Don't Say 
          A Word 
        20th Century Fox may be the 
          bravest studio in Hollywood right now. Don't Say A Word opens 
          with a car bombing, closes with a character getting buried alive under 
          rubble, and even dares to not CGI out the World Trade Center 
          from the Manhattan skyline. That alone may be the bravest thing a studio 
          has done in the last two weeks. And for that, Fanboy Planet applauds 
          Fox. Seeing the World Trade Center makes us long for the days when watching 
          Don't Say A Word would be the worst thing that could happen to 
          our day.
        
 The heavily made-up and hair-dyed Michael 
          Douglas stars as Dr. Nathan Conrad, a crack child psychologist, famous 
          for his "touch with teens." Living in a fabulous Manhattan apartment 
          with his (of course) much younger wife Aggie (Famke Jannsen) and precocious 
          daughter (Skye McCole Bartusiak), his life seems pretty perfect. Until 
          the night before Thanksgiving, when an old co-worker (a weaselly Oliver 
          Platt) calls him in to try and reach the catatonic Elisabeth (Brittany 
          Murphy). She taunts him with the cryptic "You want…what they want…"
    
              
              
                
            |  | 
              
                | Acting is all about 
                hand gestures. | 
     And the next morning, his daughter has 
          been kidnapped. The kidnappers, led by Patrick Koster (Acuvue pitchman 
          Sean Bean), will return her if Conrad can get a six-digit number out 
          of Elisabeth's head. Why? Because ten years earlier her father had been 
          involved in a heist that pointlessly opens the film, and double-crossed 
          the gang. Somehow, her six digits (which may as well be her measurements, 
          for all the clues Koster offers) hold the key to retrieving the loot 
          - a single red ruby.
        
 All the pieces seem to be there for a 
          decent thriller. When they get put together, though, the complete picture 
          looks like less than the sum of its parts.
        
 To help generate suspense, the film borrows 
          plot lines from other, better thrillers, smashing a lot together when 
          any one done well would do. Rear Window mixes together with Sorry, 
          Wrong Number, as Agga has a broken leg. Trapped in her bed, she 
          waits helplessly for the kidnappers to call, knowing that - somehow 
          - they can see her. (Improbably, they managed to run fiber optic cameras 
          throughout the apartment while the Conrads slept. See, America? We're 
          too complacent.)
        
 Meanwhile the gang tracks Dr. Conrad wherever 
          he goes, up to and through the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade (until 
          it's convenient that they they lose him, even though the film reveals 
          that the gang knows exactly where they need to go in the first 
          place).
        
 The precocious daughter charms her big 
          lug of a guard into making her a peanut butter sandwich, and somewhere 
          along the way a really hot police detective (Jennifer Esposito) stumbles 
          across some other victims of the gang. Her importance to the story is 
          almost non-existent, as she discovers nothing that we don't get shown 
          elsewhere, and solves the crime too late. But she is hot.
        
 None of it holds much suspense. For a 
          film this long (just under two hours), there should be more build. Instead, 
          the actual arcs get resolved quickly; we get cued that we just witnessed 
          something important by the sudden insertion of slo-mo. (Can we ban this 
          from filmmaking for at least a year, please?).
        
 Elisabeth has confounded doctors for ten 
          years. After skimming through her files for a half an hour, Conrad figures 
          her out and breaks through to her by giving her his daughter's rag doll. 
          Though we get told a lot of things about her mental problems, we only 
          see a little of them. What should have been a psychological thriller 
          ends up just being a chase movie.
        
 Despite this, many of the actors come 
          through looking pretty good. All the women wisely underplay their roles. 
          As a result, Murphy ends up being one of the most real institutionalized 
          characters in cinema in a long time. It won't win the Oscar, but it 
          holds your attention. Janssen does what she can with her thankless role 
          (she does just enough to avoid being replaced by a wooden puppet), and 
          Esposito looks earnest enough as a cop.
        
 The one person we really need to overact 
          would be Bean. Clearly cast only because we know that the British make 
          the best bad guys, he commits a cardinal sin: he's boring. Oh, he sneers 
          just fine, but not often enough. Director Fleder may have convinced 
          him that he would look cool, so often does he get shot in odd lighting, 
          or behind beveled glass. It should make him look mysterious. It fails.
        
 In the lead, Michael Douglas (or his wax 
          effigy) simply plays nice. The role calls for it, but it makes for a 
          boring hero. Douglas does best as a character with some flaws, and there 
          really are not any here. He makes no mistakes, everything works for 
          him, and because he carries no particular guilt for having done something 
          wrong, we cannot feel the desperation he usually exudes so well.
        
 To make up for the lack of real action 
          and suspense, director Fleder (the better Kiss The Girls) uses 
          a lot of heavy-handed visual tricks. Scenes set in the past get a nice 
          solid tone wash, but not in consistent colors (externals are blue, interiors 
          are amber, and then an exterior becomes amber). And for a couple of 
          scenes, the villains get the blue wash treatment for no reason whatsoever.
        
 A lot of action gets seen through either 
          reflections or video screens, which probably seemed cool at the time 
          but only distances us more. And Fleder does not trust the audience to 
          understand his analogies either. Quick cuts of rag dolls and subway 
          trains look arty, sure, but when they pay off, it ends up as patronizing.
        
 Still, there is that shot of the World 
          Trade Center. And yes, the audience whispered to each other when it 
          came onscreen. Not a one of them hissed, "can we please go now?" Nope. 
          We're staying. Even when the movie just isn't that good. 
        
What's 
          it worth? $3.99