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Disaster
Movie
Disaster
Movie opens Aug. 29 and in it the movie proclaims that
particular date to bring the end of the world. With any
luck it will bring the end of this chain of unentertaining
and unfunny attempts at parody from writer/director team
Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer ( Date Movie, Epic
Movie, Meet the Spartans). Disaster Movie
itself is a disaster of a film and barely scrapes together
a cognitive narrative to hold a movie together, so for that
reason, I’m not even going to write a coherent review.
For
your reading pleasure, the rest of this review will be a
list of thoughts I had about Disaster Movie…
•
Disaster Movie is a complete waste of time.
• The silence in the preview screening audience was
deafening.
• Kim Kardashian is such a terrible actress.
• I would totally DO Kim Kardashian.
• It’s sad when your movie can actually boast
a solid performance from Carmen Electra in a cameo.
• Carmen Electra is finally showing her age.
• I would totally DO Carmen Electra
• A lot of the jokes in Disaster Movie come
in musical form, but they’re not very audible and
fall on deaf ears. And/or they’re just not funny.
• Vanessa Minnillo is SUPER Hot.
• A lot of the mostly unfunny bits, went WAY too long.
• This movie isn’t a parody of all the big summer
movies, it’s a parody of all the summer movie trailers.
• All the Mad TV people did their best and
tried to save the movie, but they couldn’t prevail
over bad writing and horrid directing.
• Its official. The dance off as a joke and/or the
theory of “getting served” has been played OUT
just like white rappers acting black.
• Midgets are funny, but midgets for midgets' sake
is not.
• I would totally DO Vanessa Minillo.
• Timing is everything, people. This movie didn’t
have it.
• Main actor Matt Lantner was the voice of Anakin Skywalker
in Clone Wars
and actually plays Hayden Christensen in a spoof of Jumper,
where a person actually tells him, “You ruined Star
Wars.”
• The musical number at the end… completely
ineffective and too timely a joke to work.
• Felt like I was watching a movie written by a fourteen
year old, until Derek mentioned that there wasn’t
any nudity. So then I changed it to ten year old.
• Poop joke – check. Breast Milk joke –
check. Piss joke – check. Laughter from said jokes…..
• People were walking out before the film ended. THIS
WAS A FREE SCREENING!!!!!
Well
folks, if you have any sense, you will not go see Disaster
Movie. You will search online for any sex tapes from
Kim Kardashian, Carmen Electra or even one of the cute chicks
from Mad TV, because those will entertain you more and will
probably make you laugh more than you would have at Disaster
Movie -- although on one hand it works because you're
praying for a disaster to strike and end your misery.
Oh god… why?
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