Falls Count Anywhere

10-10-03

I, too, had a cousin named Chuy until Robert A. Salvatore killed him.

Welcome to Falls Count Anywhere! My name is Chris and there's a lady that's sure all that glitters is gold...

SmackDown!
Man, the review segment at the beginning was too much, but at least it gave me another view of those McMahon boobs. What kind of bra does that to breasts?

Well, Linda is back. She gives one of those understated (only because she cannot drag up an emotion with a lake net) interviews.

They have to be sweetening the crowd sound for the entrances, 'cause I've never heard Steph get a pop like that. She looks stunning in a halter pantsuit that I believe used to be in the closet of Honor Blackman. Sable comes out in her own body suit…or I think she did, I was a little distracted by something getting in the way of her outfit. Not a great segment, but I am sure the folks who thought that the Ironman match was dull will eat it up. No…not even they will buy this crap.

Tajiri and Ultimo Dragon have a match that was good, but nowhere the level it would have been in 1998. They did some cool kicking, and a few cool spots, but the timing seemed off at a few points. Still, a nice match to see. Rey's mini-beatdown afterwards was good. This will be a fine match at No Mercy.

Well, the FBI and the Undertaker had a match. There was nothing terrible here. There was little of anything that I would consider good, either. It was just a way to get some face time for UT. It's hard to do a chain match in this day and age, but they could pull it off at No Mercy. Really, you gotta do matches like this with UT at this point.

Hey, Paul London is here! Let's see if I can end this article with the kid having any sort of stardom.

Big Show attacks a guy eating a burrito. How cute. The match with Orlando Jordan at least followed up on a storyline, but still, I don't like it. Jordan has real talent. Get him into a pushed tag team. It's his only hope.

Zach Gowen is back! I really do like the kid.

Eddy gives a little interview that shows his true talent. This guy gets a good pop, and has a presence that works in this role. They are doing good stuff, if you forget about the whole thing they did last week.

Angle and Cena's rap off was lame, but the brawl afterwards was great. Nice suplexes from Kurt. It must be nice for Kurt to be able to throw around a guy who can fly for his tosses.

Zach and Shannon Moore had a match that wasn't great, but it was good enough. Zach is so courageous.

The Bashems and A-Train had a match with APA and Chris Benoit that wasn't awful, and Chris Benoit wasn't in it as much as Bradshaw. I like the Bashems and I want to see them work more. They were selling Shaniqua's injuries by not having her with them this week. Nice to see them following the storyline injuries up.

You'd look good in a spicy barbecue sauce...

Brock had Paul London fed to him. Poor London, didn't even make it 500 words as a star. They can rebuild him, but treating a guy as a jobber is never a good way to start things. It did remind me of the early 1990s when Steve Williams and Terry Gordy would beat up on jobbers in squashes that were endlessly entertaining. Good to see Spanky involved in an angle. Man, that toss into the post was awesome. He's a great worker, he should be challenging for the cruiserweight title more often and on SmackDown! instead of Velocity.

Chavo got Big Show to the ring with some sweat mockery of his Real Estate agent attire. The fact that it was a match was lame, as it could have worked as just an angle and there is nothing gained by having a match, even if it was just an excuse for a countout loss and a sewage soaking. This segment also proved something that I have always known: that every Mexican has a cousin named Chuy.

Not the way I'd end things, but it does show that they are thinking of Eddy in 2003 in the same way they thought of Steve Austin in 1997 by letting him get the better of a heel in the final segment. Still, not enough good stuff to hold me. It would be much nicer if they went back to the formula where you had RAW for your angles and the like, and on SmackDown! you got your wrestling.

News
Hey, it's not wrestling, but it's cool. On November 8th at the San Jose Civic Auditorium, for the first time in years…ROLLER DERBY! That's right, the track will be laid down and a fight in low-level flight will take place. For those of you unfamiliar with Roller Derby, it's basically what TNN was calling Roller Jam a couple fo years ago. It used to be huge in the Bay Area and KTVU Channel 2 used to show it and got monster ratings. It pretty much died out in 1973, but they are back for one night only!

FlashBack!
The most dangerous and disgusting thing I've ever witnessed personally happened at an ECW show in 1996. The incident has been discussed as one of the most brutal and hateful things ever done in a wrestling ring, and it forever changed how people looked at ECW fans. I was there in Revere, MA the night of the Mass Transit Incident.

It started pretty small. Axl Rotten had no-showed the show as he had a Jersey booking the same night. So, with a definite lack of wrestlers, Paul Heyman was looking around for someone to fill his spot teaming with D-Von Dudley against the Gangstas. A kid who had done a little bit of work for one of the local feds stepped forward and offered. His name was Eric Kulas. He was 17, 400 pounds or so, and his dad had somehow gotten him backstage. Kulas showed Heyman a fake ID and Paul E. put him in the ring. As Kulas was wearing a bus driver's uniform, they dubbed him "Mass Transit."

Maybe...maybe not...

Now, here things get a little hazy between the official word, what I remember seeing and what I've heard from others who were in the know. Paul and company were behind the curtain that separated the backstage from the ringside area. I had a seat on the aisle and could easily see in the back and hear what folks were saying. I heard New Jack of the Gangstas and the kid talking about the match. Apparently, he told New Jack that he had no idea how to blade and New Jack said he could do it for him. This isn't unheard of, but it is somewhat suspicious.

The match went on as planned, with all sorts of weapons used to brutalize D-Von and the kid. After a few minutes, New Jack brought out a knife and sliced across Kulas' forehead, which squirted blood. Now, at this point, ECW had been doing blood so often that the audience was totally into it, chanting things that I cannot put into this article.

Most of us were into it until the match ended and the kid stayed down. The medical crew came out and helped the kid. The wound required 50 stitches to close. He laid in the ring and the crowd kept on chanting. One chant, started by a friend of mine went "Everybody's Dead!" and got really loud.

As New Jack left the ring, he stopped and in front of the ECW fancam said "I hope the fat f**k dies." And then went to the back. Paul Heyman greeted him at the curtain, I clearly saw it, and patted him on the shoulder. He later said that the kid now had his ECW initiation.

Now, the show was almost stopped, but it got back on track, though afterwards there was some ugliness outside the dog track / arena. There was a lawsuit, but Kulas couldn't keep his story straight and lost all his attempts. He died in 2001 and never wrestled again. The incident was a major reason why ECW couldn't get national TV until 1999, and the way the fans were viewed by the promotion was forever changed.

The shame of it is, Paul E. is the bad guy. What I saw and what I heard all points to the fact that Paul E. sent that kid out there knowing damn well that New Jack and Mustafa were going to brutalize him. His reaction afterwards was quiet, but not terribly concerned except with the concept of them closing down the show. He sicced New Jack on the kid, plain and simple.

A couple of strange coincidences also happened at the show. Joanie Lauer, still a few months from her debut as Chynna in the WWF, was at the show, sitting a row behind me. I am fairly certain that Killer Kowalski and Johnny Rodz were there too. At leat a half-dozen other old timers were in attendance and I think several of Kowalski's students were there as well. My point: this event was well known within the community, yet no one ever made Paul E. out to be the bad guy. From where I was, it was obvious. I just wonder why no one else ever mentioned it.

That's all for this week. More to come.

Chris Garcia