Falls Count Anywhere

08-13-04

Lovingly served on a toasted bun.

SmackDown!
We open things up with a visit from John Bradshaw Layfield accompanied by Orlando Jordan. Jordan was wearing a suit, which is a strange look for him. JBL talked about the fact that he’s not intimidated by Undertaker and announced that Orlando Jordan would be his new Chief of Staff. Jordan then cut a fairly good promo, talking about how he doesn’t sit around and wait for opportunities to fall into his lap. He’s gonna work a while and get much better in this role, I imagine. JBL then announced that Jordan would be taking on UT later in the show.

Spike Dudley took on Paul London in a match that was OK, but a little short…kinda like Spike. London has some great offense, and he busted out the bridging Table-Top Suplex and his Dropsault. London started hitting spinning heel kicks, I think I counted four of them, and eventually went for a 450, but D-Von pulled Spike out of the way and Spike got the pin via roll-up and tights holding. After the match, The Dudleys went to the back and Scotty2Hotty made light of Spike’s attitude adjustment, which got him slapped. Scotty was about to go after Spike, when D-Von and Bubba stepped in. I like the idea that Spike is using D-Von and Bubba as his mooks. He’s the field general and they’re his foot soldiers.

Kurt Angle and Theodore R. Long had a nice little exchange. Kurt said that since it was his property that Eddie stole, that the money from the auction should go to him. Teddy said that the money went to charity, and Kurt said that he didn’t care, give him his money! Teddy was great here, as was Angle. There were some loud Eddie chants going too.

Chavo Guerrero and Nunzio had a match that just never settled. It wasn’t fluid and it’s obvious that the two of them aren’t really suited for working with each other. Chavo did hit a very cool looking, though dangerous, T-Bone suplex. It seems like they realized that the match wasn’t working and they called it early as Nunzio got the win after a reversal on a Gori Bomb.

A typical Undertaker match followed. The Undertaker bores me when it’s not a big show and he is willing to work. Orlando Jordan didn’t get much offense in, and UT did hit his Rope Walking and trademark spots, but it was obvious that he was just mailing it in. After tossing Jordan face first into the turnbuckle, JBL jumped in and gave UT a clothesline for the DQ. Not good, but it did help Jordan with a little rub.

That's. Not. My. Hand.

Theodore R. Long brought out Kurt, who got incredibly loud ‘You Suck’ chants, and then Eddie Guerrero came out in his low rider. Kurt and Eddie had a great dueling promo going, with Eddie talking about how Kurt stole the World Title from him and Kurt said that Eddie stole his victory from him at WrestleMania. These two are so great working together. Teddy Long then said that the two of them had to shake hands, which they did begrudgingly.

Team John Cena beat Team Booker T in a Summer Games Relay match. The rules were kinda weird, with a new wrestler replacing an old wrestler every five minutes. There were no War Games-esque double-teaming periods. I would say that the match was better than average, though it could have been much better if booked tighter. Every time they were doing a change, there should have been a near fall coming or a serious beating continued. Cena says that he had Charlie Haas on his team because of Jackie’s Giant Eyes. In fact, Jackie looked about as hot as she ever has. Booker T started out with RVD. RVD had the better of The Book for a while, working kicks and solid reversals. RVD has a great Crossbody Block which he used on Booker.

At the end of his five minutes, RVD hit the Five Star Frog Splash, but was rolling in pain as Booker got replaced by Luther Reigns. They went to commercial, and when they came back, Van Dam was in control. Van Dam hit a Rolling Thunder and Luther tried to hit a high knee, but missed. Time expired and Charlie Haas came in and worked on Luther. Haas works a nice ground-based style, and he used a few nice takedowns and a couple of Fireman’s Carries. Luther did get a backdrop right before they went to commercial.

Wow. Those ARE giant eyes.

They did the swap and Rene Dupree was in with Haas. I don’t remember Haas using multi-plexes before, but he hit a couple of Germans this go-‘round. Haas also hit a real nice Exploder Suplex. Dupree did get an STF in the last 30 or so seconds, but Haas held on until Cena could come in. Cena came and dominated early, but Dupree got the advantage after a bit and a neckbreaker. He worked some submissions, including a Camel Clutch and a Rear Naked Choke. He also did the French Tickler following a Spinebuster. Cena finally got back into it, hit the shoulder shuffle and was going for the FU. Dupree wisely grabbed the ropes and held on until Booker came back in and attacked Cena from behind.

