Metallica Song for the Weeks of August 9, August 16 and August 23.
Ain't My Bitch
When one listens to Ain't My Bitch, one
is presented with a simple question: If that ain't my bitch, then what
be my bitch?
Locating one's bitch can be a delicate
process. Let's run down the Dos and Don'ts when identifying one's bitch.
- Do not ask items and/or persons whether
they are your bitch out loud.
- Do not take out a personal ad reading
"SWM iso my bitch."
- Do not write "My bitch" on
a Post-It note and secretly stick it on your co-workers.
- Do not produce a half-assed 80's movie
entitled "Desperately Seeking My Bitch."
- When at dinner parties, use the indefinite
article: "A bitch." Never "my bitch."
- Generate a series of bitch-highlighting
questions. Ask everyone you know these questions. Also, be sure to
post them on your Geocities homepage.
- Respond to all instances of "Anything
else?" with "Yeah. Where my bitch at?"
- Develop a bitch-entrancing stare. Use
it only at the drive-thru window.
- Go to a hip night club, become a DJ
and then once every hour say "All the bitches in the house say
- Start a poll in the forums of an entertainment
web site, like this one.
Using these techniques, I found my bitch,
and it turned out to be Lars Ulrich.
Good luck at finding your bitch!
this and more in the Fanboy forums.