Falls Count Anywhere

09-09-03

My favorite move is The Pilesdriver. It's a real pain in the ass.

Welcome to Falls Count Anywhere! My name is Chris and I am known to the State of California to be carcinogenic.

RAW
Kane and RVD took on one another in a cage match to open the show. Now, the match wasn't bad, but the crowd was dead to start.

Actually, I think it might have been bad crowd miking, since when they got into the chants, you could hear them just fine. Kane dominated at first, which made sense, but RVD got a minimum of offense in for a guy they are obviously thinking of as a future player. Kane did some nice heeling, including the cool RVD shoulder pointing. The false finish was cool, almost the same as the finish to the classic McMahon vs. Austin St. Valentine's Day Massacre match from 1998.

As always, it got very dramatic as RVD kept climbing, but it ended with a quick chokeslam off the top for the pin by Kane. Ended too fast, but it was OK for the time it lasted. I hated JR playing up his angle against Kane stemming from the burning angle of a month or so ago. I understand this goes against everything they say about drawing money, but the legitimacy of JR is worth more than anything they gained from playing up the angle.

Wow, JR and Lawler vs. Al Snow and Coach. That match is gonna suck when Lawler and Snow aren't in. Bisch ranted at just about the right level.

Holy Mother of God, that outfit that Jacky Gayda is wearing is too hot. Goldust is great. He annoys many, but there are just too many little things that he does that make him a strong part of RAW. Rico can't even get people to chant against Storm. Goldust gets a great Rico Sucks chant going though. A technically sound match, and there was some heat. Maybe they can resurrect Storm's career.

HHH can still do a nice backstage promo, and his bit with Bischoff was fine. Nothing super, but solid. Never let me say the egotist can't talk.

The WWE has delayed posting pictures the day after shows, so as a public service, we give you last Thursday's post-Smackdown moment of gratuitousness.

Jacky (good to see her back) and Trish take on Gail Kim and Molly Holly in a match that wasn't bad, but lacked the fire you get from Trish and Victoria in their matches. I like Molly, and Trish didn't get enough in, but Gail sorta brought this match down.

Stone Cold was funny talking about his boozing, but it went on too long. The crowd was into it, and it actually helped the rest of the card as far as heat went. Christian is getting all sorts of rub from Austin and Jericho are helping a bit, but Christian asking for his own talk show is a little much. I thought it was funny, though. Jericho finally showed a little fire against Austin in his promo. Nice way to use a "Doo Wah Diddy" by Jericho. A good segment that went long.

Well, Hurricane and Rosie teamed with the Dudleys, all three of them, against La Resistance and Theodore R. Long's men. It wasn't great, but it was all action. These ten man matches are a good idea every now and again since they give a lot of people a chance to get on the show and there are enough people to allow for a lot of action.

I love the Samoan Drop / Neckbreaker combo that Hurricane Rosie does. La Resistance nearly killed Spike by missing the table. Almost as bad as Raven nearly getting brained on the edge of the table against the Pitbulls back in 1995. I hope he'll be OK.

Well, wrestling fans, it looks like y'all clapped too hard and the Steiner/Test feud lives. The match between Steven Richards and Scott Steiner was short and bad. Victoria is tall, hot, and hotter than blazes. Stacey is tall, leggy, and annoying when she tries to do anything but enter the ring.

Having Coach come out to be a heel with Photoshop slides of JR and King was kinda funny. You can tell a company is in need of heels when the third string show announcers are the best heel interviews on the show.

The "Main Event" was very transparent. Though Bischoff came out to try and give the switch to all of us at home, it was obvious that Orton was gonna be Goldberg's partner and that it would devolve into a beatdown. They've been doing so much right with Goldberg of late that I thought they'd be smarter about it than this.

I'd say the show was a near dud. The backstage stuff was OK, with the Goldust/Storm stuff and HHH mic work saving that section. The matches were all about OK, though I did like the cage match a fair deal. The deal between Al Snow, Coach, Lawler and JR took away from the announcing and annoyed me a lot. Credibility is so much more important than an easy pop. Let JR announce, damn you!

