Shallow Hal 
        
How many times have 
          you heard these? "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder." "It's what's 
          on the inside that counts." "Size doesn't matter." Wise words, all, 
          and all designed to make us alternately feel better about ourselves 
          or realize how shallow we are.
        
 So, too, is the 
          new Farrelly Brothers film meant to make us think. But since it's from 
          the Farrellys, it should also make us laugh. Mixing low comedy with 
          a heartfelt social message, Shallow Hal wants to have its cake 
          and eat it, too. Unfortunately, it's just not that good a cake.
        
 From the outset, 
          the film fails the wooden puppet test. Molly Shannon makes a wasted 
          cameo as Hal's mother, as a nine-year-old Hal faces his father's deathbed. 
          Shannon could easily be replaced by a wooden puppet, for all the Farrelly 
          Brothers give her to do. It's the deathbed message to Hal that matters, 
          as his father, doped to the gills on painkillers, tells the boy to accept 
          nothing less than the best for a sexual partner. (Sure, ol' dad puts 
          it more prosaically, but kids might be reading.)
        
 The distraught 
          Hal wanders from his father's hospital room and morphs into Jack Black, 
          doing his thing at a dance club. This dizzying sequence depends almost 
          entirely on Black's ability to be a high-powered doofus, and it works. 
          But eventually we must get to know Hal, slowing the movie down.
        
  Hal and his best 
          friend Mauricio (Jason Alexander) hang out at various clubs, rejecting 
          only those women who wouldn't reject them. Mauricio, in fact, has just 
          broken up with a woman because her second toe is slightly longer than 
          her big toe. A man has to have standards.
        
 The only sign that 
          Hal may not be a total jerk lies in his friendship with Walt (Rene Kirby). 
          Born with spinal bifida (a fact awkwardly inserted into the script so 
          that we wouldn't wonder), Walt does not allow his disability to get 
          in his way for anything. He runs a successful software company, volunteers 
          at the local hospital, gets a lot of chicks, and only incidentally walks 
          around on all fours.
        
 In the workplace, 
          Hal continues to be surrounded by ciphers who tell us that at heart 
          he's really a nice guy, but (all together now) shallow. We'd 
          like to believe that, too, as Black has that rare quality of letting 
          an audience see the desperation within. About an hour later the film 
          remembers to show us that he's not totally self-absorbed, but that's 
          just too late. When Hal gets trapped in an elevator with self-help guru 
          Anthony J. Robbins (playing himself as if trapped in an SNL sketch), 
          his stream of consciousness blathering, while funny, does not make him 
          sound like a nice guy.
        
 Robbins hypnotizes 
          Hal into seeing people as they really are inside, a nifty trick if you 
          can pull it off. Immediately, Hal finds himself able to talk to really 
          hot women without them walking away. Of course, we know that they are 
          far from the beauties he sees, and Mauricio is appalled at the quality 
          of women Hal keeps veering toward.
        
  Until Hal meets 
          Rosemary (Gwyneth Paltrow), and then he only has eyes for her. Occasionally 
          the audience catches her true form in reflections and backviews, but 
          Hal can only see the girl of his dreams.
        
 From there the 
          movie takes time out for a series of sight gags, the best of which have 
          been given away by the trailer. But none of them have the loopy over 
          the top quality that the best of the Farrellys' work has. Aside from 
          their premise, everything else feels grounded in reality, and for a 
          comedy, that's a shame.
        
 More clever than 
          funny, Shallow Hal has at its heart an interesting idea, though 
          it plays out more like a long light-hearted Twilight Zone episode 
          than anything else. We do get played quite a bit as many characters 
          get introduced post-hypnotism, so the audience cannot be sure who is 
          really ugly and who is not. Some of the revelations may be intended 
          as punchlines, but it grows both too disorienting and tiresome to get 
          laughs. In hindsight, though, it is kind of funny that Jason Alexander 
          still looks like Jason Alexander. Does that mean he's good or bad?
        
 Alexander provides 
          the most real comic relief. His Mauricio may be an amped-up George Costanza, 
          but he also has a sweet cluelessness that almost (almost) makes up for 
          his being a total pig. As a result, he also has all the best lines.
        
 Matching Alexander's 
          energy is, of course, Black. At least he doesn't have to play stupid. 
          Hal may be blind to his own shortcomings, but he's sharp in everything 
          else. His words defending Rosemary's beauty may be the result of an 
          hypnotic spell, but Black delivers them with such conviction that we 
          forget that he is, after all, still talking about Gwyneth Paltrow. Say 
          what you will about her, her beauty does not need defending.
        
  Nor, for once, 
          does her acting. Paltrow unexpectedly provides the heart of Shallow 
          Hal. Where Hal sees only Rosemary's beauty, she can only see what 
          looks back at her from the mirror. Even when not wearing the fat suit, 
          Paltrow never loses the gait and mannerisms of a heavy young woman filled 
          with a resigned bitterness. So effective is it as a performance that 
          the first full-on shot of Paltrow's face in fat make-up does not 
          come as a shock.
        
 It's lost in an 
          uneven film, but Gwyneth Paltrow gives one of the best performances 
          of the year. And this comes from a guy who doesn't think she's ever 
          been that great.
        
 The problem may 
          be that the Farrelly Brothers are growing up. They have always been 
          slyly sensitive; despite what audiences may have thought, their films 
          have always avoided mocking the less fortunate. But usually we laugh 
          too hard to think about it.
        
 With Shallow 
          Hal, the balance is too uneasy. The brothers may be vacating their 
          thrones as kings of gross-out comedy, but it may open the door for interesting, 
          more serious work.
        
 This just isn't 
          quite it.