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The Osbournes
Airdate 4-30-02
Think your family is strange during the holidays? Sit down for an MTV-sized serving of The Osbournes Christmas and you'll hug your dysfunctional relatives in a whole new way.
The Osbournes sit around the big, formally set table to enjoy some ham, turkey, and gravy made by the great Oz himself. It is only a matter of moments before the kids are swearing at each other, parents are yelling, and a stray "fizzy piss" cork hits the ceiling and breaks a vase. Luckily for those wishing to compare with their own family, Ozzy gives us time updates as to how long it took for the verbal melee to break out. "It's f*cking quarter past six and f*cking Christmas has already gone to hell." His updates seem to occur bi-hourly throughout the night.
In this episode we get to meet an older son of Ozzy's from a previous marriage. He sits in for the duration of Christmas dinner. Although he doesn't speak much, he does seem to be quite coherent and "normal." It makes you think that the insanity of the Osbourne family actually came from Sharon. Somehow I knew it wasn't Ozzy's fault.
The holidays also bring out some of the Osbourne extended family. Upon seeing the cousins you realize that the whole Osbourne clan is full of chubbsters. Every single one of them looks to be at least 25 pounds overweight. I wish they would spring for some of that magical Body Solutions elixir. Watching fat people swear at each other reminds me too much of Springer.
Next week marks the season finale of The Osbournes, so be sure to tune in Tuesday at 10:30.
And for you Osbourne overachievers, The Howard Stern Show on E! is running Ozzy shows all week long. See how well spoken Ozzy is before MTV. See Jack before he discovered ballistic weapons, pot, and skin blemishes. It is quite different.
