I would rather eat chocolate pudding.

Chair Shots

12-6-02

Smackdown Run Down
In recent history, Smackdown has been the one positive thing the WWE has going for it. Yet week after week it, too, begins to slide.

Rey Mysterio needs some time off to have his knee scoped. Logically a good idea would be to put him into a match with a rising heel and have the heel injure Rey to justify his time off. The WWE was on the right track, but picked the wrong heel.

Albert, no longer the Hip Hop Hippo, attacked Rey's knee with a chair following their match last night. The storyline was solid and Michael Cole and Tazz did a nice job of selling Albert's new found determination, but Albert just isn't a guy that's going to get over with the crowd.

Maybe it's, as one reader of Chairshots is always quick to point out, that his trunks are too small for such a big, and may I say hairy, man. Or maybe it's that he can't really wrestle or cut a good promo. The answer is somewhere in there.

So instead of Albert, why not book a guy like Matt Hardy to beat down Rey? It would continue his current push and result in a nice feud with good matches when Rey returns. Tajiri is another guy that could use a big feud and could do wonders in the ring with Rey. Jamie Nobel's "cousin Nunzio" is supposed to debut next week. They could have booked him to debut this week and had him take out Rey to get him instantly over as a heel. Albert, pffft. C'mon?!

Early in the show we get a backstage vignette between Dawn Marie and Torrie. Dawn Marie confesses that despite the months of feuding, she really wants to get into Torrie's panties. In exchange for one night of passion, Dawn Marie will not marry Torrie's father. Stay tuned for more.

It seemed to be a night for getting the big, slow guys over. Bill Demott made his first attempt to bring his TE3 fame to Smackdown. Like Albert, Demott is a guy with limited skills that has never really caught on with the fans.

Every federation needs a few big guys to help get the other guys over and hit some big moves every now and then. While I doubt I'll ever buy the "Bill Demott is my favorite wrestler" tee shirt, I did enjoy his match with Funaki. Demott does have an awesome moonsault and his head butt looks wicked, too.

Rikish vs. John Cena with B2 in a rap showdown was a complete waste of time. Call Cena Vanilla Ice or call the two of them Too Cool 2k2, but I just don't see this being a great booking idea. Cena needed something; I just doubt the white rapper gimmick was it.

Awesome 4-way elimination match at the end of the show. Benoit, Guerrero, Edge and Angle were all at the top of their game and it was a blast to watch.

But again the choice of booking has to be questioned. I think we can all agree that Big Show is a lame duck champion and only has the belt because Lesnar needed some time off to heal his rib. As a heel, Big Show must logically lose the title to a baby face, presumably Lesnar. So why would you book Angle to win the number one contenders' match and have the main event for next Sunday be Angle (heel) vs. Big Show (heel)?

Since the fans don't much care for Big Show, they are going to cheer Angle, which goes against his character. Edge should have won the match and then won the belt from Big Show next Sunday.

Lesnar continues his feud with Big Show. You can have Lesnar & Edge team up against Big Show & Angle if need be since Edge's partner Rey is on the shelf. Eventually Edge drops the belt to another heel or either Lesnar or Edge turn on the other. In the end, Lesnar gets his belt back, Edge gets to be champion for a few months and his main event credibility gets a good test. Plus no one has to hear from Big Show. It's a win/win situation all around.

Anyway, Angle won and was immediately attacked by Big Show, thus making Angle the de facto baby face and killing any momentum Angle might have gotten off his hard fought victory.

Instead of closing the show there, we cut to Dawn Marie's hotel. Torrie uses the key Dawn gave her and enter the room. Dawn is waiting for her in lingerie. After some back and fourth debating by Torrie she eventually decides that rubbing roses with Dawn Marie for one night is worth Dawn not marrying her Father. Fade to black.

Interestingly, rumor has it that two versions of the scene were filmed. One is the one that aired with Torrie and Dawn Marie gazing into each others eyes. The other actually had them kiss. No word on why they chose the tamer of the two scenes, but UPN may have been a factor.

I'm fine with the whole soap operaness of this angle, but don't end the show with it. Is this the lasting impression you want to leave viewers with? Wouldn't Angle vs. Big Show have been a better closing note to sell the pay-per-view next week than off-camera lesbianism?

While this is just nitpicky, it bothers me when the WWE does this. On Raw, Eric Bischoff set up "hidden cameras to film wrestlers when they are not looking." Fine. To me that implies that every other camera is out in the open and plotlines should be scripted in a way that wrestlers are aware that there are cameras filming them. Are you telling me that Dawn Marie and Torrie both don't notice the film crew in Dawn Marie's hotel room?

Then again, if I were having my first lesbian encounter, I wouldn't mind a film crew present.

Ho Train Leaves Station
Jim Ross confirmed today in the Ross Report that the Godfather has been released by WWE. I bet he shows up for the 10th anniversary of Raw with 10 hos though. Ross also confirmed what I reported last week that Perry Saturn was released by the WWE. Bye Perry.

Ross Report
Speaking of the Ross Report, here are the rest of the highlight from today's column by Jim Ross: