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If
Life Were Like World of Warcraft...
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| In
the dark it's so hard to tell... |
I'm
addicted to World of Warcraft. I often wonder how different
the real world would be if it ran on a Warcraft Server - if
our world operated the same way as it does in the video game.
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There are no prisons. Anyone caught breaking
the law will be dealt with quickly and efficiently. They
won't be allowed to drain the taxpayer's money with lengthy
appeals. They won't spend their life getting three hot meals
a day, exercise and a healthy sexual lifestyle. in the World
of Warcraft they will simply be "Deleted: for violating
the Terms of Use."
•
All races get along. They have banded together
against a common enemy known as the Horde. The Horde is
like Al Qaida, only rational.
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All natural resources replenish themselves every
five minutes. For example: If I mine for silver
and completely tap out the vein, I only need to wait five
minutes to start mining it again. Bye bye foreign oil dependency!
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There is no need to poop, pee, eat or drink unless
you want to.
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There are no bathrooms anywhere. Watch
your step.
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I am rewarded for killing others.
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If I get killed, my spirit regenerates at the nearest
cemetery where I simply need to find my corpse in order
to come back to life. If somebody hides my corpse
while I'm trying to locate it, I'm pretty much screwed.
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There is always someone within earshot yelling "LEROY
JENKINS!". As a response to this, you will
hear one person laughing and one person saying "That's
not funny anymore." If you are not familiar with the
"Leroy Jenkins" reference, you will not function
well in society. This two-word phrase has replaced the words
"Hello" and "How are you?" in everyday
life.
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You can't walk anywhere without someone asking for
spare silver.
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90% of the hot chicks you meet are not actually
female.
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No, the hot chick you had cyber-sex with was not
one of the 10%. Sorry dude.
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There are a LOT of lazy people. Most townfolk
will give you a "Quest" to perform for them. This
might include: go to the liquor store and buy me some beer,
cigarettes and a nudie magazine. If you accept then you'll
be pissed off when you get to the liquor store and find
that there's already a line 200 people deep waiting to do
the exact same "Quest."
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The "Socially Awkward" shall rule the
world. Darwin's Theory has been discredited by
the world's top scientist - SpockKirkScotty13.
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If you're twelve years old and a Priest asks you
to join him for some "adventures in a cave", it's
usually safe. However, if he wants to take you
camping, respectfully decline and run like hell.
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Every Tuesday morning, the world is shut down for maintenance.
This is the time to do your bills, bathe, come
out of your mother's basement, or just relax and remind
yourself what the sun looks like.
Editor's
Note: This article appeared in a slightly different form
on Jason Beymer's blog, Beer
and TV.
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