Falls Count Anywhere

05-02-03

Did I mention my local Emmy nod?

Welcome to Falls Count Anywhere. My name is Chris, and I am playing a sum zero game.

SmackDown!
I liked a good part of SmackDown! It improved on recent issues I've had with the product, which may point to the WWE realizing it needs to start a turnaround.

First thing I should say is that I first watched this in a bar, so I was a little distracted…and at least two and a half sheets to the wind for a good portion. That said, the tape told the tale this morning.

But Los Guererros taking on Shannon Moore and Matt Hardy was a very good match, though they have a diamond in Matt and they aren't pushing him hard enough. The Kendrick/Cena segment was hilarious. I'm probably the only one who loved it, but when he said "Hebner, gimme a beat" and Earl made like Beat Rahzell, I was most pleased.

Now, it was weird seeing a squash match, complete with bona fide jobbers, on network television. First the White Boy Challenges, then the talented Team Angle taking on ham and eggers. It's beginning to look a lot like 1988.

Hulk wearing Captain America's skin...does Marvel know?

Speaking of 1988, Mr. America is here. Now, Piper's Pit is fun, I admit, but the Mr. America gimmick has been done and done right by Mr. Dustus Horatio Rhodes in Florida and again in the Carolinas.

Back then, he was the Midnight Rider and came out to the Allman Brother's song of the same name.

Hogan laid the boys out with really lame offense. I did like them dusting off "Real American" as the entrance music. McMahon's facials were worth the entire segment.

If the Woman's match looked familiar, it's because they did it a few weeks back on Raw, with Jazz in the role of Sable. Jazz in anything of Sable's actually scares the bajeebus out of me.

Benoit/Rhyno and Stromboli/Polumbo had a fun little match, where Nunzio kept interfering. When Rhyno gored Nunzio, it really showed that Goldberg has nothing on the guy. Seriously, I've never seen Goldberg spear anyone and make it look as good as Rhyno does.

Stephanie McMahon is never going to get a Local Emmy nod (like I did) for her acting, but her segments this week were actually well-written, and her performance was actually tolerable.

By the way, George the Lesser told the US that we actually won a war, making the U.S. 7-2 with a couple of ties. This will actually hurt the rating of SmackDown!, but probably not too much.

I know that the writing team of SmackDown! loves Funaki as much as I do, so why did they send him in as Big Show fodder? WHY?!?!?!

Good to see Angle's face back on TV. He'll be back soon, and I actually thought the segment, while goofy, was fun.

The big letdown segment was Brock challenging Big Show. It won't draw! It can't draw, because even though everything in the world has been done to heat up Big Show, no one takes him seriously.

The Rey angle was well done, at a high price, but it didn't change the crowd's reaction to him. I know, I know, there is no one else, but why not build someone new and give Brock a tag feud? I know I complained about the six-man at Backlash, but letting someone come up, like say Rhyno, by giving Brock a month to settle a sidelight issue could help.

All in all, entertaining, with a couple of small errors.

News
The big news that should have hit just about everywhere is the death of Miss Elizabeth. There are a lot of rumors going around, but here are a few facts.

The police were called out to the Atlanta home of Larry Pfohl, aka Lex Luger, to respond to a sick woman. They had been there on Easter for a domestic disturbance; Elizabeth had a black eye, but this incident seems to be unrelated, as foul play has been ruled out. The cause is thought to an overdose, but we'll not know for sure for at least a week, and more likely, 30 days.

Luger was arrested for possession of controlled substances, including steroids, though not in connection with Elizabeth's death. There is a lot of heat on Luger, as Liz was a pretty popular figure with a lot of folks, and blame has been placed on his shoulders.

FlashBack!
With the death of Miss Elizabeth, I thought it would be best to go over one of my favorite Elizabeth moments. It was SummerSlam 1988, the first SummerSlam, and the main event was Hogan and Savage, the MegaPowers, taking on The Million Dollar Man Ted DiBiase and Andre the Giant as the MegaBucks. The main event featured a guest referee as well: future Gov. Jesse "The Body" Ventura. The storyline said that The Body had been paid off.

...and somewhere in Santa Clara that night, a young boy became a man.

As expected, the match was OK when Dibiase and Savage were in, but awful otherwise. As the match went along, it became obvious that Ventura was favoring the MegaBucks with fast counts and ignoring rule breaking, but that's when a brilliant finish came in.

Elizabeth, who had almost always worn long gowns to shows, wore a striking longish yellow and red dress. As it became obvious that the Superpowers weren't going to get a fair shake, Elizabeth came onto the apron, and…(wait for it)…removed the bottom half of her dress, revealing a delicious set of gams.

Everybody was distracted, the crowd popped big, and I don't think I have seen so many flashes go off at once. Hogan and Savage seized the opportunity and Hogan took the chance to make the pin, though Savage had to push Ventura's arm down to make the third count.

Why was this one of my favorite memories, other than the fact that it supplied lots of inspiration when an adolescent guy needed it?

Well, it was years ahead of the curve. No one had used sex appeal to that level in a top of the card match yet, and by the mid-90s, it would be most frequent. Elizabeth was the only really memorable thing, and though she was already a big star, she cemented her place in the eyes of every fan that night. She had taken the front of the stage that night, and she made it possible for them to do the Savage turn that made the Hogan-Savage feud huge in 1989.

It was a great moment, and a rare bit of brilliant booking from the 1980s WWF.

That's all for this week. Come back Tuesday for more Falls Count Anywhere action.

Chris Garcia