Falls Count Anywhere

04-04-03

I could have a coming out party, too. It just wouldn't be as hot.

Welcome to Falls Count Anywhere. My name is Chris, and if you haven't heard of Glynn Styler, you must look him up.

SmackDown!
I like tournaments, but this wasn't the type of thing that would make for great TV.

Don't get me wrong, it was booked right, but this round had too little time to build to better matches. Next week may be slightly better, if only because the matches may get more time, but they also free up a couple of workers for other, non-tourney matches. The other stuff varied widely.

The Misterio vs. Undertaker match was better than it could have been, since Rey can make any match watchable, and has had a string of decent matches against big, lumbering oafs. I loved the Chokeslam reversal spot.

Brain Kendrick vs. Jamie Noble w/ The Lovely Nidia- Matt Hardy is out with Shannon Moore, and Matt is good on the stick. I am glad the plan changed from giving the belt clean to Rey. DOUBLEJUMP PLANCHA!!! Kendrick! Kendrick! Kendrick! I can't wait until he has a real run with Matt. Kendrick's fall through the ropes was awesome, too. Good match, in my eyes, even if it was too quick. Matt's challenge to Brock was cool, and it got reaction.

The review of the Angle/Brock match was important: it makes the title look important and adds to the mystique that the belts have lost over the years.

The guy doing the jig outside your window is Jordan, celebrating the fact that Piper's Pit comes back next week. Merry Christmas, Jordo.

A-Train vs. Benoit was watchable. Benoit can drag a good match out of A-Train, which should be counted as a miracle towards canonization. A-Train did do a cool Camel Clutch variation, though. At least Benoit won.

Vince and Steph have no chemistry, which I guess is a good thing.

I like John Cena. I still think Eddy Guerrero is a world class wrestler. This was only fair, though. Cena was a step off and Eddy has been on a downside, but Cena's Death Valley Driver looks great. I did like his interview a little later in the show. He's got a great delivery.

Things That Make Us Happy #132.

Torrie came out (and I should mention that her Playboy pictorial was FRICKING AWESOME) and they did the Playboy "Coming Out Party," which brought our good friend Sable. She was awful, terrible, and looked about 1/3 as hot as she did the day she left. It was a bad segment, and the little kiss at the end was only more proof that HLA, while enjoyable, is not worth taking the TV time away from good matches.

Team Angle vs. Tajiri and Funaki was fun. I've watched a lot of Funaki's matches from Japan, and the classic bowing and mocking of the opponent came straight out of a Northeastern Wrestling Booking Sheet. I am liking Shelton more and more, and Charlie Haas is learning to work the style of the heel. The Haas of Pain is an awesome submission move. Good stuff.

The Undertaker/FBI stuff was lame, though Nunzio does his bit so well. Of course, he's had 5 years to perfect it. Nathan Jones is still terrible.

Rhyno vs. The Big Show. Not terrible, since Rhyno knows how to make these things into something watchable. The spear that he gave to Big Show looked good. I am excited to see his match with Benoit next week.

McMahon is out, and I think the crowd is severely sweetened, as it feels very artificial. He plays the crowd well, but I am just not into the Hogan McMahon feud right now. The match at Mania was solid stuff, but I'd wish they would have ended it totally there. Though if Vince follows through and pays Hogan to stay at home, I am happy.However, the end scene was tense.

All in all, I gotta say that I was entertained at times, but it fell short of my hopes.

News
Brock is still out, though he should be back next week.

It looks to be official that Kurt is having the Pittsburgh operation and not the big time surgery that had been recommended.

This could turn into a big deal, as if Kurt, who has had as bad a neck as anyone in the business, and if the lighter surgery he has chosen works, then there could be a large away from Dr. Lloyd Youngblood and his treatment. It worked for Scott Hall, but most thought that his injuries were far less than those suffered by people like Angle, Edge, and Austin.

RANT

...and yet...

Sable is back. So is Piper.

This is proof of what I've been thinking for a while: the WWE is desperate to get back some of the magic that the WWF had in years gone by, and so they brought back stars from the two big eras. Piper was the number 2 or 3 guy from the early WrestleMania days, and Piper's Pit was a huge part of the TV at that time. Sable was HUGE during the 1998-2000 magic days. And they both come back when the WWE is losing ratings at an alarming rate.

Newsflash: It's not gonna work.

They were stars. They'll always get a certain pop, but the fact is they won't draw ratings.

They won't put asses in seats.

Fans who come to the matches want to see today's stars, not to relive the days they first got into the graps. Hogan draws still, but only when programmed against Rock or any of the other current stars. Austin still draws, but it's not with the folks who see him as a relic of the WWF Silver Age, but with fans who like the style of wrestling that he represents.

It's not like 1995, when an old timer who hadn't popped a crowd in years could jump from Titan to WCW and become a huge money star again. It's a different time, and fans have changed, something that will become apparent when they try to push a Hogan/Piper match on PPV and fail miserably.

That's all for Falls Count Anywhere. Next Week will feature more good stuff, and I'll be writing the first part of my introduction to wrestling in Japan.

Chris Garcia