Television has been in a bit of a sorry state lately, and while wrestling went into the toilet and Buffy fans argued about the UPN-era story arcs and West Wing watchers sat quietly in the corner, I thought, well, Smallville isn't great TV by any means, but it sure is watchable!

Welcome to November 2002, in which Sarah eats her words.

"Special" guest star Jonathan Taylor Thomas - whose specialness is very much in question at this point - did nothing to salvage this wreck of an episode. I tried not to take it seriously, but there was nothing to enjoy, no levity to focus on, nothing.

Well, there was a semi-naked JTT. And while that really doesn't do it for me, I imagine it probably did for an increasing number of the show's viewers.

The former teen heartthrob plays superstudent Ian, who can apparently clone himself at will by popping another one of himself out of his back. He uses this talent to take a very heavy class load, planning to graduate early and capture a Luthor-sponsored college scholarship. It's also very helpful for two-timing Chloe and Lana.

No attention whatsoever is paid to any of the following questions: How long do the clones last? How many can he make? More than one a time, or how frequently can he make the one? What happens to the clone; does it dissolve, re-enter the original body, run away to join the circus? Can the clones communicate with each other in some weird way? Why can he clone himself - because it didn't seem to be glowy-green in nature - and when did he start?

I know this isn't a science fiction show, really, so answering all of those questions would be overkill, but it would have been nice to have even cursory address paid to one or two of them. Or, perhaps, to the question of what happened to Ian at all, given that Clark rescues Chloe and Lana from Ian's devious duality, knocks one of the Ians over the extremely dubious dam, and the other into a road sign. Never to be heard from or mentioned again. At all.

This was more frustrating, plot-wise, than Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever and that's saying something. And furthermore, I've driven through Kansas, and while it is not entirely flat, if there's a canyon that deep and a dam that tall anywhere along the Arkansas or Smoky Hill rivers, it's extraordinarily well camouflaged.

Lana has moved in with Chloe and her father, which makes them like sisters now, and god help the mister, who comes between she and her sister; in this case that's Clark as well as Ian. The three of them end the episode with a terse confrontation; the girls are sorry that they didn't believe Clark's warnings about Ian, but given his history of being less than honest and more than a bit jealous, can he blame them? He can, and he will, because he is Clark, and he knows what is what.

The problem with this particular twist, even if it takes, which is highly suspect as well, is that Clark is such a martyric pain in the ass about being right. That's a criticism leveled at the Superman character pretty frequently, but it's not necessarily canon. Just because he thinks faster and runs faster and can see through things well enough to figure them out faster doesn't mean he's always got the moral high ground.

Granted, he has always been right so far, and he's got that going for him, but that ought to change. He's smart but by no means omnipotent. I side firmly with Chloe on this one, and Lana by extension, though agreeing with Lana about anything gives me hives.

Jonathan also breaks his leg working on the farm, giving him a chance to act gruff and gimpy and strong against Martha's burgeoning guilt about working for Lionel Luthor. He also has a lovely young doctor who runs up against Lex and produces more chemistry in two minutes than we've seen to date this season.

They both end up in contrivance meetings, er, anger management classes; him for taking a nine-iron to a meter maid's car, her for drop-kicking an orderly. Apparently these phrases are either important or were deemed funny, because they were repeated quite a bit.

Lex and Dr. Bryce have the most interesting relationship on the show, aside from Jonathan and Martha, whose relationship is mostly stable and interesting only in terms of being mature and therefore unlike every other relationship on television.

I don't know what to think about this show anymore; the krypto-freaks may have been annoying, but at least they made sense, and were usually explained and duly chastised for their behavior. Episodes like this and last week's have a lot of glitz on the surface, but precious little underneath to pacify those few of us who are actually watching for something other than eye candy.

Another new episode next week, about Native American legends and cave paintings and … Reruns? Soon? Please?

Sarah Stanek