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Eight Stupid Reasons Why Civil War Is Stupid

A. David Lewis, writer of Mortal Coils and the Harvey-nominated The Lone and Level Sands, has long been a champion of comics as a true art form, and currently teaches English at Northeastern University, where he does indeed sneak comics into the curriculum wherever he can. He first posted this article on his blog, Loose Pages.

...and now he's just a pain in the neck.
In the interest of fair play and self-deprecation, here's a quick follow-up to my "Marvel's Civil War Is Dumb and Here Is Why" fanboy-like tirade. Consider this posting the "variant edition":

Eight Stupid Reasons Why Marvel's Civil War Is Stupid.

1. Kick-started by the villainous exploits of...Nitro -- Nitro, whose only claim to fame is being so lousy a bad guy that he was cancerous! (see: Death of Captain Marvel.)

2. Neglects opportune moment to explain what a "speedball" really is to dumbass, straight-edge Speedball.

3. It has not merited a Friends of Lulu fund spearheaded by Ronée Garcia Bourgeois.

4. No mention whatsoever of Gettysburg.

Something about this looks vaguely familiar...
5. Aunt May and MJ benched instead of suiting up in retro Iron Man armor. (For real: It happened. And they got into Dr. Doom's castle. So f***ing busy with Thor's hammer -- He's slacking worse than JMS.)

6. According to southern U.S. states, the first Civil War isn't quite over yet. Ask Rogue.

7. Cap's on the run! Iron Man's got some clandestine plan! Tony and Steve are fighting! It's 1988 all over again! (Go see Batman -- Keaton's actually pretty good.)

8. Looks fairly pathetic in scope compared to Our Worlds at War. Are Annihilation and "Planet Hulk" too good to take part?

I'm a dickhead. Carry on.

A. David Lewis

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