Oh, didn't you
get the memo from our esteemed editor? I've given up on
Smallville, and have devoted my life to "The O.C."
No go? Oh. Okay.
When a mysterious
artifact discovered in the caves turns into a knife and
bestows nigh-Kryptonian powers upon an unassuming Kawatche
graduate student, Clark is faced again with the possibility
that he is the legendary
N'Mon whose coming is foretold, and whose enemy will
be the powerful and evil S'geith.
(I'm guessing
here. I've read more crappy fantasy than North American
folklore, and the former has given me a predilection for
apostrophes in my interpretation of mythical figures.)
The problems
inherent with the caves and the Kryptonian mythos have not
been resolved, and in fact just bug me more as I reviewed
my notes from "Skinwalker"
and
"Relic." No matter how many times I turn it around in
my head, the Kryptonians being aware of Earth, Kansas, Smallville,
the Kents, and as such, the particulars of interstellar
travel, but still being destroyed by some cataclysmic planetary
event … it just doesn't add up.
Unless of course,
the knowledge of Earth, Smallville, and fantastical space
rockets is limited to the House of El, which, well, maybe,
but … why wouldn't Jor-El just TELL people? Argh. This whole
thing makes my head hurt, and that's just extrapolating
from facts this continuity hasn't even established yet.
Dealing with
the local legends and interpretations is even worse. Jeremiah,
now the all-powerful guardian of the knife, becomes convinced
that he is the true N'Mon and Clark is a false prophet,
so sets out to kill him before taking on S'geith (Lionel).
He is not vulnerable to kryptonite, but his knife is strong
enough to stab Clark in the gut, and the wound is impervious
to the firmly entrenched super-fast self-healing we've seen
Clark demonstrate multiple times in the past three seasons.
When his parents
find him bleeding to death on the stairs, Pa is somehow
able to become the vessel of healing, which I fear may sign
his death warrant. Unless it healed both of them in an uncharacteristic
Krypto-benevolence; I tell you this, though, if that remains
quaintly unexplained and unexplored, then screw this.
Let me get this
straight. There was a Kryptonian dude some several generations
ago who came to live with the Kawatche tribe and built these
caves and kept sending his descendents on rites of passage
to this little blue-green planet, and he left a psuedo-religious
legend with the tribe along with a knife that could, well,
kill him and his descendents, for purposes unknown to us
and open to interpretation because of the oral tradition
(because of course, the written word, that's infallible,
no one ever tries to interpret, say, the Bible for
their own ends) but it's also sort of explained in the caves,
which…
Never mind. It's
settled. The knife is destroyed when the wrong person (S'geith)
touches it, in an element I think the legend calls "contrivance."
But was that Lionel, or Lex? Who will be Clark's ultimate
enemy? Uh, duh.
Does it really
make the story that much stronger if Lex and Clark are "destined"
to be enemies? Just being good vs. evil, or even complicated
men on the opposite sides of an issue isn't enough? Lex
goes so far as to theorize that the true hero of the story
is S'geith, for his courage in going up against the unstoppable
N'Mon, which while interesting is not really all that helpful
when we just know Clark is the real hero.
Are you sure
you wouldn't rather hear about The O.C.? Adam Brody
is really good. Mischa Barton is no Hepburn, but she's miles
ahead of Kristin Kreuk in the ingénue department.
No? Okay.
One thing that
Smallville and The O.C. did have in common
last night is that by the 45 minute mark, most of the night's
plot points had been settled, which is generally key for
character development. The difference, of course, is that
instead of just talking about things they're going to do,
the characters in California actually DID them.
Oh, I'll grant
you, it was the season finale, when lots of things tend
to Happen-with-a-Capital-H. But no one has Done anything
with a capital D in Smallville since Clark left for Metropolis,
and even that didn't stay done. Maybe since Whitney left
for the Army. (Also both season finale moments. And not
that I think Ryan or Seth will stay away forever either,
but I'm guessing they won't BOTH be back in the second episode.)
Lana's selling
the Talon to Lex, taking the money and going to Paris, but
she will need rescuing next week and heaven only knows what
the season finale will bring. Pete's parents are splitting
up, and to deal with it, he's sleeping in the Torch offices
and sniping at Chloe, who is nothing but sympathetic.
I'd like to say
I'll miss Pete if he leaves, but what is there to miss?
The complete waste of a potentially interesting character,
the strained camaraderie between former friends who have
nothing in common but a big huge secret, the unending exhaustion
that is ?
See, I know absolutely
nothing about the characters on The O.C., have nothing
invested in them emotionally. Never watched more than 20
seconds of the show all season. Don't even know who's "supposed"
to be with whom, but skillful direction and remarkable (if
mildly overwrought) performances gave me a pretty good idea
of what I'd missed and what I was seeing. And the last 15
minutes yanked more tears out of my eyes than three entire
seasons of Smallville. They've hooked me, and I'm
not ashamed.
I won't miss
Pete, or Lana if in fact she leaves. I know nothing about
Ryan, and I already miss him.
Two to go…
