After several weeks of reruns, I was expecting an exciting episode of Smallville to get all the fans back in the swing of things. Ah, foolish me. This week’s episode served no useful purpose whatsoever. None of the season long plot points were developed. None of the characters did anything interesting and the only “villain” present gets about 30 seconds of airtime.

The show begins with Clark whining about how he can’t date anyone because of his secret. Never mind that he could have told Lana one hundred times over, saved their relationship, and still known that his secret was safe. I suppose that the gods were tired of listening to Clark whine because next thing you know, Alicia Baker is released from prison.

When does it become a good idea to date a crazy chick who has tried to kill you in the past? When you’re Clark Kent, of course! Dating a homicidal girl is definitely wiser than being honest with Lana when you had the chance.

Alicia shows up in Clark’s loft and explains that she’s better now. She wears a lead bracelet around her wrist that not only prevents her from using her teleportation abilities, but also keeps her personality disorder in check. Against his parents’ wishes, Clark agrees to go out with Alicia since he doesn’t have to hide who he is around her. Unbeknownst to Clark, Dr. McBride is following Alicia. He tells her that she needs to stay away from Clark. One gets the idea that his suggestion is based on more than simple concern for a former patient, rather it’s based on some serious stalker jealousy.

Because Alicia is sane and responsible, she proposes that she and Clark runaway together to California. Of course, to get Clark to agree she gives him a necklace she made from red kryptonite. Clark gets in the mood for love and they both take off to Vegas to get married. Also, they ditch the lead bracelet.

As they’re about to consummate their marriage, Alicia gets all girlie and decides to remove the necklace because she wants it “to be right.” Well, now nobody gets laid because Clark starts freaking out that she essentially slipped him a roofie and they return to Smallville. Apparently, their marriage wasn’t legal anyways. I don’t know why this would be the case as they were both consenting adults.

Back in Clark’s loft, Dr. McBride shows up with intent to kill Clark. Alicia teleports in as McBride is about to shoot Clark. Now, what happens next is pretty ridiculous. Alicia is well aware that bullets can’t hurt Clark, but she bravely, or is it foolishly, teleports between Clark and the oncoming bullet. This is because she swore she would always protect his secret. She didn’t really have to do that because as everyone knows, anyone who discovers Clark’s secret ends up dead or in the looney bin. Fortunately, she doesn’t die and McBride is sent to the sanitarium, but as a patient this time.

A few minutes of the episode were spent on Lana struggling with whether or not to sleep with Jason in order to win him back. He rejects her advances and explains to her that he didn’t dump her because she wasn’t putting out, but rather because he felt that his mother orchestrated their meeting.

Definitely not enough time was spent on Lex and Lionel, but we did get to see Lionel sticking to his guns about the new person he has become. Lex, naturally, thinks that Lionel is plotting some new scheme, but allows him to stay on the grounds regardless.

It’s mid-season and I’m still not sure where they’re going with everything. All the characters seem to be drifting away from each other a bit, but they aren’t really developing at or doing anything terribly interesting. There’s always next week.

Honda Dimitriu