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Lara Croft
Tomb Raider:
The Cradle of Life
Every
time the camera focuses on Lara Croft (Angelina Jolie) staring
intently through her trademark long lock of hair, it reminds
us that the creators of this film have labored hard to make
her look just like her computer incarnation. Aside from the
lock, Jolie also has the pencil-thin eyebrows, the pale complexion,
and yes, in many shots, the breasts that defy reason.
But looking
like the character isn't enough, just as looking like an action
film doesn't guarantee it's going to be exciting. Or even
interesting. Instead, the unwieldy titled Lara Croft Tomb
Raider: The Cradle of Life goes through all the motions,
has all the right moments and that lock of hair, but somehow
can't muster nearly as much excitement as a videogame.
You could
say, however, that it's better than the first Tomb
Raider, though that's not much of a stretch. At least
the script, by Dean Georgaris from a story by Steven E. DeSouza
and James V. Hart, tries to tell a story that mixes the fantastic
with real world terrors. But though it's a clever enough idea
(Pandora's Box as the source of the ultimate biological weapon),
the screenplay lacks any real wit. It strings together scenes
with a plodding competence, oozing with simply boring dialogue.
To serve
its purpose, the script also tells us that what we think we
know about Pandora's Box is all wrong. Probably not bad in
itself; many of the target clientele may not really know what
the myth is. Or at least, as Lara puts it, the "Sunday School
version," because so many kids learn about Greek mythology
from Sunday School. But the "real" details only pop up to
telegraph the next scene. When someone points out that Pandora
cried black acid, it only means that somebody's about to step
in some.
Perhaps
that's just so the slower viewers can keep up. Whenever one
scene ends with a line like, "we'll find them in Hong Kong,"
the next scene begins with a title card: Hong Kong. Please
try to keep up. It gets so bad that I expected somebody to
say "only a complete idiot would try that" just before Lenny
and Squiggy (or perhaps Lara's butler and computer geek) burst
through the door.
Worse,
though, the script struggles against direction that saps what
little life it might have had. There's simply no joy in it.
Director
Jan DeBont made his initial reputation on films that were
fast and loud, high concepts that were more about what special
effect we might see than anything of real resonance. (Anyone
care to argue about Twister?) But he has since proven
that he has no feel for pacing, and this movie should put
the final nail in the coffin.
 Scenes
that should have crackled are clumsily shot with little regard
for how they might build our interest. While Lara is meant
to be an incredibly clever and resourceful woman, DeBont distracts
us from whatever plan she's concocting. By the time we see
her work put into action, it's as an afterthought.
In theory,
riding a neon dragon sign while attacking a helicopter in
Hong Kong should be stirring to say the least. In action,
it's cramped, jumpy, and really comes as no surprise to either
the audience or, strangely enough, the bad guys.
Actually,
nothing seems to ever come as a surprise to the bad guys.
Masterminding the whole plot, Jonathan Reiss (Ciaran Hinds)
maintains a cool, slightly disinterested veneer. Like many
a stock British foe, he arches an eyebrow or two, but never
generates the sensation that this guy could wipe out the world.
True, real evil would be that mundane, but in a movie based
on a videogame, we need things a little bigger than life.
Jolie
tries to break from the tight reserve she showed in the first
film. In a few places, she smiles knowingly, and lets slip
a laugh or two. But such moments never fully realize. It's
not just that the story bookends with personal tragedies for
Lara; the friends she loses never really register as characters,
just stereotypes. Then again, Lara herself never gets depth
beyond a description. Being a Tomb Raider is something Lara
does; the script confuses that with being who Lara is.
Rather than give Lara competition, the movie co-opts it. In
order to defeat Reiss, whose strategy consists of letting
Lara do all the work then strongarming her, Lara demands that
MI-6 bring in Terry Sheridan (Gerard Butler). Years before
Sheridan had betrayed his military command, in a vague, you
know, it must have been bad, sort of way. His worst crime,
though, was betraying Lara's heart. Not that you'd know it
from Jolie's icy performance. If working with Terry causes
her any conflict within, we never see it, though occasionally
the two talk about it.
 The
real men in Lara's life remain Hillary (Christopher Barrie)
and Bryce (Noah Taylor). They appear as afterthoughts, providing
either awkward comic relief, exposition, or most conveniently,
a weak spot for Lara. Both actors are gifted and have shined
elsewhere. Here, however, there's only so much they can do
with the thin situations they've been given.
Such
is the case with Butler as well. Looking tough with closely
shorn hair and an impenetrable Scottish accent, he really
seems to exist just so that we can have a love interest that
can be thoroughly beaten. You can't get that when men
are the heroes of the film. Oh, Sheridan is shifty enough,
whenever the script remembers that it said so. But there's
no chemistry, no sense of a real past between him and Lara,
so his weasel-like tendencies make no impact on us.
How about
monsters? Some do exist, and they might be pretty nifty. They're
also hard to see, their third act killing spree serves only
to thin out a cast of extras, and no explanation is given
for them. Though their appearance does offer hope that at
least we'll get a brief riff on the survival horror genre,
it's not to be.
Years
from now, perhaps a future tomb raider will sift through the
ruins of the Paramount offices, and uncover documents that
discuss why this movie was made. But for now, it's a truth,
like Pandora's Box, that we are not meant to discover.
If you're
smart, you won't discover this movie, either.
Rating:
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