I'm a freakin' work of art.

Chair Shots

10-04-02

Smackdown Run Down
I remarked last week that I was at a loss to understand why the WWE was still pushing Taker vs. Lesnar when I was pretty sure that fans didn't give a whooptie do about it. Now I understand.

Continuing the super push of Brock Lesnar as the next big thing, Lesnar will face Taker in a Hell in the Cell match at No Mercy. It all makes sense now, and while I still don't think it makes up for weeks of substandard booking, it does add an interesting twist to the mix.

Smackdown continued to be the better of two shows last night. Sure, we had to watch a Crash Holly match, but given the choice between him or Big Show, I'd choose Crash every time.

I have no idea how it happened, but somehow Matt Hardy became the more entertaining of the two Hardy Boys. Despite seeing the same match four weeks in a row (maybe it just seems that way), Matt has managed to go from uninteresting undercard wrestler to a semi-entertaining mid-card wrestler with a clearly defined persona. What's up with that? Even his back stage skits have a logic to them. "If Undertaker was the #1 contender and I beat the Undertaker, that means I'm the #1 contender." Whoa! Slow down, Newton! That kind of logical thinking is likely to get you demoted to the Sunday Night Heat Main Event.

While the Torrie vs. Dawn Marie bikini match loses points in my mind for not doing anything to get actual wrestlers over, the use of a flesh tone colored bikini more than makes up for it. I don't think that I've paid that much attention to a bikini match since Sable made a habit of popping out of hers years ago.

For some reason, maybe it's always been this way and I just haven't noticed it before, Tazz sounded really good on commentary last night. I'd like to hear him and J.R. call a match together someday. Michael Cole continues to sound like a putz to me.

The pairing of Ron "Faarooq" Simmons and D-Von is ridiculous. If the creative team is out of ideas on both men and has no other choice but to have them return to tag team wrestling, then put them back with their old partners where they had a lot of success rather than trying to make a new pairing. Trade Faarooq to Raw and he can do back stage skits with Bradshaw while Bradshaw is recovering from his injury.

Is D-Von gaining weight?

Kudos to the WWE writing staff for reminding us about the history between Kurt Angle and Edge before they fought for the 61st time. We'd seen it before but if the match had to happen, then at least they tried to give it some meaning. It's all a part of the WWE's rehash program where they slowly build up to Angle vs. Benoit's 500th anniversary match.

Rey Mysterio vs. Chris Benoit was damn good. Once the world title is off Brock Lesnar, Rey could make a run for it against a smaller guy like Kurt Angle or Benoit. I think the WWE fans would completely support Rey as their world champ.

Brock Lesnar is a guilty pleasure. I know a lot of fans don't like him or think that he's just a Goldberg wannabe, but his segments are always well thought out, get their point across with minimal fluffy and the guy just looks like a bad ass. I still think it would be better if he were the only world champ in the WWE, but Lesnar is having a very good run with the title so far. Did you notice his new tee shirt last night with the mutated Rock "Brahma Bull" logo on it? It was a nice touch.

Ratings
WWE Raw held steady this week scoring another 3.6 in the ratings. While still not anywhere near as high as it used to be, it didn't go down. Smackdown did the exact same thing by scoring a 3.6 rating for the second week in a row.

Dead Man Walkin'
Bill Moody, a.k.a Paul Bearer, has posted his final commentary on the WWE.com

"On Oct. 14, 2002, my contract with World Wrestling Entertainment will end. I have reached a crucial crossroads in my life where some important decisions must be made. It is with mixed emotions that I regret to inform you that I am moving on. To say that the past 12 years were nothing short of fantastic would be an understatement. I have fulfilled virtually every dram that I ever envisioned and more. I have had the honor of working with the most talented people in our industry. I would like to offer a very special word of thanks to you the fans, because without you there would never have been a Paul Bearer."

I doubt we've seen the last of him. The way I figure it, Undertaker will return to the undead look before he retires which will open the door for a Bearer cameo. If not, t'was nice knowing you, Bill.

Holly Hurts Head
Bob Holly ruptured a disc in his neck during his recent match with Brock Lesnar on Smackdown. Lesnar dropped Holly on his head following an aborted power bomb attempt. It will require surgery and sideline him for six months. Poor Bob can't seem to stay healthy anymore. I'd wager that the best days of Bob Holly are behind us.

Nicole Bass Trial
The New York Post reported on Triple H's testimony yesterday at Nicole Bass's sexual harassment case against WWE. Bass accused Triple H of barging into the women's locker room on numerous occasions. Triple denied Bass's claims and the claims of Alicia Webb, a.k.a Ryan Shamrock.

"To me, it would be disrespectful to women," Triple H said. "I would knock on the door and ask for Chyna to come out or I would ask if everyone was decent."

Triple H accused Bass of ruining the one match they performed together and also said that he felt Bass was just trying to make a buck with the lawsuit.

HHH was also questioned about his relationship with Stephanie McMahon. When asked if he considered the relationship to be serious, Triple H looked at Linda McMahon, who was sitting at the defense table, and said, "With her mother here, I consider it a serious relationship."

Orton Injured
Jim Ross reports that Randy Orton dislocated his shoulder during one of this matches on Monday's Raw. He has been pulled from the road and will meet with Dr. James Andrews to determine why he has been going through chronic shoulder problems.

Rey Scanned
Rey Mysterio is having an MRI today because he has been working on two sore knees. If necessary his knees will be replaced with those of a kangaroo, much like his eyes were replaced with those of an iguana.

Hogan Lies to Nation
On Monday I commented on a news bit that Hulk Hogan made comments on the Bubba the Love Sponge radio show that he didn't have a WWE contract and never has. I knew that sounded fishy, because despite my failing memory, I recall reporting previously some details about Hogan's WWE contract. Turns out that the WWE agrees with me.

From the Ross Report today, "It is totally NOT true that Hollywood Hulk Hogan has been working without a contract. No one works on TV or in house shows without the proper paperwork, and that includes Hogan, who signed a contract, which is still in effect... My guts tell me we have not seen the last of Hulk in a WWE ring but, of course, I could be wrong."

WWE.com columnist Brian Solomon also posted these comments on the issue, "Allow me to debunk this rumor, courtesy of our Talent Relations department: Hulk Hogan's contract is indeed a one-year deal, and so the reports of its expiration have been greatly exaggerated."

We all knew this day was coming. Poor Hulk has finally gone senile. Sorry old fella, we're going to have to put you down.

Wrestling for Dollars
I leave you with one last odd gem this week. Sting, Nikita Koloff, and Ted DiBiase joined together to form the dream team no one wanted and filmed a Nationwide TV Commercial for Pre-Paid Legal. It's both surreal and has the funniest ending of a commercial I've seen in a long time. I strongly recommend you check it out. You can view it at DiBiase's website by clicking on this link.

Want more Chairshots goodness that's both sarcastic and probably offensive? Then check out today's letters column for a little slice of what lands in my inbox. See you Tuesday.

Michael Goodson