Falls Count Anywhere

07-08-03

How many of you know who Andre Norton even is?

Welcome to Falls Count Anywhere! My name is Chris and Andre Norton has a Posse.

RAW
Fun, fast, and it came together. I still feel the whole trouble with the split PPVs is the dead zone a show has between them.

Booker T vs. Christian wasn't bad. It just went long, and had the same dumb false ending that they've done a bunch of times. Still better than some of the matches they've had in the last few weeks. This was nice and long, and the second half was much better and far hotter than the first. The ending was a nice touch, but they've already blown the money on this one, as they should have done the switch at a PPV.

Tommy Dreamer had a nice crimson mask going on and he didn't even step into the ring. I do kinda like these storylines, where they have to solve a mystery. But they never pull them off right. Buhbuh Ray has intensity to spare and can make any of these types of angles come off good. The fact that it started to turn into "And Then There Were None" got to be a little annoying.

Teddy Long rules. Rosey is still around, and his match with the Hurricane was just about what I expected. I didn't like the post match turn for no good reason.

A little something for our webmaster...

Victoria is so HOT as a crazy chick. The match was fairly good, with Steven Richards against Gail Kim and Val Venis and some solid work. The crowd popped big for Kim, especially for the rope walk into the armdrag. Fun stuff, and a nice little hurrincanrana finish. Victoria, you are my one and only.

Kevin Nash and Test had their little stare down. The whole thing is worthless, except for a shot of Trish's lovelies.

The Highlight Reel was a nice touch. Shawn Michaels and Chris Jericho are natural rivals, and the two of them work very well together. Good way to play off all the Canada they were surrounded by.

Kane as Blowfeld didn't quite work, but hey, he did look evil. The Austin interview was weak, since the storyline makes only half-medium sense as it stands.

The match between Test and Kevin Nash was bad, but the beatdown on Trish was a nice touch to give Test a little heat. And she took it like a champ.

Jindrake and Jericho had a match that was what you'd expect, and not enough to get Mark into the category of wrestlers people wanna see.

Trish and Molly had a fun match that the crowd enjoyed. Trish is a good worker. She's not just a pretty face, incredibly hot body, and HOLY SWEET JESUS pair of boobs. She's really a fine worker. Molly is good as well.

Evolution got a nice reaction coming out, but I assume it is more due to Flair being a legend than any build they have done with the group. RVD also got a great pop coming out. The match worked for me, though it wasn't much special, just a solid match.

The whole Kane thing, with him turning back and forth, got a good pop from the crowd, but really, it just muddies his character. Still, it totally lit up the crowd. And besides, he's nowhere near the level of the French Angel when it comes to being Fugly. The whole Austin/Kane thing came off a little like the old Jake Roberts/Ultimate Warrior thing from the early 1990s, only not quite as dark or as good.

Still, enjoyable stuff all around.

News
Jeff Hardy will be competing in Ring of Honor wrestling, which some folks say is the best wrestling in the world at the moment. He's a natural fit with guys like Christopher Daniels.

The one thing I heard and finally confirmed is that Goldust missed some shows because he had jury duty. Yes, a wrestler with a bizarre gimmick got selected for jury duty. Back in the day, this never would have happened.

FlashBack!
Ladies and Gentlemen, I am using this FlashBack! to point you in the direction of a delightful publication. Yes, I know it's brutal promotion, but it is something that you will all appreciate if you follow-up on it.

Masked wrestling rules. Whether it's Lucha out of Tiajuana, Michinoku Pro out of Hokkaido, or watching some kids in Southern California do a Running Sky-Twister Press onto another guy on the outside through a table, masked wrestling is very cool. There is an official magazine of masked wrestling. It's called From Parts Unknown, and it might be the best thing ever printed that wasn't a check.

From Parts Unknown began publication in 1996 with an issue that introduced the first history of masked wrestling to the world. I can remember hearing about it while a senior at Emerson and being told that every issue in Boston had been sold out for more than a month.

Shameless, but Garcia really wants to date an enmascarada. This is his best shot.

The staff of writers were all masked themselves. Mr. Unknown, a big guy with a mask that harkens back to Pierroth, served as editor. For the last year he's also served as a commentator for Lucha-Va-Voom. Other staffers included The Purple Titan, Dr. Acid, and Evil Dick jr., each of whom wore a mask and had a fine backstory already in place.

Probably the finest part of the further issues was the addition of La Reina Arana, an incredibly beautiful enmascarada who had a thing for Mexican Minis. She did a bunch of great articles, almost all of which had a sexual component. My personal fave was issue 3 where she had a fine Lucha pictorial with Dita Von Teese, who was dressed up as a Mummy. She did a tour of Mexico that featured real mummies, a giant sandwich, and getting her Lucha license.

From Parts Unknown introduced a number of things to US fans, including Italian comic Quebrada, the Parkside Wrestler movies, and some excellent masked wrestler fiction. And just when I thought that we were gonna see a big explosion of masked wrestlers in popular fiction brought about by this fine publication, it all ended. There hasn't been an issue in more than 3 years, though they are coming out with Hoodwink, a title described as "a smutty little retro-styled digest concentrating on the more alluring aspects of the Mexican wrestling mask cult phenom." I am totally in for it when they release it.

Check out Unknown Publications at http://www.mindspring.com/~krainville/index.html. Buy some back issues, give 'em some cash so we can get another issue of From Parts Unknown out of them. Do it!

Anyhoo, that's another Falls Count Anywhere! Friday, there'll be more, and if I can afford to get the photos developed, an article on my trip to Mean Gene's Burgers.

Chris Garcia