At this,
the 11th hour, writing a review for Enterprise is
like writing a speech for Kerry the day after the election.
I'd just as soon enjoy these last few episodes without exploring
the pros and cons on a website. I’d enjoy it more. And
it wouldn’t slash my inner nerd’s heart up as
badly. It’s hard enough watching the UPN teasers with
eye-popping lingo like “Only five original episodes
left!”
Our
good friend Star Trek has ordered her final meal.
It’ll be here soon. And then we can all sit in the
chair together – and pass peacefully into DVD and
syndication. That’s what the Paramount suits want.
And that’s what we’ll get. They're no more interested
in the solid plot lines that have developed on Enterprise
than the rest of America – save us loyal two and a
half million viewers.
We’re
finally getting the Star Trek prequel proposed
to us four years ago. Archer and crew live in a time before
the Federation. When the galaxy was populated by distinct
cultures. No inner breeding. The Andorians have their own
fleet. As do the Klingons, the Vulcans, the Orions and the
humans. It’s so entertaining to see these different
cultures and technologies in their infancy.
But
instead of focusing on these issues for three years we watched
NX01 fight the ridiculous Xindi and wade through a Temporal
Cold War. Its been said many times over since the hammer
dropped, but if the sort of episodes playing this season
aired in the first – or even the third – it
probably wouldn’t have been cancelled at all.
While
working out, Reed and Mayweather discuss the sensual Deltans,
a race featured on TNG. Likewise, the Orion Syndicate,
on the original show, was home to the hot green-skinned
girls and not much more. DS9 explored their mafia
political structure briefly – but gave up on the green
skins.
Enterprise
does it right. Hot, green-skinned sex slaves, oozing camp,
came dancing onto the screen this week. And yes, dancing.
Some sort of Janet Jackson beyond the stars mix played as
they popped and locked in a highly choreographed dance.
It goes on for so long viewers can make out at the bottom
of the screen, “...shameless attempt at higher ratings.”
But
Star Trek, and indeed Enterprise, has
never been afraid to flaunt the sexual side to earn viewers.
We’ve seen T’Pol topless. Three green butt cheeks
ain’t nothing.
The
slave girls, butt cheeks and all, are given to the captain
to commemorate their first steps toward better Star Fleet
and Orion Syndicate relations. But their green pheromones
soon disrupt the crew something awful. Men become overly
aggressive while the women on board complain about headaches.
It's
a GREAT example of new information about an old Star
Trek alien. It can be assumed by Kirk's time Star Fleet
has developed an inoculant to the pheromone. They’re
still hot chicks, but they won’t make you want blow
up a starship just cause they ask nicely and licked your
neck.
But
by the end of the episode we learn something confusing about
their social structure. Due to their overpowering nature
it appears the women are in charge and not actually “slaves”
at all. If we had another season we could learn more about
this dynamic. At first episode glance, it seems to fly in
the face of everything we know about the Orions –
including stuff on Enterprise. Not that long ago
we watched them sell women in a slave trading outpost. Was
that being manipulated by the women? Perhaps women are sold
when they’re tired of being with an owner. We’ll
never know…
We’re going to miss out on so much.
A clash between the Klingons and the Orions – who
at this point in time appear to have similar technology.
It's
time to stop hoping and start realizing this show isn’t
going to come back. And our one real shot has been shot
down. TrekUnited, while guilty of creating some rather pathetic
attempts to draw attention to the cause, such as rallies
and fundraising, have actually been working behind the scenes
on a few viable solutions. It seems TrekUnited is spearheaded
by some rather smart people.
While
us fanboys were putting together posters and picketing they
were meeting with Paramount and production companies in
Canada, trying to make a connection. Unfortunately, Paramount
saw their fundraiser money as just that, and refused to
allow them (and us) to invest financially in the show, despite
the fact that TrekUnited is incorporated.
What
this all means is: it’s dead. And, no it’s not
Family Guy. It won’t be coming back in three
years because DVD and Cartoon Network tipped the scales.
SPIKE TV doesn’t want us. And the Star Trek suits
don’t want to shop the show around.
Let’s
just enjoy the “Five original episodes left…”
