Falls Count Anywhere

02-07-03

"Was that fake?"

Welcome to Falls Count Anywhere. My name is Chris, and damn it feels good to be a gangsta.

SmackDown!
I'm not sure yet, but this is either the best SmackDown! since the height of the three-way tag feud, or very close to that level. I've seen other reviews that said it was slow to start, but I got into it big time, and fast enough to make me forget my stomach pains.

The matches all worked, with the exception of A-Train vs Shannon Moore, and Nunzio vs. Rikishi, though that wasn't really bad, just quick. Rey Misterio is a god, and Jamie Noble is one of those wrestlers that just works hard and busts out cool moves. The Slingshot Powerbomb that he used on Misterio was awesome. A good match that moved really fast. Matt Hardy vs. Billy Kidman was a nice little stretcher, too.

The two best matches were easily Team Angle vs. Los Guerreros, and Angle vs. Benoit. The Tag match moved very fluidly, Shelton proving that he is amazing on the ground, and giving Eddy and Chavo a chance to show their mat skills. The match went long, told an excellent story, and showed that Shelton is the next next big thing. While taking the tag titles off of Chavo and Eddy (Guerrero is my favorite wrestler), it will likely lead to a few more matches between these two to help launch Team Angle further. It worked for Cena.

Angle vs. Benoit, while it has been done a hundred times, was awesome, since every time they do a match, something different happens. This one featured less mat work, likely due to the Tag title switch, and more impact moves. Benoit getting busted added to the scene as well. Favorite move of the match: the HUGE powerbomb into the turnbuckle.

The talking throughout the night also did it for me. The Rock talked, via tape delay, slowly turning full heel. This one was even better than the last taped interview, and I am hoping to see more of the slightly evil Rock.

Brother Love, who is one of my all-time faves, did a great job with the Undertaker, making a crowd that probably didn't know him hate him with fiery passion in less than a minute. The Hogan bits were good, though I wish they would cut a minute or so from his entrances, giving time for Edge to have a match.

That's some nasty rash there. He should get that looked at.

Even Brock running into Hogan and saying Welcome back was a nice touch. The Naked Running Man, Brian Kendrick, was OK as a one time thing, especially if they keep using him as the goof.

All that, and the Power Plant Softball episode of The Simpsons right after made for a fine night of UPN goodness, at least in the Bay Area.

Raw Article
Raw magazine is a nice little publication. Between the 'Who would win between…' articles, and the revealing Diva photos, there is a lot to be entertained by. But I read this issue for one reason: the interview with Stone Cold Steve Austin.

From the first reading, it's an amazing piece of work. If it wasn't Austin himself writing, it was someone who knew the voice so well that they could perfectly imitate it. It is certainly honest, but a calculated form of honesty, where many names are kept back and the larger issues are only hinted at, though they are obviously there.

Austin takes stabs at various officials, writers, and even a few wrestlers, while setting things straight on the matters that had opinion turning on him over the summer. And though everything he says seems honest, there is more than one point where you can question his motives.

The biggest point he hammers home is that having writers scripting interviews is not the way to run the company. This is likely true, as he wrote all his own material back in the day, and false, in that the long, rambling skits that Austin, HHH, and the Rock would participate in were in desperate need of a writer's attention. He says that there is a tide against "the boys" and that hurt the product, and took him out of his game. All of this has been said a dozen different times, but this is the clearest it has ever been made.

As far as personalities go, Austin has no trouble with Scott Hall or Brock Lesnar, the two who are often cited as reasons for Austin taking time off. He is very critical of the Rock, saying the interview he gave when Rocky returned at the Oakland Raw was over the line and violated their relationship.

He is most down on Triple H, noting that he didn't have the booker's ear because HHH was in it. He also notes that HHH considers himself, both on- and off-screen, to be the best player in the game, but then when he is given the ball to carry, falls back on the "business is on a down cycle" excuse. He talks about Hogan being a backstage politician, and about Debra, giving some insight into the divorce.

