Falls Count Anywhere

06-10-03

After watching Ivory and Trish, I got a huge flapjack.

Welcome to Falls Count Anywhere! My name is Chris and I haven't talked about Dr. Tom Pritchard much recently. Dr. Tom Rules!!!

RAW
The opening segment was all about teasing the return of Mick Foley. HHH was good, showing more fire than usual. Austin looked better after his accident last week.

Goldberg vs. Rosie is not a good way to open a show. I mean, Goldberg was the right guy on his side, but he should have been fed a better name. Still, kinda impressive to see him nearly jackhammer Rosie.

The La Resistance guy vs. RVD was good enough for me not to care about how lame the Frogs are. Rvd uses that leg scissors roll-up to great effect. It would be nice to see the return of these types of endings. Backslides, small packages, and legscissors getting pops as possible finishes. They could do it!

Great Blassie segment interviewing folks. Hearing Hogan, Austin, Steph, and Vince talk about Freddie (who appears in Body Slam) was a nice tribute. I also liked the fact that Vince made the point that Freddie was the last vestige of an era. I seem to remember me making that point.

Ivory is getting a push! Yeah! Huge FlapJack by Ivory and Trish.

Trish is great when she gets to work with Victoria. Victoria has perfected the crazy chick thing so much, I believe she may have studied under a couple of my exes. This was a match that came together well, especially since the crowd was into it. It will be hard for me to choose a Woman's MVP this year. Hey, a small package gets a pin. Maybe I called the next big trend in wrestling finishes?

Jericho and Christian are good together. Christian is a talent, and it's a shame he's gonna job this Sunday.

Hey, great little segment on the WWE in England. I hear that the show wasn't that good, but they made it look exciting.

The Steiner vs. Lance Storm match was just an excuse for Test to beat on Steiner. The break-up between Stacey and Test was heart breaking. I could think of several people who would like to make Stacey their whore.

Mick Foley is back, and he hasn't forgotten how to promo. I hope he sticks around, and since his stint as the announcer for TNN has ended, I am betting he'll be around. HHH steps up his talking again, which is nice to see. Maybe it was Mick bringing out the best in HHH, as the two of them had some classics.

Flair came out to ensure that Randy Orton got a bit of heat when he entered. Flair's music actually played as Randy stepped out on the ramp. That sort of thing can really hurt a guy in the short run. Shawn Michaels came out with The Hurricane, and the match itself was short, but did the job. Randy Orton didn't look bad at all, and Hurricane made his offense look great. I loved the Shining Wizard that Hurricane delivered. Just a great move that isn't over because of lack of push by announcers.

Spinerooni contest. Do I actually have to waste words on how bad this was?

Once again, Teddy Long is the only thing Rodney Mack has going for him. I can't actually say that, as he has some in-ring talent, but he isn't on the level of Prime Time wrestlers. Actually, the match wasn't good, but you can tell that Mack is getting better at working a crowd. I think that the match they crowbarred in for Badd Blood is not a good idea.

I'll do a Preview of Badd Blood this week. Let me give you a preview of that preview: It's not going to be pretty.

FOLEY! FOLEY! FOLEY!

Using the Hell in the Cell structure as a device for the Foley decision is a nice bit of symbolism, and he always delivers in every role. The fact that he said he was returning to regular life on the 16th does not bode well for his being around all the time.

The return of Foley featured a little bit of Cactus Jack! Bang-Bang! Good Stuff, though Foley took a bad bump on the stairs. I am betting that Vince had to convince Mick to take the beating. Exceptionally bloody Flair in a cage. Foley taking a beating in the cell. It all just feels right.

Nash getting involved proved one thing: Nash is useless. Fire Nash. NOW! He will drag the company down if given the chance.

I thought it was an entertaining show, even without Foley. Some decent matches and a good lead into Badd Blood. I'm still not sold on the PPV, but the build was done right, just with the wrong people *cough*Nash*cough*

FlashBack!
Back to movies. Even though guys like Nat Pendleton, Hardboiled Haggarty, and Woody Strode did more movies, they all felt more like actors than wrestlers. When people think of wrestlers who make movies (who aren't The Rock), they think of the Holy Triumvirate of 1980s Superstars: Hulk Hogan, Andre the Giant, and Roddy Piper.

Andre the Giant
Andre's legend has grown since his death in 1993. From Andre the Giant has a Posse stickers, to the OBEY movement, Andre may be the best known dead wrestler of all time. You would think that he had more exposure than the others, but he only did about a half-dozen films, and about the same number of TV shows.