Booker did a kneedrop prefaced by the ‘You Can’t See Me’ hand motion. Nice touch. Cena did manage to toss Booker outside where RVD nailed him with some kicks and then rolled him back in, allowing Cena to roll him up for the pin.

I’d say this show was smartly built, but lacked that special something. Really, I wasn’t terribly excited, but I did like some of it. They didn’t do enough to build the PPV on Sunday, though.

NEWS
There’s talk that the reason for Sable’s firing was more of an excuse to finally pull the trigger. She’s been a diva, both in front and behind the camera, and she’s still dating Brock, which is a minus as the WWE hates when former wrestlers maintain contact with current workers.

According to one of my readers, Diva Search Contestant Carmella is dating former San Francisco 49er, current Cleveland Brown and always Gilroy's own Jeff Garcia. Interesting.

SummerSlam Predictions
I don’t know what to predict for buy-rate, but I’d say it’ll be about what’s expected. They may break .75, which would be the highest in a while. I still say that losing King of the Ring was a bad idea, as it set up SummerSlam quite nicely. Here are my thoughts.

Yeah, it just ruins the integrity of the sport.

Diva Dodgeball: OK, there is no way this could be entertaining, though many said the same thing about the movie Dodgeball. The best that could come of this is that Joy gets hit with a ball and her shirt pops off. Or Amy. Or Carmella. Or Trish. Or Victoria. Really, anyone but Jazz. Current Divas will win via Trish’s cheating.

Six Man Tag Match: Spike, D-Von and Bubba Dudley against Rey Mysterio, Paul London and Billy Kidman- This could very well be a great match. The high flying style of the faces in this one mix well with the brawling of the Dudleys, and Spike’s flying is unique in that it combines elements of both. I’ll say that the Dudleys somehow cheat to win. I’d love to see them introduce a new Dudley to end this one.

U.S. Championship Best of Five Series Opener: John Cena vs. Booker T- SO many possibilities. I’d say that Cena gets the win, then drops two and wins the last two. Or they could have him go down two nothing and have him win two before he is cheated out of the series win by Booker. Either way, this series is going to be interesting and I’m betting that Cena will show that he’s ready for the big belt by having five great matches. I’ll go with Cena on this one.

Triple H vs. Eugene: This has to be a HHH win. I hate to say it, but HHH needs to win so that Eugene can have another hurdle to jump. This could be a very interesting match, and it will likely be what sets the stage for Eugene’s next run. I think they can do a lot with him, but the all-encompassing HHH push towards Mania means that he will win and they’ll feud a little longer. This could be very good.

Kane vs. Matt Hardy: The ‘til Death Do Us Part match- I’ll say that this is a goodish gimmick, and these two have had good matches together before. I’m a big fan of Matt’s, but I know he’s going on the shelf for a while. Still, I think they’ll give him the win and have him and Lita off on their honeymoon…which will allow us to forget that she’s supposed to be pregnant.

Intercontinental Triple Threat Match: Batista vs. Edge vs. Chris Jericho.- I’m worried about this one, and not because of who is involved. I think that Edge and Jericho are great together, and Batista can bring enough athleticism to make up for his lack of working style. The real problem is how to make this match seem like a big deal and how to book it so that everyone looks good. My guess is that Edge retains, perhaps on his way into Evolution. I think the in-ring will be solid, but the booking may leave something to be desired.

WWE Heavyweight Title Match: Undertaker vs. John Bradshaw Layfield- Layfield is gonna win this, not because it’s the smart booking move, but because he’s Vince’s pet project. Undertaker will get a DQ win of some sort, perhaps a countout. I really think that they should go back to Eddie, but they are hell bent on making JBL into a long-term star. His promos are at the level they should be, but he can’t work a strong match with a lower caliber worker.

In a perfect world, this is the main event.

The World Heavyweight Title Match: Chris Benoit vs. Randy Orton- Orton is going into Mania as champion. They’ll do the switch here. Benoit has been great as a champ, though not a big draw. He’s had some great matches and I expect this to be good, but he’ll never be looked at as at HHH’s level. This was his run and he did what he could. I only hope he gets another chance.

Kurt Angle vs. Eddie Guerrero: I know this won’t be the main event, but there is no question that they’ll be working a top notch match. Kurt has been told to tone it down, but he always knows how to build a great match, and Eddie is beyond ideal for his first PPV match back. The two will go long, probably 20 minutes, and it will end with Angle getting a controversial win to keep it going for at least another month. Should be the best match of the night, if not the year. I am betting they will go all out to top the Mania match.

That’s all for this week. I’ll do a SummerSlam Wrap-up early next week.

Chris Garcia