Falls Count Anywhere

01-24-03

Chris Garcia appeared in the lowest-selling issue in Playboy history.

Welcome to Falls Count Anywhere. My name is Chris and I've got blisters on my fingers.

RAW
RAW nearly knocked one out of the park this week, but missed a couple of steps and ended up being a really good show. The crowd, hotter than any recently, and the above-average in-ring work just did it for me all night.

Booker T vs. Jeff Hardy opened, and they replayed Hardy almost beating down RVD after their match last week. If you learn from years of watching Memphis and Mexico, that means he's going to do something even worse this week.

Jeff looked good again, though not as good as last week, and Booker was exceptional. Seriously, Booker works a style that is clean, well thought-out, and athletic, and the fans like it. They were way into this match. The ending saw the Book catch a sunset flip for the three count, and the crowd went nuts. BOOKERMANIA is running WILD!!! Afterwards, to fulfill the prophesy of the earlier package, Jeff beat on Booker until he missed a tope and get hammered by the big man. A decent match.

More Nathan Jones stuff, which has me all in a twist, as it's a great character, but everything I read says he's not the guy whose matches you wanna watch. Still, this could be interesting.

Steiner came out, called HHH, who then came out, blabbed for a minute then brought out the Horsemen. They have yet to call them the Horsemen, but they should. Flair has yet to give an interview on the subject, but when he does, it should be in the Carolinas so he cam reform them officially in front of the only fans that would really care. The Magificent Four storm the Ring and Big Poppa Pump knocks 'em down with a pipe. Really, enough with Steiner.

Still, in a week in which he even gets shut out of Static Shock!, Black Lightning is grateful for the mention.

I love Teddy Long. I'm glad to see him back, and his interview wasn't great, but it would do. This being a site where folks would know their comics can probably name a half-dozen black superheroes, but the fact that the Green Lantern himself, at one point, was a black man (and is again, Chris -- Derek) proves that comic geek/wrestling TV writer Mr. Brian Gerwitz needs to get his head out of the X-Men books and into some DC. The D-Lo bit is OK, but it won't lift him out of the pit. The match with Hurricane, the guy who has a Green Lantern gimmick, was OK, with D-Lo hitting the Fade to Black for the pin. Surreality is JR talkin' 'bout Shaft.

Stacey update follows. She's getting better at home with Test, and Jericho decides he needs to do an interview. The crowd gives him what-for, and Jericho says the crime is the lack of coverage his up-coming Number One Contendership match with Steiner is getting. He then rambles a bit on Stacey until Christian comes out to soak up the Jerichohol.

Christian points out that it wasn't Jericho's fault, and Chris puts the blame on Test for not taking the chair like a man. Good point. HBK comes out and hammers Jericho on his fashion mistake of checkerboard pants. This is another case of the pot calling the kettle a pot. The crowd is into this segment a lot, and it only builds for the HBK match that could relaunch Jericho into the top three.

The WWE does one thing right: little vignettes, and the vignette that led into the Trish vs. Victoria Chicago Street Fight ruled. A picture of Trish on a trashcan gets kendo-beaten by Victoria as Stevie Richards holds it really sold Victoria as a madwoman, Stevie as her lackey, and the hatred as real. Trish is the composed woman taping her fists, ready for war in the next shot. This is the type of thing you do to get a crowd ready for a war, and it worked so very well.

The Chicago Street Fight was the best WWE woman's match in years, the best hard core match since last October, and the single hottest Raw match in months. Great stuff, brutal, well paced, no real flubs, and all action. Trish sold very well, and Victoria plays the crazy so well, I am truly afraid of her (though, if she is reading, I'd still buy her dinner).

The crowd loved it, I loved it, and though the ending was a tad flat, they made up for it by having Jazz return and beat the living Hell out of Trish. This was just like Flair vs. Steamboat in 1989: have a great match where both folks give it their all, then have another returning star (Funk in '89) come out and beat down on one of them. Just great stuff.

The crowd was then treated to a Tag Team Titles Table Match, with the Dudleys and the Regal Storm. The crowd was nuts from the last match, and this seemed to be going well, until D-Von went to get a table and there was none. The crowd deflated a bit as Chief Morley stepped out and showed off his nice table, drawing out the Dudleys for a Three Minute Warning beat down, with the Buck Wild Samoans putting Bubbah through the table for the win.

Seriously, it was an original twist that reeked of 1996 ECW, but the crowd would have blown the roof off the place if they had done the actual finish of the Dudleys winning the belts with a big powerbomb off the ropes through the table. The WWE couldn't have known it was going to be such a great crowd, so I don't blame them.

Matt and John, the Tough Enough 3 winners, came out to do a little match. They did a lot of basic stuff, until Chris Nowinski came out and stopped them, saying everyone knew he didn't win TE1, and these guys were rubbing his nose in it. After a minute or so, Tommy Dreamer came out with a Singapore cane and ran Nowinski off, then said that the boys got a great opportunity, and delivered TWO SICKENING CANE SHOTS as a welcome gift.

