Autumn is the harbinger of so many good things: the weather is brisk and breezy, never obtrusive or oppressive, the crack of the bat heralds the coming of another World Series in which, no doubt, the Giants will be victorious, and for you all out there, I return to the pages of Fanboy Planet for another scathing season of commentary on Smallville.

Of course, that's because I have to do the watching, and you don't. At least, not if you don't want to. Or maybe, just maybe, it's because for fanboys, hope springs eternal.

Indeed, there's a pragmatic part of me dreading that hour tomorrow night, wondering how many plot holes, plodding stories and ill-plotted schemes await us in the next eight months: Red K Clark wreaking havoc on Metropolis, Lex MIA, Chloe tempted to the dark side of journalism. None of these is a story I'm all that interested in hearing the end of. (Although I grudgingly accept that it wasn't all a dream, and we're truly starting the season here, for real.)

What happened to the interesting, slightly spooky story of a boy growing up to be Superman? What happened to the spaceship, the octagon - hell, what happened to the caves, even? Have they unveiled all the secrets they kept or are there more to come? What on earth could possibly turn Lex, the most likeable damned character on the show, into the ultimate villain? Why is Lana so irresistible? You hear me cry.

But there's another part of me, smaller to be sure, but whiningly loud in comparison, telling me not to give up. Clark will come back to Smallville, after all, and dealing with the fallout of his actions, facing up to his parents and friends, should be more than enough to push him firmly in the direction of his future good deeds. Now that she's in Lionel's pocket, Chloe will have a lot more reason to back up that Wall of Weird, and maybe her snooping can uncover new secrets and engender some real suspense over Clark's over-super-exposure. Lex has a long journey ahead, one of survival and adventure: in addition to making good TV, maybe this is what makes him evil.

And John Glover is still in the cast. That's at least a cumulative hour of "whoo" right there.

Mostly this year, I just hope someone on this show is happy. I know happy people don't make for interesting television, especially not on a character-driven, soapy show like this. People need to be sad or scheming or miserable or no one wants to watch them. But that's part of my problem with Smallville; when it started, this wasn't a character-driven soapy show. It was more like Buffy, with metaphoric action overshadowing actual weepy monologues. The freak-of-the-week style had its drawbacks, to be sure, but the pendulum swung WAY too far in the other direction last season, all pathos and pandering to the non-fanboy core audience.

Read through the archives and you'll see that I don't exactly subscribe to a theory of moderation as regards this show, which is probably not entirely fair. So, in between the pragmatism and the fanaticism, here's what I hope to see in the next 20-some episodes:

Clark, prodigal son #1, will return home and have a SLIGHTLY more positive attitude, if only for his parents' sake. He will swear off using his powers for at least a month, will act aggressively normal, and actually realize he likes being Clark Kent.

Lex, prodigal son #2, will return home with a decidedly LESS positive attitude, and a downright evil bent after having been betrayed by someone... but whom? All of his energy that had been focused on Clark is now focused on ferreting out that little secret. In fact, he downright ignores Clark, they never have another scene together, and slash-fic dies a quiet death. (Okay, that last bit won't happen, but a girl can dream.)

Lana will finally, for the love of little green men, STAY MAD at Clark instead of forgiving him in time to play kissyface for November sweeps. At LEAST save that until February.

Chloe will stay evil and stay bought, but her zealotry will get her kicked off the Torch. Clark will take her place, and will use that as a cover to continue investigating the Wall of Weird. In retaliation, she will start an anonymous Blog of Weird with international readership. A fan-con will converge upon Smallville and hijinks will ensue.

Helen Bryce will secretly contact the Kents to become their family doctor. I make no speculations on her relationship with Lex-what I'm interested in here is her role as the only doctor who knows the truth about Clark. She will also care for mysterious coma-boy Cyrus, who may become an ally in the event that he ever wakes up.

Lionel ... aw, damn, who cares. As long as he's there to foment disaster and disorder, that's good enough for me. But as long as I'm asking, I'd like him to begin a professional relationship with Bruce Wayne. Just for kicks.

Please keep in mind that I am 100 percent spoiler-free, and haven't even so much as glanced at the IMDB listings for the cast. Also on my wish list this year: a nice, feel-good holiday episode with trees and snow and twinkly lights, some gentler Kryptonian development from the remains of the spaceship, and, as always, Lori Lemaris or other comparable female companionship for Clark that is neither Chloe nor Lana.

See ya Thursday, fanboys!

Sarah Stanek