Real advice, from a real girl, and she is not your mom or your sister.

You know you want to ask me.

Ask A Girl
8/21/01

 

Dear Sidney,

How much foreplay is enough? My hand gets tired, not to mention my mouth.

Sincerely,

Hoof and Mouth

Dear Hoof,

It’s quality, not quantity, although women take longer than men. 15 minutes is a minimum unless you are using battery operated toys. But, if you are going for an hour with no climax, then you are doing it wrong. Sorry. You’d probably better hear it from me instead of her. You’re probably doing it in the wrong place using too hard pressure and she is not lubricated enough. Work on it.

 

Dear Sidney,

What do women really think about penises?

Interested,

Richard

Dear Dick,

Women like penises where the sun don’t shine. Other than that, they are ugly. But Volkswagen bugs are ugly and women love them, too, so don’t fret.

 

Dear Sidney,

Why do women have so many shoes?

Yours truly,

Shoeless Joe

Dear Joe,

It’s a woman thing. It is caused by a twist in the X chromosome, and is an incurable condition, alleviated only by frequent purchases of cute shoes in all colors. In studies it has been noted that one really good pair of shoes heavily outweighs a number of ugly shoes in addressing the problem, and placebo shoes (such as flip flops) don't work at all. Average shoe purchases occur monthly and can run from $50 to $500. The exception is a shoe sale.

 

Dear Sidney,

What is the best position?

Sincerely,

Doggie Dan

Dear Dan,

Variety.

 

Sidney Long

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