Falls Count Anywhere

07-18-03

Surprise...I'm a simp!

Welcome to Falls Count Anywhere! My name is Chris and I ain't at ComiCon, and so have to ogle my women on-line like the rest of the simps.

SmackDown!
The opening was not bad, as there is no better heel than Vince, and you gotta love Brock for hanging in there. The crowd noise was obviously fixed to drop the "Asshole" chants. I really wish they would go back to the formulae where they would open with a hot match and then do the long talking segment.

Matt vs. Benoit was a good match, made better by the busted nose. For some reason, blood added to wrestling makes it better. Not nearly long enough, but strong from both guys. I love that finish, as pushing the crossface as a move that can beat you at a moments notice out of nowhere, like DDP and the Diamond Cutter, is a good gimmick that has a chance to get over.

Hey, Steph looks hot in her pink top. The stuff with Vince is getting oogy. I do like the fact that Sable is being held in a "Secure Location," likely on the lap of anyone with a twenty between their knuckles.

At ComicCon, Sable is known as... The 10th Muse!

Hi, I'm Brock Lesnar. I'm the top draw on SmackDown! and I'm doing comedy with Kurt Angle on the under. Smart booking? Well, it worked for Kurt in 2001, but they've built Brock as a monster.

Nidia walking out on Jamie Noble was expected, but she still got to come out in her pimp-love fur coat. Man, I gotta get me one of those. The match with Ultimo showed that UD is the Ric Flair of the Cruiserweights: not as good as he was in his heyday, but still, he does the things that made him King and can still work a good match. I wish they would allow Ultimo to get wins with that sweet finisher he used in his debut. His match with Rey-Rey should tear the place down.

Man, Cena painting Undertaker as the insatiable top was a little too much, but it proves that Cena is master of his gimmick. I liked the call back to the old UT, who should be back in a year or so as Callis starts to wind down his career.

I like the APA, but why did Bradshaw get the Billy Gunn 'do? I am betting that the Barroom Brawl Battle Royal will suck.

Hey, the Conquistadors are back! Some miscommunications between Rey and Kidman early. It's nice to see the bookers understanding the value of jobbers, as you pretty much need them to build new stars and not blow through all your possible money match-ups. I'm not saying that I want the old wrestling plan back, but one a week is fine. I actually liked the match, and it proves that you can't powerbomb Kidman. It should be a good match with the Greatest Tag Team on Earth at Vengeance.

Too much Vince! What was the point of bringing him out again? I love Sable in that outfit. Man, Vince must get none, as he is always writing himself nailing the hot ladies. Overcompensation, dude. I am not a fan of mocking worthless cripples, especially since his knocks on Gowen were only so-so. I like the Cena addition in the talk. Hanging all the angles off of Vince is OK, but can easily be over done. Best Line: "Forget his leg, his whole career is prosthetic." That's good wrong comedy.

Man, APA making the save by giving invites to the brawl to Rhyno and O'Haire was a nice touch. I really think O'Haire is dead weight without someone like Piper behind him.

Man, Sable has watched her Dynasty, as she sent back her champagne in true Carrington fashion.

Man, Bart Gunn took a beating at the hands of Butterbean. I remember watching that as it was live and just laughing my head off.

Billy Gunn vs. Eddy Guerrero was almost as nice as the car that Eddy (Guerrero is still my favorite wrestler) rolled up in. Eddy was obviously favored by the crowd. Even Torrie can't get them into Billy Gunn. Nice chair shot to end it, which the crowd loved.

Holy crap did Stephanie take a beating at the hands of Sable! And Sable did what we'd all like to have a shot at by slapping Josh Matthews. Why does Steph make those noises when she is being beaten? Steph took a couple of solid bumps. Say what you will, but the McMahons give their all when taking shots.

Well, I hate these handicapped matches, but this was good. I am also enjoying the fact that the Falls Count Anywhere match is gaining popularity, not in small part due to this column. (please refrain from taking away what little I think I have) Kurt is the best in the world, and he made Big Show look OK, and A Tag Team Formally Refered To As Team Angle was great too. Man, they take HUGE suplexes. Benjamin looked like he took one belly-to-back hard. Man, Zach takes awesome bumps, and the flipping dropkick he delivered ruled. The kick from Benjamin to Haas was so stiff that I bet Charlie and Shelton ain't on speaking terms. I liked the ending quite a bit.

I'd say this was in line with what they should be doing in building the PPV, making the stars look unbeatable and giving us hints at the future angles. Zach has a good push going in, and Vince is getting too much time, but he's still got the audience.

News
Well, Torrie Wilson and Billy Kidman got married last week, with a few wrestlers there, including Kanyon, Disco Inferno and Billy Gunn. No time for love, Doctor Jones, as they were on the road, so no honeymoon.

WWE is in Japan, but apparently not setting any box office records. The final show should be hot though, and I bet they'll have all sorts of footage on up-coming SmackDown! brand television.

TNA is bringing in Crash Holly. To me, that was a no brainer, as he fits with so many of their guys.

Manny Fernandez, former NWA Tag Team champ and partner of Rick Rude, is having poor health. He was a wrestler at Lincoln High School in San Jose at the same time as my Dad. He is having serious liver problems. I've seen him wrestle a bunch of indy shows over the years and he seldom gets the respect he deserves.

FlashBack! The Food Editions

A great place for bladder relief.

My trip to Seattle featured a stop at a little town south of Redding, right on Highway 5. I had been driving for 5 hours, my bladder needed relief and my stomach needed food. Thank God I came across Mean Gene's Burgers.

Mean Gene lent his name and face to a chain of restaurants around the country just as WCW was starting to fail. The Orion food corp. came to an agreement with Gene and opened a bunch of these, mostly in the South. They are pretty standard, usually mixed in with Gas Stations along busy routes, like I-5 and US 10. They are easily Identifiable by the Yellow and black chequerboard all over the place.

Now, the food. Not any different than any other roadside fast food joint. A bunch of burgers, a chicken sandwich and a couple of other things. I will now replay the interaction between me and the woman behind the counter when I ordered.

Doreen(A sixty-something woman who looks every year of it): Hey there honey, what can I get ya?

Chris: How about a chicken sandwich?

Doreen: Well…that takes a little longer. I'll put one on for you.

Chris: OK. How much?

Doreen (turning towards the registar): Now, hold on a sec, I'll get it ready in a minute.

Chris: OK.

Ten minutes later I get my sandwich and I eat it. It's fair, tasty and hotter than the fires of hell. I ate it, used the ultraclean restrooms(which they tout on the Orion website) and head out about 6.50 lighter. As I left, taking my photos along the way, they offered me a bunch of bags, a t-shirt, and a couple of placemats that have Mean Gene in a terrifying pose, looking like he is offering you a burger, only it looks like something out of a Tom Petty video. Scary.

If you are going that way, it's worth the stop. There are also Mean Gene's Pizza coming in around the country soon, and I am betting that'll be on the same level. I was totally marking out for a burger joint. How many folks can say that?

That's enough for this week. Next week will feature those WCW and WWF restaurants and more news, views and more.

Chris Garcia