Falls Count Anywhere

09-26-03

Vince McMahon's Red-headed Stepchild.

Welcome to Falls Count Anywhere! My name is Chris and Jesse Jackson was not one of the original MTV VJs.

SmackDown!
Not a great show, but there were a couple of really good matches. I was upset with the bookends to the whole thing, as McMahon and co. are too much all over this show.

The opening segment was coming close to working, but Cena interjected, which is good, but then went nowhere, which is very bad. Cena leaving and Kurt following basically killed the momentum for Kurt. You have to give the losing champ a chance to get back some heat. They did it with HHH pretty well, why can't they do it with Kurt? Answer: Last Week's Ratings.

Eddy and Chavo prove that they are the best team in wrestling with a very good match against Mattitude. Matt is so clean. I know I talk about him a lot, but he is that talented. Eddy looked great and Chavo is getting back in his rhythm. I love the Matt neckbreakers. Good match, though not the superior match that it would have been 6 months ago.

Follow-up with Haas attacking Eddy, giving their match later a bit of heat going in. Haas is talented, he really is.

A-Train is awful. At least with Sable around he had something to look at. The way he just stood out of the Crossface is disgraceful. They could have done that months ago before Benoit beat him 3 or 4 times and I would have been OK because Benoit would end up looking good, but what was the point of this?

Haas gave a decent little interview. He's going to be a solid heel before all is said and done.

That's a big domino.

Rey Mysterio vs. Tajiri had to be good. It moved like a Tajiri match, but the spots were built to like Rey always does them. It was strong, especially when they were exchanging near-falls.

Nice Double Jump Plancha! Tajiri with a gorgeous Wheelbarrow back suplex. Just great stuff all around. This is a solid feud and I would normally be bothered by the title change at this point in the feud, but it worked this go around.

By the way, Tazz's call helped this match a lot. By pointing things like the fact that kicking out supposedly strains the abdomen he raises the level of the matches he calls.

The Bashems need a real push. Shaniqua is working. She's a tough chick and she's going to get over big if they find a way to get her in with the girls on Raw. The match was OK, with Jamie Noble and Doug Bashem doing good stuff, but it wasn't fantastic.

Hey, let me give mad props to the WWE for their great recap package for the Iron Man match. They did a great job. They do these better than just about anyone…except maybe NFL Films (…but for Vince Lombardi and the Green Bay Packers, there would be another day).

Charlie Haas and Eddy had a good match. Big Show attacking Eddy smelt like an excuse to give a title to Haas while he waits for Shelton to get better, but it worked out. Nice backbreaker into the submission by Haas. Eddy's selling was beautiful, and the storyline they pushed, Haas working his ribs and Eddy selling them like a bee-yatch. Eddy getting the win, overcoming the odds is the thing you do when you want believe to believe in your champion. They are doing Eddy right at the moment. I hope they keep it up.

Meh.

Never give me a segment like the Title presentation as a main event. I hate them, even if they build to the next main event. The Daddy / Daughter match will suck. The beatdown was only fair, but we've seen and done Brock vs. UT to a strong finish.

I know they have no faith in most of their other talent, but they should have used the time to give a shot to someone we've not seen. I still think Brock is the answer, but they should try to vary things on top.

I hated the way the show moved, building to a dumb presentation. I liked some of the matches, but didn't like most of the rest. Eddy was the star, and Haas stepped up. Rey and Eddy did what they do, so I'd say this was a stream of mud with a few golden nuggets.

News
It's looking more and more like The Rock is hanging 'em up for a good while. He's got tons of offers, and has commitments for three more films, so time is tight. He's done several interviews that sound like goodbyes, including one on Raw, so it's hard to say. My guess is that as long as he is hot, he'll stay Mr. Hollywood.

FlashBack!
Now, the best thing I can say about Jobbers is that they always give so much and ask so little. There are dozens of jabronies who made guys like the Road Warriors, the Midnight Express, and the Ultimate Warrior into the unstoppable machines they became. I've seen everyone from Iron Mike Sharpe to Johnny K-9 step through the ropes ready to let some big name star pummel them for two minutes. Sometimes they grow up to be stars themselves, like Shane Douglas or Sean Waltman. Other times they stay at the level of jobber for long periods. And sometimes, they waffle between the two. In that category, I present to you Mr. Barry Horowitz.

I believe Barry started out his career in Georgia, being introduced under the name Bret Harte. Yep, Bret Harte. It was about the same time as Bret was starting, but he had yet to come South of the Icy Border. Barry made a little bit of a name for himself, but pretty quickly ended up doing sky-gazer jobs for the bigger names in the territory. He moved around quite a bit, mostly on the low end of the card. He drifted into some level of obscurity, until he appeared in the WWF in the late 1980s.

Barry Whovavitz?

Barry had a ton of charisma, and whenever they would introduce him, he would pat himself on the back in an act of arrogance before he was destroyed. It was a sweet little gimmick, as folks really wanted to see him get his what-for. He did some legendary jobs to the likes of Randy Savage, Koko B. Ware, and getting hammered by knees from The King Harley Race. It was always a couple of good moves and then he'd get beat up by the name wrestler. Then came 1995, when he got his shot.

Barry Horowitz got something of a push through a program with Hakushi, aka Jensei Shinzaki. He got a few high profile wins on Raw and a win or two on PPV. HE was featured in all sorts of skits and all over the WWF magazine. He was a star for a while, and like every star at that point, he jumped.

I really don't remember much of Barry Horowitz in the WCW, but I know he was there. That best summarizes his total career: you were never supposed to know he had been in the ring, just remember what the big guys did to him.

He still works the small shows around the country, and I believe that he is training wrestlers himself. There needs to be another Barry Horowitz, a guy who selflessly gives of himself to make the other guy look good. HHH should be forced to watch every one of his matches.

That's all for this week. More next week.

Chris Garcia