Every Tuesday and Friday we give you the scoop on what's happening in and out of the wrestling ring. Every Monday a brand new Book It.

Me? No, I don't watch wrestling.

Chairshots
3-12-02

Raw Thoughts
After watching and being inspired by Diamond Dallas Page last night, I've decided that rather than point out the negative things on the show, I'm going to point out the positive. Needless to say the whole Lucy Saga will not be on this list.

The Highlight of 2002

Good opening match. Rob Van Dam and William Regal added a little mustard to their match for Sunday at Wrestlemania. The match got the crowd going and was a nice way to start the show. It was better than a lame dog skit.

Seeing Ric Flair and Vince McMahon square off in the WWF corporate setting is a nice gimmick that could have been used for months now. It's pretty obvious that this angle will build to the roster split. It was better than watching Jericho and Triple H's careers go up in flames over a stupid dog skit.

I really liked that Edge and Booker incorporated the Weakest Link stuff in to their feud. It's a little late to start adding an interesting back story to their match on Sunday, but at least the writers are trying. Well, some of the writers are trying, but the other ones are just ripping off National Lampoon's Vacation.

Speaking of Edge and Booker, they were two of the wrestlers that had good, solid mic time last night. I've said for weeks that the WWF has relied too much on cheesy skits to build a feud, but the duo showed that with just a few minutes of bickering they can make a match more interesting -- more interesting than watching Stephanie try to act her way out of a paper bag.

At this moment, Mick Foley groaned in pain.

Al Snow wins the hardcore title! I'm not crazy that Al won the match in less than two minutes, but at least he's 100 times better than Goldust. Maybe the Tough Enough cast was in the audience and the WWF felt they'd better throw Al a bone. Speaking of bones, I hope Lucy dies because I don't ever want to see that on my television again.

Jericho finally used Triple H's weapon of choice, the sledge hammer, on Triple H. The match on Sunday is Jericho vs. Triple H, not Triple H vs. Stephanie. Rather than build up Jericho, the writers have focused on the Steph/HHH relationship. At least with six days until Wrestlemania, they tried to remind us that we're supposed to hate Jericho. It was the other hour of Lucy nonsense that made me want to never tell people I like wrestling again.

See? That was better than me just complaining about Raw's weak points. Did I mention I hated the thing with the dog?

Jake the Snake in Trouble
Speaking of animal abuse, Jake "The Snake" Roberts is in trouble again. This time has nothing to do with drug and alcohol abuse though. The Northampton Chronicle has a full article on the story of how a possible animal rights violation could cost a promoter his license. Animal rights activists are incensed by Roberts using his snake (that's not a euphemism) during a recent show in the U.K. The promoter of the event is now under investigation. Roberts allegedly used the snake, while in a bag, to hit his opponent in the head. The promoter denies there was any animal cruelty involved. Click here to read the article.

Ratings
After doing a strong 5.6 overnight rating and finishing in third place for the evening, Smackdown and the WWF came back down to earth when the final numbers came in with the show doing just a 3.4 rating. For those unclear why the number drops, let me explain it. Right after a network show is shown, the large cities (New York, San Fran, L.A., Boston, etc...) report their ratings numbers. This comprises the "overnight rating." Several hours later the rest of the United States report their numbers to give us the true rating of a show across the U.S. So Smackdown did a huge overnight rating in the large cities, but clearly tanked across the rest of the U.S. and that gave them a pretty hard blow in the ratings. This placed UPN at a distant fourth for the night, barely ahead the 3.2 that Fox did. Over on the cable side of things, where ratings are totally different, last week's edition of Tough Enough scored a 1.4 cable rating. That is down from the previous week's 1.6 but it was still the highest rated show on MTV for the day. MTV as a whole did a 0.4 cable rating for the day. How do they stay in business?

The WWF uses the subtle approach.

