After
three hours and twenty some odd minutes, you scarcely notice
that you've lost all feeling in your buttocks. Instead, a
curious mixture of excitement, loss, and yes, a little bit
of relief, flood through you as the final credits roll by,
featuring lovingly detailed pencil sketches that will no doubt
be available as lithographs from New Line Cinema's marketing
machine.
Make
no mistake. Such an event as the closure of The Lord of
the Rings will be commemorated as commercially as possible.
But it's easy to avoid all the ancillary hoopla if you can
give yourself over to the spell of Peter Jackson's epic.
Out of
the three films, Return of the King stands the most
easily apart. (A couple of decades ago, in fact, ABC ran an
animated version of just that book.) It's not just because
all the storylines are reaching their conclusions, but because
Jackson and his screenwriting partners Fran Walsh (also his
wife) and Phillipa Boyens have framed this more directly with
information only alluded to before. Not that anyone going
into this film has any excuse for not having seen the first
two, but it's nice to see the effort made.
Rather
than a quick recap of what has gone before, the film opens
far in the past with Smeagol (Andy Serkis) and his cousin
Deagol fishing, two hobbits at peace with their world. That
is, until a too-powerful fish drags Deagol down into the depths,
where his eye catches a glinting golden ring.
It's
the most direct look at the tragedy of the creature that would
become Gollum. Perhaps inspired by the snubbing of Serkis
by acting awards last year, the sequence allows us to see
the actor beneath the CG, proving the computer tricks to be
just one more tool in an actor's belt. When Serkis' real face
dissolves into a generated one, it's the most natural thing
in the world, and we never lose the man behind the mask.
But of
course, this isn't just Gollum's story, though that does form
the most personal of the tragedies. He serves as guide to
Sam (Sean Astin) and Frodo (Elijah Wood) as they continue
their perilous journey to destroy the One Ring before its
creator, Sauron, can conquer all of Middle-Earth.
Standing against Sauron's armies are the rest of our heroes,
uneasy in their triumph at Helm's Deep. The major conflict of
The Two Towers is dispatched
in a couple of lines of dialogue, so sorry, fans of Christopher
Lee, Saruman has left the building. (Don't worry - he merely
shifted dimensions and reincarnated as Count Dooku anyway.)
There's no time to miss him, really, as Gandalf (Sir Ian McKellen)
urges what's left of the Fellowship toward Minas Tirith, the
throne of the Kingdom of Man.
More
specifically, he makes certain that Aragorn (Viggo Mortensen)
knows he can run from his destiny no longer. It is time for
him to ascend the throne and reunite mankind. (Please don't
cry "spoiler" here - duh - look at the title.)
There
are many twists and turns on Aragorn's way to the throne,
and all play out with dazzling visuals that support the story
without overpowering it. Jackson refuses to blow his wad all
at once; each battle grows in intensity. If fighting orcs
just don't do it for you, wait and see. Your patience will
be rewarded with the flying nazghul. And if that's not enough,
the huge elephantine beasts from the Eastern Lands should
eventually quench your hunger.
That
sequence does bear an unavoidable and slightly uncomfortable
resemblance to the AT-AT battle in The Empire Strikes Back,
but Jackson has far more inventiveness in dealing with these
opponents, and also manages to keep it all on a human scale.
Even if there aren't that many humans involved.
But it's
not all huge battles and fields dripping with enchanted gore.
Sharp-eared viewers know that Gollum had a trap in mind for
his hobbit charges, and that trap involves the single best
giant spider ever captured on film. Let us say no more about
that, for already the heebie-jeebies are returning out of
memory.
As before,
the performances are earnest and meant to be so. Middle-Earth
has no room for irony, though occasionally we can still see
a mischievous twinkle in Gandalf's eye. The hobbits themselves
finally transcend the strange homoerotic tension they evinced
in The Two Towers;
credit to Billy Boyd and Dominic
Monaghan as Pip and Merry for remembering that even adult
hobbits, even battle-hardened, are still really just children
by our standards, with a child's sense of honor, loyalty and
friendship. On that note, only Astin has a real arc to play
as Sam matures as much as any hobbit likely can.
The rest
of the Fellowship have little to do beyond being heroic, though
Orlando Bloom as the elven Legolas manages to eke out a small
emotional moment with the dwarf Gimli (John Rhys-Davies),
hinting at an enmity between two races obliterated by their
common need to stand against evil.
In the
end, the movie does seem to bounce along to the credits, with
no fewer than three resolutions. However, Jackson really didn't
have a choice. He and his team are capturing the books, and
this is the way Tolkien ended it. As it is, fans of the books
will howl because one ending has been cut. Don't worry - it
will probably make the Super-Platinum-Tiger-Dragon edition
DVD.
It's
a towering achievement. If you've come this far, you will
be satisfied. But even better, you will be willing to sit
through it all again - just not anytime soon. You've got to
get blood flow back to your nether regions first.