This was a nice segment, as it got the guys out in front of folks, and give Dreamer something to do. I have a feeling they are going to handle John and Matt very carefully after what the girls did last year.

Bisch comes out and they hype Austin, which works with the crowd. I am of the opinion that Austin can be a big player again, but there are many dangers, as his life seemed to fall apart right after he left, and that may translate to a loss of desire in the ring. I hope not, 'cause I love Austin when he is on.

HHH/Batista vs. RVD/Kane isn't a bad match, but far from the best thing on the show. Steiner comes out, the soon-to-be-Horsemen are out, they take Kane's mask, giving the world a look at his non-burned face, and bloody up Steiner. A nice little ending to a really good show.

FlashBack!
There are rumors, as of yet unsubstantiated, that Torrie of SmackDown! will be appearing in Playboy. I am all for this, and so, since I need more time to research my history of 1980s talk segment, thought I would go over the history of WWF/E Divas since 1995.

The first Diva -- before she qualified for an E! True Hollywood Story.

The first real Diva, called as such, was Sunny. She was a gorgeous blonde from Jersey, who could do a great interview and managed a guy named Skip as the Bodydonnas, a fitness gimmick that worked for nearly a year. She got bigger and bigger reactions, eventually leaving her real-life boyfriend Skip (Chris Candido) for the Smoking Guns. She bounced a round a lot, gave some good mic, but her head grew fat and she was eventually fired, some speculate for drug problems. She got in more and more trouble over the years, and her looks quickly faded. She is no longer the woman she was, and her downfall may be the best anti-drug campaign possible.

By the time she was fired, Sable was the star woman in the WWF. Sable was married to wrestler Marc Mero, and the instant she came on the scene, she was a star. A couple of breast enhancements later, and she was the biggest thing in the WWF. She was willing to do things that Sunny hadn't, such as appear in the ring with glued-on hands over her breasts, and to generally act skanky. She was the first to appear in Playboy, and her appearance broke sales records as it occurred right as the WWF was hitting stride with casual fans. She got a big head, thinking that she could turn it into an acting career, which she did do briefly, until she found out that fame is short-lived and has hardly been seen in two years. (Though again, she is The 10th Muse from Image Comics -- does that count? -- Derek)

Chyna took over the mantle, but in a strange way. Originally, Chyna was a woman who came out of the crowd to help HHH, her boyfriend at the time. The two of them had a good run, leading into the formation of Degeneration X.

After a year or so, Vince decided to change directions with her, and she got implants, had facial surgery done to lessen her impressive jaw line, and then repackaged her as a feminine tough girl. The plan worked, as she took on men, including winning the Intercontinental Title from Jeff Jarrett, and occasionally women, and then she appeared in Playboy, again leading to the largest selling issue in history, and the WWF was even hotter.

Chyna was paired with Eddy Guerrero (my favorite wrestler) for a time, and then she was fired, or quit, to pursue more film and TV work. It's kinda worked, and she has appeared in a couple of shows and again in Playboy, but she has yet to capture the celebrity she had as a wrestler.

Lita was next in line. As Chyna was still working mostly with men, Lita was brought in to take over the top woman's position. She debuted as the valet for Esse Rios, and did frequent moonsaults and hurrancanranas, which made the audience pop big. She left Rios, went good guy and became the Hardys' Valet, and new girlfriend to Matt Hardy. The group took off, and Lita was given the woman's belt and a feud with Chyna, which Chyna won. Evetually, she feuded with the new up and comer Trish, and then got injured, and has been out of the ring for nearly a year.

Trish is the final top Diva. She has held the position for more than a year, and is showing no signs of letting up. She has turned down chances to do Playboy, apparently, as an offer was floated in late 2001. She showed up originally as a manager for Test and Albert, and the group T&A. It didn't take off, and she started to work as a wrestler, which got her over huge, and the feuds she's had with Jazz, Molly Holly and Victoria have been the best Diva feuds ever.

The Divas are a big part of the WWE package, and always will be. Torrie and Stacey Kiebler came over from WCW with impressive fan bases, but neither has been positioned for the top spot yet, though both get good TV time. Dawn Marie, who came from ECW, has worked hard to get a strong spot, and though we were subjected to the Al Wilson angle, will likely be more over than ever with the fans because of the exposure.

I'd figure that the next batch of Playboy appearances will launch more interest in the Divas, and they will get Trish or Lita in the pages soon. Certainly, they would draw huge buzz. But then again, both Sable and Chyna were in the pages and then got swelled heads because of the exposure.

Well, another Falls Count Anywhere is in the books. Come back next week for SmackDown! reviews, news, rumors, and another FlashBack, this time to Piper's Pit.

Chris Garcia