On TV
Tonight is the Best of WrestleMania special on TNN at 9pm. Also, Wednesday is the "Sex on the Beach" special about the WWF Divas at 9pm on UPN. Later on Wednesday, HHH will be on "Late Night" with Conan O'Brien.

Foley Returns! Kinda
Former WWF champ Mick Foley has signed a new book deal with Knopf Publishing, a division of Random House. They will publish Foley's first non-wrestling novel titled Tietam Brown. God, I miss that loveable bear.

Please replace Goldust. Please.

More Muta?
During the recent WWF tour in Japan, Keiji Mutoh, aka The Great Muta, claims that he talked to Shane McMahon via telephone. They allegedly discussed that Keiji wants to return to the WWF with his Great Muta gimmick. Keiji also pushed for Satoshi Kojima & Taiyo Kea to work WWF dates. If the WWF hires these guys, I insist they fire Big Bossman, Bull Buchanan, Steve Blackman, The Godfather and Goldust.

Shawn Michaels at Smackdown
With Smackdown live from San Antonio, Texas, you knew it was bound to happen. Shawn Michaels was backstage at Smackdown on Thursday. He was at the show visiting with his wife and child and was talking with everyone. No one is saying anything about a possible return to action so I guess we'll just continue to pray to the almighty wrestling gods.

Vince Speaks!
Speaking of almighty wrestling gods, Vince McMahon was the guest on WWF Byte This last Friday. Here are some of the highlights:

Caller asked if he ever could have predicted the NWO coming back to the WWF and he said sure. He said that he makes all of his business decisions based off of what the WWF fans want to see. So, he had no problem bringing them back. (Did the fans want to see that crap with the dog last night? Do the fans want to see Chuck and Billy get "friendly"? Do the fans want to see your bare ass getting kissed? Do they, VINCE?)

Dr. Tom Prichard asks how Vince reacted to fans saying that the NWO were over the hill. Vince said that they were "just hitting their prime" when they left the WWF. Hogan, Hall and Nash went to WCW, they got over big and there was no one there for them to work with. There may be some ring rust but he expects them to bust loose at Mania.

Vince said that the NWO trio are consummate professionals. Hall and Nash didn't want to leave the WWF when they did and if Vince had offered them anything, they would have stayed. But he couldn't compete with Turner's checkbook at the time. (No mention of Hogan testifying against Vince at that whole steroids trial thing.) Vince was then asked about possible appearances by Bret Hart and Shawn Michaels at Wrestlemania. Shawn will be at Axxess and could be at Mania. (whee!) "It's a pleasure to be around Shawn." Vince then talked about how Bret was "issued an invitation" and declined "rather publicly" (see last Friday's Chairshots for details). Vince talked about how Bret did so in his "little" column in a "local" newspaper.

My recurring nightmare.

Vince was asked to bring back Bastion Booger. He said that if Mike (Shaw) lost a bunch of weight, maybe they would. Shaw was a super guy.

Vince was asked if he could bring back one gimmick from the past, what would it be? He said the Gobbledy Gooker.

Kevin Kelly mentions that Stephanie is on the writing team and a lot of people on the internet point fingers at her when there are things that they don't like in the product. Vince laughed. (Seriously Vince, how else do you explain the amount of TV time she gets every week and lame things like the lotion and Lucy sketches?)

Kelly asked if he was happy with the creative team. Vince said he loves everyone and that the members of the creative team are great.

Vince is asked about the Regal vs. RVD match at Wrestlemania. Vince said he sees Regal coming out on top due to his experience but Vince likes RVD for his "cat-like qualities". He said we may be bored by the match because Regal is a defensive wrestler. (Call your cable company today!)

A caller asked if Kevin Nash has an opponent for WrestleMania. Vince said he may have more than one and we will have to wait and see. (Is a six pack of beer really "more than one opponent?") Last, a guy calls in and asks how he could be a writer for the WWF. Vince told him to call Human Resources. (It's so simple that I've overlooked it for years.)

Till Friday...

Michael Goodson