A remake 
                      of a classic Burt Reynolds movie, Yard follows the 
                      beats of the original (even to some surprising directions) 
                      while trying to keep Sandler fans happy with what they know. 
                      The randomly strange Sandler persona would be too at odds 
                      with the gritty non-realism of the rest of the film, so 
                      the comedian uses his normal guy façade. That would be fine, 
                      except we usually see that normal guy as a romantic lead.
                    
 Since it's a 
                      prison movie, however, we don't see much romance. To be 
                      fair, SNL alumnus Tracy Morgan pulls off at least 
                      as convincing a drag act as Bugs Bunny. But though that 
                      character finds Sandler's Paul "Wrecking" Crewe sexy, that's 
                      far from what the movie should be about.
                    
 Maybe it's about 
                      redemption, which has sort of been a sub-theme to Sandler's 
                      work. Former NFL quarterback Carew got drummed out of the 
                      league for allegedly shaving points in a game. His prison 
                      sentence comes from a drunken driving spree triggered by 
                      a Courtney Cox cameo - completely understandable. When he 
                      gets beaten (brow and otherwise) into coaching a prison 
                      football team, Crewe has to find who he really is and ...yeah, 
                      yeah, yeah.
                    
 
 While the plot 
                      remains, director Peter Segal succumbs to the urge to throw 
                      in bits of comedy that take us out of reality. Not that 
                      buying Sandler as an athletic sex symbol smacks of the real 
                      world, but throwing in Cloris Leachman as the cartoonish 
                      horny warden's secretary (after she played Sandler's mother-in-law 
                      in Spanglish) plays as buffoonery.
                     Though many 
                      former pro football players take small roles, most of the 
                      prison guards and inmates are played by wrestlers, tweaking 
                      images that already wink at us. Worse, Segal doesn't give 
                      us a Steve Austin/Goldberg face-off - if you're going to 
                      push reality this far and bother putting them on opposing 
                      teams, pay up! The nods to earlier films, such as with Rob 
                      Schneider popping up once again with his trademark Cajun 
                      line, also breaks whatever spell there may be.
                    
 However, you 
                      might buy Reynolds appearing as an older inmate that still 
                      suits up for the game. If anything, that seems a knowing 
                      and respectful nod to the past.
                    
 In general, 
                      when Segal relaxes enough to just tell the story, The 
                      Longest Yard lopes along and entertains. Sandler does 
                      have a surprising quiet nobility, which he explored to soppier 
                      effect in Spanglish, though this movie never makes 
                      full use of it.
                    
 
 For the first 
                      time in a long while, somebody has used Chris Rock right, 
                      too, giving him a role that keeps him being a smart aleck 
                      without burdening him with too much exposition. What little 
                      storytelling he actually has comes late enough that we already 
                      fully accept him.
                     And then there's 
                      the action. Segal directs it competently, but gets too bogged 
                      down with what modern technology will let him do, rather 
                      than just what he needs to do. The split screen effect is 
                      distracting but a minor annoyance at worst. When the camera 
                      zooms through pipes and electronics in order to reach a 
                      simple establishing shot, it's just plain showing off for 
                      its own sake. Since nowhere else in the film does Segal 
                      use such an effect, it's out of place.
                    
 Sandler 
                      needs to keep his worlds separate. He has a burgeoning serious 
                      actor side, and a wacky lunatic side. Both versions can 
                      be entertaining. Turning him into some sort of rebellious 
                      action star, however, doesn't quite work. He might be smart 
                      enough and cocky enough, just like Reynolds once was, but 
                      like the pipes shot, Sandler just doesn't quite belong here.