Falls Count Anywhere

05-13-03

The Man Who Watched The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance.

Welcome to Falls Count Anywhere. My name is Chris, and I'm hosting Trailer Park.

RAW
This was a way better show than last week, but that's not a difficult thing. I'd still like to see more wrestling, but I doubt I'll be getting it anytime soon. The matches they did give us tended to be simple and fast, but the non-wrestling stuff this week was acceptable to me.

The Good
OK, I really liked the added Stone Cold image following Bischoff after the WWE logo.

Christian is really good on the mic, and Stone Cold actually entertained me in his new role. I liked the way they opened the show for once. It's obvious that the emphasis won't be on wrestling for a while, which annoys me. It went a little long, but it was the best non-wrestling segment in weeks. It did build the battle royal as something important, which will likely help out the PPV.

Best line: "As far as I'm concerned, you can both stop stealing my material."

Well, I never thought this would happen, but the Legion of Doom actually didn't suck. The match was nothing great, but it had more going for it than I expected of the Road Warriors. What the hell? The LOD taking bumps? In this reality? Short, and RVD didn't look crisp at the opening, but it was good enough to make the cut.

Victoria is hot, and still a believable psycho. Richards is great as a lackey. I also liked the promo for Slammin' Saturday Night. She looked all pretty and stuff. Their match was fairly good too. Not on the level of their match a few months ago, but Victoria looked legit brutal. Sweet backbridge as the dodge of the trash can lid shot. Slowed a bit, missed a few spots, but still, I think this was my favorite tonight. I really enjoy this feud.

No punchline can do it justice.

Blassie!!! Ah, yeah!!! Just seeing him on the screen was the best thing in wrestling for months, even if he looked old as sin. He got a fair reaction for a guy who most of the fans never saw even as a manager. Go out and get the damn book tomorrow! (Better yet, just click the link.)

The Three Minute Warning . Why did I know this was the direction they were going in? At least Stone Cold made the save. Still, just give Freddy a mic, and he'd cut them big Samoan boys down with a tongue of sharpened silver. Good way to plug the Blassie book. BUY IT!

The review of the Judgment Day card was a good idea, especially with the cut-over to Taz and Cole. I'll do a preview later this week.

The Average
Not a fan of the HHH backstage talk segments, but the one with Jericho was OK.

The Dudleys vs. 2 Minute Warning brawl wasn't much, but it wasn't a waste of time either, since it really heated the crowd. Blassie making the call out for the table was a nice touch.

Not a great WWE-style cage match. Note: the first Escape the Cage matches were done with Freddy Blassie against the late Sheik in Las Angeles. Goldberg looked better than he has so far, especially with the huge single arm suplex. Christian was good, as usual, but the pace of the match left me wanting. Crowd was into it. They could have done a lot more. Still, Christian looked real good.

The backstage brawl is not Hurricane's strong point, but it wasn't a bad little series of spots leading to the match. Flair Ass? NOOOOooooooooo. Flair has lost a lot, and is best used in tags or just selling, but he helped told a nice little story.

It was a let down for me, as Hurricane is one of my personal faves, but this was just average as they come. Flair flipping out like Ninja was sweet, and by sweet, I mean totally cool.

Nash is a lumbering oaf. Jericho is good, but even he can't save it. I like that Jericho is being taken seriously, but I really wish they would give him a good opponent for once. Post match wasn't bad, but it was obvious. Couldn't Flair have gotten his pants fixed? I did like the WWE understanding that fans understand and let the crowd make the count to symbolically end the match. I must also say that Nash's Powerbomb isn't bad.

The Bad
I still don't like the White Boy challenges, but the pre-match was pretty OK. Sadly, the best part of the actual event had to be the commentary from Theodore R. Long. Again.

Why, WHY is the WWE doing a dangerous limo bit with Goldberg? Have they learned nothing from WCW? Wait, I know that answer…

Well, everything about the La Resistance and Chris Nowinski vs. Steiner, Test, and Goldust match annoyed me to no end. What a stupid opening. Best line on commentary: Lawler "Can you tell me why everybody hates the French?"

