes on to host the Oscars and the other two wallow in a sad sitcom limbo.

    Jordan Rosa

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