Okay, I know I said I wanted to see more of happy Clark, and I know I've (repeatedly!) said I wanted him to get over Lana, at least a little bit, but this wasn't exactly what I had in mind.

My fanboy advisers have informed me that in the comics, red kryptonite is often an excuse for a silly storyline, say, in which Clark is a caveman, or has a giant head like football players in a video game after you've entered the right code. And, in what may portend a new precedent for season two, the producers at least followed that tradition.

Now, don't get me wrong. I wouldn't mind seeing this show veer more frequently into the lighter side of Superman. But judging by this and Heat, it's moving awfully fast for an over-the-top campiness that, frankly, would alienate me quite a bit.

What remains to be seen, however, is if they do this again - red kryptonite apparently shouldn't affect Clark the same way twice. It wouldn't exactly be disappointing if they were to lean on red meteor rocks for levity as they've leaned on green ones for dramatic structure, but I'd hope they wouldn't always result in the same Clark Kent, super-stud we saw this episode.

Because this Clark is kind of an ass. The second he slips on his new Smallville High class ring with its faux-ruby red meteor stone he's a completely different person, and a total id-driven jerk. He's chatting up some trashy new girl named Jessie, using his X-ray vision to scope girls, and living it up on his parents' credit.

Not that I believe the Kents even have that much available credit, but I believe Clark's behavior even less. If they're going to treat red kryptonite as a wacky plot device, then why was this such a leaden, predictable id episode? Much like those affected in Nicodemus, Clark's meteoric behavior manifested as an unoriginal TV teen cliché. I'd rather have seen Tom Welling with a giant head than that leather jacket.

About the only believable thing in the meteor-as-hormone-metaphor plot is Clark snapping at Jonathan with "you're not my father." Cliches are rooted in fact, after all, and that one rang true for me. He also points out that there's nothing anyone can do to stop him, and that his parents have always been afraid of him. And though Jonathan and Martha may claim otherwise, it's clear that at some point, they had to have been at least a little scared. If not, then they're obviously the superhuman ones.

There's a subplot with Jessie and her father being fugitives from the Witness Protection Program, and a crooked federal marshal trying to make his fortune from what her father knows. There's the agonizing but necessary time it takes for Chloe to ferret out that the class rings have meteor rocks in them. There's yet another kiss-that-doesn't-quite-count between Lana and Clark, only this time he's the one who's not himself.

A little something for the ladies... okay, a little something just for Sarah...

On a more redeeming note, there's some Andrew W.K. playing in a bar scene, and lots more Lionel and Lex. Lionel even gets to meet the altered Clark, and takes quite a shine to the youngster. Clark confronts the visiting marshal and empties the man's gun into his hand, with his only witness a blind man. Lionel, however, keeps the crumpled shells as some kind of talisman.

Pete and Pa Kent eventually come after Clark in a cornfield, armed with some classic glowy-green rocks and a sledgehammer to shatter the class ring. In super-lame slo-mo, Pa crushes the ring right off of Clark's finger, bringing this mercifully to an end.

Lex and Lionel reach another stage of détente, with Lex reminding his surly father of his own advice to his newly-bald son after the meteor shower: "Stop feeling sorry for yourself." Clark and his parents reconcile as well, much less awkwardly. He begins to wonder where the "red" self came from, and which one is the real him.

Ma Kent reinforces the whole point of the Superman continuity by saying, "It's the one who came back to us." Clark Kent, superpowers or not, would like nothing more than to just be Clark Kent. (Of course, at this point in his life, he is just Clark Kent, but he won't realize how good that feels until he's been Superman for a while.)

And, hallelujah, praise be, Lana's still pissed at Clark for his behavior. She won't accept his insufficient explanation, and as he won't tell her the real truth, she's going to stay distant and aloof. Will that finally, finally, at long last be the impetus Clark requires to stop the moping, now that she's not making secretive eyes back at him?

Oh, probably not. Next week it looks like there's more of Lana to be had, and Clark doesn't seem to have backed off one iota. Sigh. All this contrivance for some forward freaking motion in character development, and it's immediately squandered.

Sarah Stanek