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original airdate: 05-07-03

The Borg are the ultimate enemy. They're just about the most powerful foes in the Star Trek universe.

Sure there are beings with more power (Q, The Organians), but no one is more evil and has more potential than the Borg. They can adapt to any situation. They have access to countless centuries of research and technology. Their entire society works together as one mind, capable of time travel, trans warp and self-replication. And for some odd reason, humans can beat them every time.

And worse yet, now humans of the 22nd century have defeated the Borg. What are the Borg thinking when they take on the humans? Let's tie one servo behind our craniums?

Since Enterprise is sort of inspired by Star Trek: First Contact, it stands to reason that we would discover Borg bits on Earth. And so there are: frozen relics buried in the Arctic Circle. A team of researchers spends the first 15 minutes of Enterprise cataloguing the wreckage and combing over two Borg corpses.

Among this team is the only person on Star Trek that has ever seen a horror movie. (Well, except for the crew of the Enterprise, who watched Frankenstein a few weeks back.) One of the scientists suggests putting the Borg bodies under ice until they can be inspected in a controlled situation. But his superior, more interested in his discovery, denies the request.

Of course the Borg assimilate the whole lot of them, commandeer a transport ship and chart a course home to the Delta Quadrant.

If only he had listened. Or seen Jason X.

Archer and crew are asked to capture the transport and rescue the scientist. Star Fleet has no idea that Borg captives become Borg. They also have no idea that the Borg come with built-in upgrades. The transport ship quickly becomes a top warp speeding vessel with almost as much fire power as Enterprise.

And when Enterprise stops an attempted assimilation, Doctor Phlox is "infected" with the nanites. But his amazing alien immunity forces the micro Borgs to slow down their assimilation process.

"Assimilated? I hardly know Ted..."
"Good one, 6 x 10 to the 23rd..."
Wait a second. Hold on here. The Borg that are attacking Enterprise are from the 24th century. They've assimilated countless species in the Alpha Quadrant. And in all that time the Borg have NEVER assimilated a Denobulan? If they had they would already know how to conquer a Denobulan's immunity system. Wouldn't they?

And if they're from the 24th century then they would know that Earth is prime subject number one. In the last seasons of Voyager the Borg did nothing but try to assimilate Earth. Those rogue Borg had the element of surprise. They could've easily assimilated the entire planet, spreading from the Arctic around the globe like a plague or a boy band. (Or both -- it explains so much.)

Maybe they were afraid of the backward 22nd century technology. After all, they must've been using a different phase variance on these old time phasers. The Borg have been blocking phaser fire for a decade now. And in all that time they never learned to adapt to the ancient phasers of the 22nd century? Not likely.

This is the problem with such a powerful enemy. There isn't anything stopping the Borg from traveling back in time to when they were first started and giving themselves the technology to conquer the galaxy when it was in its cradle. That's no different from the now TWO times they've tried to contact Borg on the other side of the galaxy.

But instead of taking over the galaxy, Dr. Phlox, somehow, discovers a radiation cure to kill all the slow moving nanites, and he's free from assimilation. While under the Borg influence, however, he heard their minds send coordinates to Earth. And Archer declares the invasion will begin in the 24th century. Doom doom doom doom!

We'll definitely see the Borg again on Enterprise. The creators just can't keep their little unoriginal hands off one of the most popular enemies. Even if they are far too powerful.

But not next week. Instead we'll get a double dose of Enterprise. An interesting back story about the alternate choice for Enterprise captain. And then the moment we've all been waiting for…

T'Pol goes into Pon Farr, or as we like to call it around the Fanboy Planet offices, VULCAN HEAT!!!

I'll say no more.

Kevin Miller

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