The one area where I don't really agree with Stone Cold is when he says that he didn't want to work with Brock Lesnar early in Brock's run, because he should be saved for last. He brings up the amount of money he had drawn, and at times sounds like a Prima Dona insisting on keeping the spotlight.

It is pretty obvious that at least some of this is storyline; some timelines are skewed specifically to heighten feuds when he returns. He makes it sound as if he is not certain about returning, when he is already on schedules for next month. There are moments where he says that he is not sure if he can still go, which is out of the Stone Cold character, and likely added so that the first feud he has can bring it up.

All in all, read it. It takes a darker look at the locker room and will give you better insight to the mind of Stone Cold.

FlashBack
With Hogan coming back, I though I would write a little thing about him to get everyone interested. The first thing I have to say is that Hogan, for the most part, has never been a good wrestler, but sometimes, when put in with a great opponent, he can have a hell of a match.

The first part of his first title reign proves that. And the match that I am thinking of is one of the most violent brawls of its era: The Hulkster and Dr. D David Schultz.

Dr. D. was a wrestler of the early 80s who traveled the US, and I believe made some trips to Japan. A tough guy and a supposed former bounty hunter (who would later go on to become a bounty hunter), Schultz had a strong following for being an uncompromising wrestler who could brawl with the best of them.

He got over huge in Minnesota, wrestling for Verne Gagne's AWA, and later with Don Owen's Portland Wrestling. He got bought up by the WWF as one of their earliest raided talents, I believe at the same time as they bought Hogan. Schultz was one of Hogan's first foils.

It's June 17th, 1984, and Hogan has been champ for less than 6 months. The two are set to meet in a match in Minneapolis, MN. They had wrestled a bunch of times in the AWA, so these fans are familiar with what these two are capable of, but this was the first time they had been back since Hogan started his Hulkamania gimmick.

Now he's older and no wiser.

Hogan comes out to a huge pop, but Dr. D blindsides him, and then chokes him with the Hulkster's headband! This sort of violence had yet to be a part of Hogan's reign, so the crowd is into it. Schultz takes Hogan, rams his head into the turnbuckle and throws a knee to the back of his head.

Voila, blood! This is huge, as the two brawl until Hogan hits the legdrop, but then doesn't pin him! Hogan takes Schultz outside and bloodies him up good. After a few more minutes of brawling, Hogan hits a clothesline, which happened to be his finisher in Japan, for the pin.

Afterwards, the good Doctor hits Hogan, puts on his belt, but is then beat down. A blood bath, a fun match to watch from beginning to end, and you almost forget that it's Hogan you're watching.

The reason this match comes to mind is that Hogan was motivated, something that doesn't happen nowadays. His match with the Rock was good because the Rock carried him, and he respected the Rock as a performer. Hogan vs. Savage tended to be good because Hogan respected, and some think feared, Savage as a person and a performer. This may have been the result of the boys going back to perform in front of the home crowd, and putting on a good show for them.

I consider this to be Hogan's best match of the early years, as he would have a couple of good rolls once Savage and Flair entered the picture. It's on the Hulkamania video they released in 1985, which can usually be found in old video stores for rent. I bought mine for 2 bucks a few years ago from a Blockbuster used bin.

Dr. D stuck around for a while more, having matches with Jimmy Snuka and the like, and then had a minor dust-up. 20/20 reporter John Stossel came around and Vince had him ask the hair-triggered Schultz if wrestling was fake. Schultz slapped him twice, saying "Was that fake?" and the WWF got sued.

Even after that, Schultz kept working for Vince, even threatening to start attacking Hogan for real and take his belt, an event only stopped by a large cash payoff from McMahon. He didn't get fired until he called out Mr. T for a fight. The piece on 20/20 aired about the same time and that gave Vince an excellent excuse to fire him.

I think ya'll know what Hogan went on to do.

That's another Falls Count Anywhere. Next Tuesday, RAW, News, Reviews, and a FlashBack to 1993, and why wrestling fans can really suck.

Chris Garcia