The Fear Factor
Reality TV recently
gained a new network entry. On a weekly basis, Fear Factor takes
us along as six possibly insane contestants attempt to complete three
stunts in the hopes of walking away with fifty thousand dollars and
clean underwear. Can Fear Factor outlive its initial run of eight
episodes? We'll watch the ratings and the show to find out. No, no,
don't thank us. It's all just a part of the job.
Fear Factor has
only one character: our beloved host Joe Rogan. Joe is and has been
funny but he has managed to avoid all funny business as concerns this
show. We are left then with the stunts as our main characters and the
contestants as supporting actors to our own discomfort. Let's rate the
discomfort using this formula: Difficulty plus Danger times Fear Factor
equals the overall score for the stunt.
This Weeks Nielsen
rating is Fear Factor's best so far at 8.2 with a 14 share. Here are
the stunts that got Episode #3 to such lofty heights:
#1. Lunch at
The challenge: Ride bitch on a Jet Ski and attempt to climb into a low
flying helicopter. Cargo netting and life jackets have been provided
for your convenience.
If either standing
or doing a pull up is a problem, please don't apply.
Should you fall
you can look forward to your wind being knocked out and a fresh water
Unless you're afraid
of loud noises, this stunt shouldn't be a problem.
Fear Factor: 2.5
5 James Bond would be proud of this stunt but upset about the attire.
One female contestant
failed this stunt so here are some lessons we've learned:
Take the time to workout your upper and lower body at least a couple
of times a week. You'll feel sexier, more energetic and should you need
to complete a physical challenge for fifty thousand dollars, it could
come in handy.
Helicopters are capable of amazing flying feats. One of them is being
able to fly well within your reach. Wait for the helicopter to come
#2 Bowling for
The Challenge: Bowl for a frame. The number of pins you leave equals
the number of live beetles you eat.
Anything a three
hundred pound man can do while drunk, I can do better.
Oww! I just bit
my tongue. NO, no that was the beetle that just bit my tongue.
If I'm not mistaken,
Beatle phobia swept the United States in the 60's. George, Ringo and
Paul still make me feel queasy on a semi-regular basis.
Fear Factor: 3.5
7 I would have made the score higher but after traveling extensively
I had to make this policy about eating strange foods at least twice.
See, travel does broaden your palette.
No one failed this
challenge but we did see some interesting methods for dealing with nasty
foods. If you're at your in-laws for dinner, try these amusing tricks
to chase away the bad taste.
Stare at the person
sitting across from you while chewing quickly. Do not blink, Do not
show any sign of humanity.
Put your hands over your mouth, look to the sky and pray to whatever
god you believe in that the meal that you have just eaten doesn't make
it's way back to the dinner table.
Do a little dance that resembles Sammy Davis Jr. doing the Curly shuffle.
Take the time to comment on every bite. Possible topics include be how
bad the fifth bite was, how good the eighth bite was, the possible relationship
of the animals you are eating.
#3 A quick trip
The Challenge: A rope is suspended between two five-story buildings,
the contestants are to pull themselves across while maintaining their
position on top of the rope. Fastest time wins, two-minute penalty for
hanging under the rope, fashionable harnesses provided at no extra charge.
Have you pulled
yourself along the top of a rope? I haven't.
Harnessed and helmeted,
your only danger is a stunt coordinator on crack.
One hundred feet
up. Hmmm. I've got a harness and a helmet. Was that a crack pipe the
stunt coordinator just put in his pocket?
Fear Factor: 4
8 Looks silly, feels silly, but that's a sidewalk I'm dangling over.
No one failed in
the traditional sense but people found new ways to lose.
First girl versus
fear. Fear wins. Two-minute penalty for flipping over, plus a little
over two minutes pulling herself across equals four minutes and some
change. Nice try. Your fifteen minutes are up; please leave any unused
minutes at the counter on your way out.
Second guy versus
stupidity. Stupidity laps him. 19 seconds to get across plus two minutes
for intentionally flipping under the rope. He does this after watching
the first girl take two minutes to do it after her penalty. If anyone
stays on the rope he's dust.
Third Guy versus
balance. Third guy wins by staying on the rope. Total time 1:49, second
guy goes home stunned.
Fourth Girl versus
her own mouth. I didn't like her. She was always talking smack to cover
her own fear. Whatever happened to honorable competition and beating
the heck out of blowhards? Total Time 1:19, sorry third guy.
Fifth guy versus
the navy. Yeah, he served in the navy. No, he never pulled himself along
the top of a rope either. Go figure. I swear I've seen the navy do the
rope thing to transfer large numbers of men between ships. Maybe that
was WWII technology. I'm pretty sure I saw Goldie Hawn do it in "Private
Benjamin". Damn, that could have been Bill Murray in "Stripes". Regardless,
the fifth guy is too slow.
Our lucky winner
of 50,000 dollars is the vivacious smack talkin' Jeannette Jenkins from
Ottawa, Canada. That'll buy a whole lot of bacon.
Best Name: Shannon
Swallow, I'm sure she never heard that one before.
Lisa Hammond, that squeaky little voice drives me nuts.
Reality: What if Larry, Curly and Moe of the Three Stooges were played
by Dino , Sammy and Frankie of the Rat Pack?
week they all get their panties in a bunch.
again, the Vo-Man takes a look at the artform of his people.
we all love closeups of Macintosh screens.