Falls Count Anywhere

02-04-03

Ask me about GLOW.

Welcome to Falls Count Anywhere. My name is Chris, and this time, it's personal.

RAW
Like Olivia Newton-John, Raw went both ways. Good, bad and indifferent. I was expecting a complete failure after last week, but this was just a step or two down.

The strange Spanish segment, which I hear got a couple folks in deep water, apparently was pretty bad, if the rest of the Bischoff segments were any indicator.

HHH talking about being the reincarnation of Flair wasn't great either, and they seem to be leaning towards calling them the Evolution, which is a cool name. But let's face it: they're the Horsemen. Goldust getting thrown into the dangerous fake light panel was so lame, Ed Wood was burying his head in his hands.

They seem to think that by doing these edgy bits, they can add a touch of realism to the rest of the product, which is false.

The middle ground featured the Tag Match with BookDust against the Anti-Americans, a match that featured a lot of Goldy and Storm and not enough Booker and Regal. Not a bad match though, and I liked the amicable split afterwards. Good to see them vary it up once in a while. The D-lo vs Maven match would have been hot TV back in 1987, but as it stood, the crowd couldn't have cared less. I still think Ted Theodore Long is a great talker, and given time, will claim a strong managerial post. Victoria (This week's hotness factor: 17) and Molly (wearing a Juice Newton cast off, I think) had an OK match that led to setting up the future Jazz/Victoria feud.

Good. Steiner vs Jericho wasn't a home run, but a save double into the corner. Steiner can't do much, but Jericho made him look as good as I have seen him in months. The RVD and Kane match, while not great, did have some fun moments, and Jeff Hardy came in to get bounced around. The Michaels bit was fun too, especially when he said that he put his partner's head through the window 15 years ago, when it actually happened in 1992.

All in all, not a complete waste of time, but when Vince came out and said tonight was "not good," that sent a scary message, teetering close to what killed WCW. Next week will be huge, with the clock running out on Bisch, and the probable return of Steve Austin.

News
HHH is hurt again, apparently re-injuring his thigh. This can't be good for him, as he has never been able to return to the level he performed at before the big quad tear in 2001.

I'll write up the Austin interview on Friday. It's a great piece of personal writing and it looks like Austin has his finger on the WWE's troubles.

FlashBack!
Now, last week we covered (not literally) the Divas of the 1990s WWF/WWE, but they were far from the first. The turn and burn mentality of wrestling women existed even back when wrestling was something no one would talk about. Here now are a few of the classic women in the history of 1980s wrestling.

Baby Doll
As you can see, I am avoiding GLOW to start with the woman I think started to change the way women in wrestling were looked at. Her real name was Nicola Roberts, married to wrestler Sam Houston, sister-in-law to Jake the Snake, and she was as tall as many of the men wrestlers.

The first time I remember seeing her she bore the nickname Andrea the Giantess. She wrestled, very badly, for a few years, and then became a valet for various NWA wrestlers, including Dusty Rhodes, Ric Flair, and Tully Blanchard. She traveled the NWA affiliated territories, such as World Class in Texas, UWF in Oklahoma, and Jim Crockett promotions in the Carolinas.

She would interfere, turn on her managees, and most importantly, wear lots of lycra and spandex. She really did set the tone, but by late 1985, she was starting to fade with a new addition.

Dark Journey
Quite possibly the single most attractive woman in the history of wrestling. She followed the traditional path of breaking into wrestling: she slept her way in with former Southern brawler Dirty Dick Slater.

She also was a large part of the break up of former revolutionary promoter Bill Watts' divorce. She managed to maintain a classier look than Baby Doll, or most of the other women in wrestling at that point, but some personal problems got her out of the game. I will always remember her managing the Missing Link, in the original Beauty and the Beast team.

Medusa
Medusa Micelli started out as AWA women's champion. She made a great many tours of Japan, and had a background in kickboxing. After a few years, she left the AWA for the WCW, where she acted as a valet to Paul E. Danerously's Dangerous Alliance. She managed a few teams over the years, and then made her way to the WWF, where they renamed her Alundra Blayze, and gave her the women's title. She also started the over-the-top implant trend with her new set in 1994.

She wrestled better than any of the other women around, but suddenly left the WWF, came onto Nitro and threw the woman's belt into the garbage on live TV. She stuck around for a while, in meaningless feuds, before being released in a cost saving measure. She wrestles occasionally, and is married to one of the Baltimore Ravens.

Sensational Sherri Martel
Another woman who made the transition from wrestler to Valet was Sherri Martel. She also started out as the AWA Woman's champion, then came to the WWF as Sensational Sherri and held the WWF woman's title. She kept wrestling for a couple of years, then moved over to managing Randy Savage, adding the scary make-up that would define her for the rest of her career. She jumped to the WCW and became the manager of Harlem Heat, and became the first woman to win the Wrestling Observer's Manager of the Year award.

Unfortunately, things went down hill and they started using Sherri in stupider and stupider angles, before she finally left WCW all together. She occasionally does small circuit shows around the country.

Not the first, not necessarily the greatest, but definitely the one whose picture we could find.

Elizabeth
One could write a book on Miss Elizabeth. Liz Hewitt, formerly Liz Poffo, aka Elizabeth "The Macho Woman" Savage, was a fan of wrestling dating back a fair number of years, into the early 80s at least, and likely earlier. She had a few gigs as a ring announcer, and I believe she met Randy Savage when she was an announcer for Angelo Poffo's IWA promotion. They were married for a good number of years, ending in a divorce that some blame on Hogan. As always, there are other versions, but the evidence of an affair has been talked about for years.

She came back to WCW after leaving wrestling in the early 90s. She became involved in the nWo angle, teamed up with Lex Luger and then vanished again. There was talk of her writing a tell-all book on the 1980s WWF.

Missy Hyatt
OK, I have to talk about her, but personally, I think she may be the sleaziest human on Earth. Missy started out in 1985 managing Hollywood John Tatum in Texas, and quickly became one of the best-known women in wrestling. She married Hot Stuff Eddie Gilbert, and the two had a whirlwind of success; Eddie as the wrestler and booker, Missy as the manager.

The two eventually broke up, but Missy stayed in the spotlight, and the accusations that she kept her job by providing "favors" to various WCW officials was eventually mocked in a WWF angle with Bad News Brown and Elizabeth. She ended up in ECW managing the Sandman, only to quit and go on her own into various forays that included Foxy Boxing, XPW wrestling, and finishing college.

We're so disgusted, we won't even read this book available now at Amazon.com for only $12.57.

Why do I think her sleazy? Her book, Missy Hyatt, First Lady of Wrestling , details her sexual exploits around the wrestling world, from Sting to The Wonder Years' Jason Hervey. She writes about all of them, yet whitewashes a number of wrongs, especially those of her late husband.

Missy takes shots at everyone from Dark Journey, to Medusa Michelli, Ric Flair's junk, to Val's Venis.

I understand a tell-all book has to tell all, but she crossed several lines, and covered up a great many of her own indiscretions.

Yep, she likely will win the skankiest woman ever in wrestling, and that covers a lot of ground.

I could go on for days about the great women of wrestling, and likely someday I will, but these were the ones who I give credit to for changing the business.

That's all for Falls Count Anywhere for Monday. Come by Friday when I'll review SmackDown!, the Austin Raw Magazine interview, news, views, and a FlashBack! to the days when Hogan ruled the Earth.

Chris Garcia