Goldust with the Atomic Nose grab into the Slap. I never thought I'd see that used in a wrestling match. Somewhere, Moe Howard is smiling.

All in all, the first half was better than the last half, and the out of ring was not annoying. Hopefully they'll see that there is room for WRESTLING soon.

News
Hey, Booker T was put in the hospital for flu-like symptoms and dehydration. It happens a lot in the business; guys just get too busy to really take care of themselves. Probably nothing serious, but you never know.

Speaking of that, William "Stephen" Regal is supposed to be coming back, but likely in a non-wrestling capacity at first, a good thing considering that he was quite entertaining in his previous role as such. His stuff with Tajirii was hilarious.

Just a note that Mike Krukow pointed out during a recent San Francisco Giants game in Atlanta. Killer Kowalski, an old-timer who once ripped off a man's ear (by accident) was at a Giants' game a couple of years back, and had a nice long talk with the boys, as it turns out that Kowalski has always been a huge Giants fan. I just like the fact that a legend I've always loved is a big fan of my team.

FlashBack!
Wrestlers have been doing movies for decades. The Rock didn't start the trend. Neither did Hogan. Dating back to the days of silents there have been many wrestlers who have taken it to the screen. Since I am in a bit of a rush, I present a few of the early matisticians who came to the silver screen.

Note: I'm not covering Lucha stars like El Santo or Mil Mascaras, Roddy Piper, Hogan, or Rock because I'll be doing full articles on them later.

Luigi Montagna, aka the original Bull Montana - One of the first to make the leap. An Italian who spent more than 30 years in the ring, he started making movies in 1917, and spent several years concentrating on films. His biggest roles were in Big City, The Lost World, and Son of the Sheik. He was friends with everyone from Fairbanks to Todd Browning. My favorite of his films: 1920's Treasure Island.

Lenny "Bull" Montana - A fairly big star who followed on his namesake's path. He was Luca Brazzi in The Godfather, and also appeared in The Jerk, …All The Marbles, and Evilspeak. I've heard he was how Flair got to know James Caan, but can't prove it.

Abe "King Kong" Kashey - Another cut in the mold of the Terrible Turk. The hairy freak later took his style to the world of stuntmen, and occasionally acting as well. His best known work was Tarzan and the Leopard Woman.

Chavo Guerrero - Not the current Chavito, but the father who was a star from the 1970s to the present. He did several movies in the late 1970s, including The One and Only and Paradise Alley, which also featured Terry Funk. In the 1990s, he was featured in Alligator II: The Mutation, and in Chris McQuarry's Way of the Gun.

Definitely no DQ.

Woody Strode - A wrestler in the 1930s who became a very popular attraction in the 1940s. He is easily the best known pre-Hogan-era wrestling actor. He did more than 50 films, including Spartacus, Once Upon a Time in the West, The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance, and The Cotton Club. On a strange sidenote, his last films were Posse, and The Quick and the Dead, both of which starred Oscar winners.

Nat Pendleton - An Olympic silver medallist, who did a few years on the old circuits in the Strangler Lewis days, Nat is best remembered as Det. Guild in The Thin Man series of films.

Hard Boiled Haggerty - A really big star around the world in the 1960s, Haggerty became a regular actor, featured in movies ranging from Foxy Brown, to Paint Your Wagon, to Dirty Harry. He actually helped get the 1973 movie The Wrestler made, which featured Verne Gagne and a bunch of others. It's also a movie so bad, it will get its own moment in the sun.

There are a ton more, so I can do a few more of these when time runs short for FlashBack!s. Looking at the list of movies, there are some classics, and some great performances. I believe that wrestlers have a better record in movies than football players, save for LT in Any Given Sunday.

That's another Falls Count Anywhere. Friday: More.

Chris Garcia