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Every Monday, Wednesday and Friday we give you the scoop on what's happening in and out of the wrestling ring. Somedays it's even funny!
Chairshots
8/21/01
SummerSlam 2001 is over now. Looking back, it was one of the best. That sounds good, but SummerSlam has a rich and crappy history. How hard is it to be one of the best when previous SummerSlams included such matches as Undertaker vs. Undertaker and Bret Hart vs. Doink the Clown? But simply being better than inferior shows is not the kind of wrestling show I want to spend my money on. With a few changes to the card here and there using basically the same wrestlers, SummerSlam 2001 could have been the Pay Per View of the year.
Sunday Night Heat
The WWF has one hour of live television before the pay per view to put the finishing touches on any feuds and warm up the crowd with a live match or two. I'm taking the same liberty in my fantasy booking.
Shawn Stasiak vs. Perry Saturn - Now the matches on Heat don't have to necessarily be any good, just entertaining. So why not put the head WWF stooge in a match vs. the head WCW stooge? Stasiak can get the pin over Saturn because it shows that he is working hard to do his best for the Alliance.
J.R. and Paul Heyman shill SummerSlam and they show a highlight package of Rock vs. Booker.
X-Pac vs. Matt for the WCW Cruiserweight Championship - When will the WWF realize that the boos for X-Pac are not because he is a heel. There is no reason to have him on the pay per view, so he gets bumped to Heat. Matt Hardy and X-Pac have a fast paced match. X-Pac at some point grabs Lita and tries to kiss her. Lita and Matt beat down on X-Pac forcing a DQ. X-Pac slinks away while Matt Hardy fumes in jealousy. This sets up that Matt thinks all the wrestlers, including his brother, want Lita, leading to their eventual split.
The announcers do more selling of SummerSlam and a highlight package of Austin vs. Angle.
Backstage we see Vince McMahon getting some coffee; Shane McMahon walks up to him. They argue over who is going to win tonight. They agree to a side bet that stipulates that the federation with the most wins at SummerSlam will get to name a new commissioner.
Chyna vs. Ivory for the Women's Title in a Hardcore match - I'll be honest and say that I don't really get into Women's matches except for the T&A value. There was the exception of a brutal hardcore rules match that took place on Raw years ago between Tori and Ivory, an awesome match. Since we all know that Chyna can beat any woman in a regular match, Ivory makes the challenge of a hardcore match. Chyna makes her return to television and is instantly jumped from behind by Ivory. They do the usual fighting backstage with trash cans and plate glass windows. Just as Chyna is about to go down for the count, both ladies are attacked by Jacqueline. Jacqueline pins Chyna while Ivory is knocked out and claims that since it was a hardcore match, it can be fought according to the 24-7 hardcore title rules. This sets up an Ivory vs. Jacqueline feud plus gets the title off Chyna since her contract with the WWF expires in November.
Last minute selling of the pay per view.
SummerSlam
Kanyon vs. Spike for the WCW U.S. Title - Kanyon didn't earn his WCW US title since Booker T. just gave it to him. He needs to beat someone and beat him badly in order to be perceived by the fans as a legitimate wrestler. Who better than bump machine Spike Dudley. They fight for 6-7 minutes and Kanyon gets the pin. Alliance 1 - WWF 0
Test vs. Kane - Test just recently jumped from the WWF to the Alliance, but the writers haven't really followed that jump up with anything spectacular. Here, Test gets to go against a big man in Kane and he will pull out a win at around the 5 minute mark. Kane doesn't really lose anything by losing, but Test starts the first step towards something bigger. Alliance 2 - WWF 0
Tajiri vs. Tommy Dreamer - Last night on Raw Tommy Dreamer made his WWF in ring debut in a 12 man tag match and he was pinned by The Big Show. Remember when wrestlers would debut and the WWF would have them win their first few matches so that fans liked them or thought they were cool? Why waste Tommy Dreamer in a tag match and have him lose to The Big Slow? Instead, Dreamer makes his debut at SummerSlam against Tajiri. They have a good solid match and Dreamer scores the pin. Alliance 3 - WWF 0
Rhyno vs. Jericho - They had a decent match at SummerSlam with the exception of Jericho's missed spots. I'd book Rhyno to win the match because Jericho has proven he's not ready to be a main event wrestler and Rhyno should be given the chance to prove he is. No kiss for Jericho on Stephanie because I did that on Heat. Alliance 4 - WWF 0
Edge vs. Lance Storm for the WWF Intercontinental Championship - I wouldn't change a thing. The match they had was great. Alliance 4 - WWF 1
Jeff Hardy vs. Rob Van Dam in a 2 out of 3 falls hardcore match - It was too early in their feud for a ladder match (not that I'm complaining about a ladder match!) so I'd have them wrestle 2 out of 3 falls. Another good match with each man scoring a pin on the other before Jeff Hardy manages to get the win. If the WWF wants to continue the feud then they can have the ladder match at Unforgiven or have it main event a Raw episode in a few weeks. Alliance 4 - WWF 2
Diamond Dallas Page vs. Undertaker - When will these two just fight one on one and get it over with? Since it sure seems like the WWF is stopping the push of Diamond Dallas Page, then Undertaker beats the snot out of DDP, Sara gets a few shots in and Taker gets the win. The End. Forever. Alliance 4 - WWF 3
Rock vs. Booker T for the WCW World Championship - If you watched SummerSlam live then you saw how Kurt Angle was screwed out of the WWF title. I'd do the same thing here, but Booker T. would get the win. The Rock is always going to be popular, so why not let Booker T. win? It helps Booker and their feud in the long run. The Rock can still do the midget thing on Raw to set up a rematch if he wants to. Alliance 5 - WWF 3
Kurt Angle vs. Steve Austin for the WWF World Championship - Same exact match except Kurt wins in a clean pin over Austin. It looks like Austin and Angle are going to continue their feud anyway, so why not give the fans what they want and let Angle win? Alliance 5 - WWF 4
Ok, that's the show. We have still sent the fans home happy and given the at home audience more bang for their buck.
Raw, the next night
Instead of Stone Cold appreciation night, the show starts off with Kurt Angle in an Olympic ceremony similar to the one he had a few months ago on Raw. Kurt thanks the fans, blah, blah, It's true! It's true!, blah only to be interrupted by Steve Austin and all the Alliance members. They all walk slowly to the ring and beat the crap out of Angle. WWF wrestlers try to stop the beat down, but are unsuccessful. Paul Heyman gets on the mic and tells everyone that despite Kurt's win last night, the Alliance won the right to crown a new Commissioner. They leave Kurt in a heap in the ring.
At the end of the show, all the Alliance members come out to the ring and they crown Shane McMahon the new Commissioner. Shane has been lost in the shuffle since Heyman and Stephanie joined with WCW, so he needs something to do. Shane announces that his first act as Commissioner is to make a rematch for the WWF World Title at Unforgiven with a match stipulation to be added at a later date. Just then Kurt Angle drives the milk truck down and drenches the Alliance, just like he did on Raw.
So, there you go. We're in the same place that current WWF storylines are, but we've given the fans what they wanted and added some heat to a few feuds. I'm just one guy and I came up with this. The WWF creative team should be able to come up with something a lot better than what they gave us.
