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Vampires Anonymous
The Cinequest film festival is usually a place for films
about gay folks struggling for acceptance and masturbation,
without a single film to appeal to the fanboys of the world.
This year, a film made it in that changes all of that: Vampires
Anonymous, a movie dripping fanboy love for 87 minutes.
The film's
plot is silly. Vic, a vampire played by Paul Popowich, makes
a call for help after eating his most recent girlfriend in
the back of his '57 Chevy. In this moment of clarity before
the credits, Vic realizes that he wants to give up the vamp
lifestyle, and admits he has a problem.
He contacts
Vampires Anonymous and they set him down the twelve steps
to a normal lifestyle. He is given a sponsor, played by a
bearded Michael Madsen, who wears loud shirts and has mob
ties. By this point, the comedy has started to gel around
the steps themselves, all of which are modeled on the Alcoholics
Anonymous structure.
As part
of his rehabilitation, Vic is sent to a small town in North
Carolina, where, as the VA testing has shown, he will dine
on the tastiest sheep in America. He sets up shop in a taxidermy
shop next to a haunted house right at the start of the house's
busy season. With everything in place, he dines on the resident
sheep population, and meets Maggie (Nicole Forester) and starts
to fall in love.
As always,
complications arrive and Vic has himself a nice feed on the
real deal. Flying back and forth to LA for meetings with his
sponsor, Vic is shown as a confused vamp who's not sure if
he can actually live a regular life. He is also hunted by
a "Corporate Slayer," played by the beautiful Michelle
Stafford, a young woman who regularly injects herself with
vamp repellent serum.
While
she is obviously tough as nails, she's not very bright, and
Vic outsmarts her in a diner interrogation. The love story
between Maggie and Vic blooms, and the entire climax takes
place in the only location it could in a story like this:
the haunted house, while folks are taking the tours.
The first
thing I loved about this movie was the soundtrack. Ska rhythms
and a touch of psychobilly set the tone. Vic himself rides
a Vespa, wears a maroon flight jacket, skinny ties, and two-tone
spectator wing-tips. He's the reluctant rude boy vampire,
and it adds a layer of comedy to the film beyond the sheep
jokes. The framing device, the illustration of the twelve
steps, is a good one, and the filmmakers play with the graphics
themselves.
While
I went into this wanting a Michael Madsen vamp movie, it is
really owned by Popowich. He's not the over the top vampire
that he could have played, and his subtle bursting in the
small town adds a layer, though his performance is the only
thing that keeps it from being too thick a coat.
Madsen
is good in the role he has, though they only had him for one
day and it shows in the rushed feeling of some of his scenes.
I was most impressed with Steve Monroe, a local sheriff wannabe
who regularly drinks before noon but solves the case of the
mysterious sheep disappearances. He plays the yokel/narrator
for laughs, and it gives the film a fresh comedic scent, even
though it's just the same joke you expect in a different,
hilarious package.
If you
get a chance to see Vampires Anonymous, do so, for
God's sake! It's a movie made with fanboys in mind, and it
does our type proud. It will likely be available on video
in the near future, and a theatrical release is not out of
the question. For the time being, keep an eye out for showings
in festivals around the country, or at cons in your neighborhood.
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