His first big role was starring as Bigfoot. Yes, he was Sassafrassquatch, on the Six-Million Dollar Man, in a two part episode that was eventually released on video as The Secret of Bigfoot. He appeared in Blake Edward's Mickey & Maude, along with Chief Jay Strongbow, Big John Studd, and Judo Gene LeBelle, not to mention Golden Globe winner Dudley Moore. He was a guest on Johnny Carson, though never with Johnny himself, but with Joey Bishop in one of his guest hosting stints.

"Inconthievable!"

What most folks remember Andre for is his second film with Wallace Shawn: The Princess Bride. As Fezzig, Andre delivers the greatest performance by a wrestler in a film. Andre exuded actual charm and well-timed comedy in his role as the One Man Brute Squad.

He received very good reviews and was actually offered many more roles following, but his health deteriorated and his mobility was almost nothing. I can remember reading about Andre being offered a role in series in the early 90s where he would have played a Giant who visited a fairy tale family every now and again. I am not certain whether it eventually became The Charmings or Unhappily Ever After or a third abomination against man and God.

Hulk Hogan
Hogan has been the highest profile, usually not taking a role unless he is the star. He is the only one to have a regular television series that lasted a full season (and more), and is a close friend of a lot of Hollywood folks, from Chuck Zito and his Worlds of Stunts, to Chris Lemmon, to Mr. T, Hulk has a bunch of friends in the biz. And with the average quality of his performances, it is these friends who must be keeping his movie career slightly alive.

Hogan made his first big film appearance in Rocky III in the role of Thunderlips. It made him a star, and was the role that Hulk's first action figure was based on. He didn't get high marks, but it was a big push just as he was going from the penny-ante AWA to the big time WWF. Hogan appeared with Mr. T on The A-Team, and a few other TV shows. The first starring role that Hulk managed was in No Holds Barred.

How could a movie with Kurt Fuller be bad? I dunno, but somehow, it managed to suck. No Holds Barred was also produced by the WWF, and proved to be a box office flop. Hulk bounced back with Suburban Commando, which was even worse. After these two massive bombs, a film that ended up becoming a pilot was made. It starred Hogan and Chris Lemmon, and of course the title was Thunder in Paradise.

This just happened to coincide with Hogan signing with WCW, which put Thunder in Paradise on TNT. It was awful, but I believe it lasted one full season and another made for TV movie. I was, and still am, shocked that it didn't end Hogan's career, as it seemed to do the trick for Lemmon's livelihood.

Hogan appeared in a few more movies, like playing the villain in a 3 Ninjas movie, and doing Mr. Nanny, which proved that Hogan didn't have the comedy chops that the huge Frenchman did. Hogan hasn't done a movie in a while, but has made a few TV appearances on late night.

Rowdy Roddy Piper
Piper is the guy who can claim to have had the best career, in my opinion. He has worked in several movies that sucked, a few that were fairly good, and one that should have launched him into a Rock-like pantheon of action stars. It never happened, but his filmography is solid anyhow.

Piper made a few films as a stunt man. I believe he made a couple of films in stunt roles before making Hell Comes to Frogtown, where he starred as Sam Hell. It got him noticed and he then started work on the 1980s version of The Wrestler, a little movie called Body Slam, starring Dirk Benedict, featuring Billy Barty, John Astin, Charles Nelson Reilly, and wrestlers like Rick Flair, Freddie Blassie, and the Wild Samoans. Even better (?), it was directed by the man who brought us the Cannonball Run movies, not to mention Smokey and The Bandit. Piper would then do his big film: They Live!

Based on a Ray Nelson story, directed by John Carpenter, They Live! was a rather successful Sci-Fi film, but it was the famous fight scene between Piper and Keith David that has been best remembered. Featured in the Ultimate Fights DVD, it is legend that the fight itself was not choreographed, that Piper and David just went out and fought. A classic several minutes long fight that just looks brutal.

After that, he was one of the kings of the straight to video crowd. He made a bunch of TV shots, like episodes of Silk Stalkings, Walker: Texas Ranger, Highlander, and Robocop: The Series. He kept working until about 2000, when he slowed down and started to get back into wrestling. He has made a couple of movies recently, and I am betting will keep in the vein of the straight to video market for a while.

That is another edition of Falls Count Anywhere. Friday, there'll be more, including a look at Mick Foley and why he is the second highest ranking of my living heroes.

Chris Garcia