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Mmm...rooster balls..

Chairshots
2-26-02

Raw Thoughts
If I didn't know it was coming, I would have felt let down. After all the praise I gave Smackdown last week, I was ready for a rather dull Raw. And The WWF delivered just that.

At Wrestlemania when Hogan and Rock clash in the "battle of the legends" one thing will be clear: Rock will be carrying Hogan to whatever success may come. Without the Rock to carry him last night, Hogan gave two horrible promos with as much intensity as Batman's heat vision.

The same can be said for Hall and Nash. There was worry among insiders that Hall, Nash and Hogan would try to take away the top spots from the WWF's current crop of main eventers, but in reality, they are only making them look better. I've enjoyed what the WWF has done with the NWO so far, but they have got to be careful about exposing the trio's flaws. The thing at the end of the show with the "cinder block" was about as lame as I like my wrestling. Is a chair too cliché these days?

Jericho and Triple H traded insults in a mildly amusing exchange. I couldn't believe that Triple H would do "big vagina" jokes on Stephanie, but I guess she was asking for it by wearing that dress. I get the feeling the Godfather's Hos looked at that outfit and said, "damn, that's tacky."

Rob Van Dam won the chance to take on William Regal at Wrestlemania, which prompted thousands of wrestling fans to think, "at least it's not another Regal vs. Edge match." Maybe the last three pay per views were the WWF writers' way of telling that old "orange you glad I didn't say banana again" joke.

Kurt Angle fought Chris Jericho in the main event, which just made no sense. If you have to have a screwjob ending in the Jericho title match, wouldn't it have made more sense to give Kane a title shot and have Angle interfere in that? Why have Angle and Jericho, both heels, fight each other? It gives the audience no one to cheer for, so we get bored while we wait for the inevitable run in. Ugh.

Underbizkit beat the snot out of Arn Anderson in order to provoke Ric Flair in to a fight at Wrestlemania. I have nothing to say about that either way, other than can no one throw a convincing looking punch anymore?

The rest of the show was just pointless crap. We see Booker T learning Japanese in order to impress a casting agent for a shampoo commercial, yet there is no follow up on that later in the show (not that I really wanted any). Christian is now under the wing of DDP which I can't say thrills me, but at least it's something for the two of them. APA were "jumped" in a gay bar by Chuck and Buck, err….Billy. That was about as entertaining as typing that last sentence was. Mr. Perfect jobbed to Austin in the payoff match to an angle that was set up last month. I think we can all sleep easier now. Unfortunately, we'll all be sleeping during Raw.

Split Plans
The current plan for the WWF split is this: After it happens RAW will feature a Vince McMahon-led roster, including the NWO. Smackdown will feature a roster led by Ric Flair, which will focus on the cruiserweight division. RAW is expected to have more of a focus on entertainment while Smackdown is expected to focus on wrestling and workrate. Linda McMahon also mentioned in her call last week that the WWF will be doubling the size of its writing staff, so we can assume that each show will have its own writing team.

Vic Grimes Seriously Injured
Vic Grimes, a former WWF developmental talent, was hospitalized after falling 20-30 feet in a Scaffold Match held this weekend at an XPW event. Grimes was to be hip tossed off the Scaffold by his opponent, New Jack, and onto a large structure of tables below. Instead, he overshot, grazed the tables and then fell to the concrete floor. Grimes was breathing and conscious, but quickly taken out of the building by XPW representatives.

USA Exec "A Dope"
Barry Diller, the USA Network CEO that let the WWF leave USA Network for TNN, admitted that he was a "dope" for losing the WWF's programming. He did justify it by saying that wrestling "didn't connect" with any other programs, and the audience tuned in and out with wrestling. Since losing the WWF, USA Network has lost their standing as the number one basic cable channel. You can read the full article here.

Ratings
The final Smackdown rating is in and it is good news. The show did a 4.5. That is way up from last week, when they did a 3.9. Ratings may get another jump this week now that the Olympics are over.

Jerry Lynn Released
Maybe I reported this three months ago and just forgot, but Jerry Lynn was officially released from the WWF this week. He was given a 90 day notice in November that they were releasing him because they did not have a spot for him. The contract ran out this weekend. Another talented guy bumped off the roster cause there wasn't enough room or storyline.

WWF Fear Factor
In case you missed the WWF edition of Fear Factor last night, here's a quick rundown of what happened. The contestants were Jeff Hardy, Mighty Molly, Test, Lita, Jacqueline and Matt Hardy.

First Stunt: Each contestant must climb a ladder into a moving helicopter while being suspended over the water. The 2 men and 2 women that complete it the fastest move on. Everyone except Jeff makes it into the helicopter. Lita has the slowest time for the women, so she's out.

Second Stunt: Fear Factor Craps. On a set of giant dice are different gross ingredients that will be mixed to together, with mashed pig brain for texture, for a Fear Factor shake. Molly rolls bile, cod liver oil, & fish sauce. She tries but ends up not being able to drink it all in the 2 minutes. Jacqueline is next and she rolls veal brain, durian (fruit with an offensive odor but a pleasant taste), & spleen. She chugs it and advances. Test rolls cod liver oil, bile, & rooster balls. Test sips it then quits. Matt rolls animal fat and a double shot of spleen. He chugs it right down and advances.

Third Stunt: 5 telephone poles next to each other, the next higher then the previous. You have to get one flag from the shortest pole, walk along the tops of the others and stick it to the side of the tallest pole. This must be done three times. Fastest to do it wins. Matt goes first, he gets the first flag on in 3 minutes. He goes back, grabs a flag, and gets to the last pole, but falls off. He climbs up quickly, but falls again on the last pole. He falls on the last pole a third time, but places the flag. He climbs up again, and finally places the last flag at 7:08. Jacqueline gets on the first pole, picks up the flag, but can't move to the next pole. She is eliminated.

Matt wins. He wins money for his charity, as do all the other wrestlers. Entertaining show, but it would have been better if the Fear Factor staff had used my stunts from the Fear Factor Fantasy Booking I wrote last year. How's that for a cheap plug for myself?

That's it for today, back on Friday with a new column and then on Saturday for an all new Book It. Join me then.

Michael Goodson