NEWS
Bautista, remember him? Of course you don't, but he's coming back, likely in the next month. The monster who was in the original Evolution will be returning to RAW, but no word on whether or not they'll be using him in the Evolution group or not.

HHH still isn't in good ring shape. He'll still do the job to Goldberg, but it won't be much of a match.

Saw Jerry Lawler on a rerun of Dave Attell's Insomniac on Sunday. Lawler came off exactly like his WWE personae, but Attell surprised me by knowing anything about wrestling. He correctly mentioned that Lawler's favorite move was the Piledriver. I was shocked!

FlashBack!
Hallelujah! 'Rasslers have been getting into religion for years. In the old days, many churches featured events where wrestling was a part of the good natured fun. The YMCA and old time legend Farmer Burns helped to popularize wrestling in the US as a way to steer clear of the problems that "modern" society had been bringing on. In recent years, a great many former grapplers have turned to religion and have even become an important part of religious programming.

Fritz Von Erich, real name Jack Adkisson, had played a Nazi for a number of years in the ring, but in the 1970s, he had fallen in with a group of religious broadcasters. Many to this day claim that Von Erich was playing them to get TV exposure, but he did seem to legitimately have an interest, and brought himself and his family into the fold. World Class Championship Wrestling, Fritz's Dallas promotion, got onto one of the networks and was then being shown around the world. For some reason, WCCW was huge in Israel. Go figure. Fritz was involved with the Church until his death in the late 1990s.

Now he wrestles with angels.

Tully Blanchard was one of the original Four Horsemen, and many would claim that he was one of the best workers in America during the 1980s. His feud with Dusty Rhodes over the TV title was a classic, his Starrcade 1985 I-Quit Cage match with Magnum TA was easily one of the 10 best of the 1980s, and his tag team with Arn Anderson set the standard in both the NWA and WWF. He would go out to try and steal the show every night, and usually could. He also would party every night like it was 1995. In 1989, he failed a drug test right before an attempted jump back to the NWA, which ended up killing his career. He still occasionally wrestles, but now most of his time is spent working as an ordained minister.

Blanchard often goes to prisons and congregations across the country, talking about his past and how folks can change their lives. The one time I've watched the 700 Club in the last few years was when Tully was on and telling stories about the old days on the road.

Blanchard isn't the only one of his Late 80s NWA crew to get heavy into God. Nikita Koloff (real name: Scott Simpson) went towards the light in the early 1990s, after his wife became seriously ill. Sting went the same way in the late-1990s and it seriously affected the plans that the bookers had for him as they were still doing the Crow version of Sting.

The Million Dollar Man Ted DiBiase left wrestling as well, and started Heart of David Ministries. Ted has been all over the various religious TV channels for the last few years. He drew a large crowd at a church in San Jose a year or so ago. His other venture, Power Wrestling Allegiance, is a combination Come to Jesus and wrestling show. Featuring former stars like Hector (my brother is Eddy) Guerrero, George South, and the Super Destroyer, he delivers the word with well-produced, pretty entertaining wrestling shows around the country.

Shawn Michaels is another whose party past led him into the hands of God, though he hasn't really done the circuit like many of the others. Usually his T-shirts have to do the talking for him on WWE shows. I believe there was an office memorandum saying that he should "tone it down" shortly after his return. He has given many interviews on the subject, but mostly to lower-level outlets.

More and more wrestlers turn to religion after their in-ring run is over, likely due to the fact that the lifestyle many of them lead while on the road can lead to a great deal of guilt. That's not to say that there aren't Jewish wrestlers, like Goldberg, Barry Horowitz, and Dean Malenko, for example. Goldberg has been frequently mentioned by various Jewish organizations as a fine example. I couldn't believe my ears the first time I heard his name mentioned on one of those comparitive religion shows where they bring together major figures from across the board.

That's all for this week. Friday: SmackDown! notes and the Von Erichs: Front Row, Graveside!

Chris Garcia