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Chair Shots
11-15-02
Smackdown
Rundown
There are moments when I'm able to close my eyes and imagine
a world where the only weekly wrestling show is Smackdown.
You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one.
The show
kicked off with a good match between Chavo Guerrero and Edge.
I said a few weeks ago that the Smackdown roster looks smaller
than the Raw roster because it seems like every week we get
some combination of Edge/Rey vs. Eddie/Angle/Benoit. Chavo
is almost interchangeable with Eddie so that still holds true
this week. As enjoyable as their matches are to watch, they
have a very "deja vu" quality to them. Regardless, it was
a good match with some nice spots and reversals.
Smackdown
is not only fun to watch but educational. For example, I did
not know that Matt Hardy loves guacamole. This puts a whole
new spin on his character. Given this new information, I predict
Matt Hardy vs. Brock Lesnar at WrestleMania 2003.
Meanwhile,
back in reality…
Matt's
intro is a nice example of adding subtle humor to a show without
beating us over the head with it. It's just comedy that is
there for your enjoyment, take it or leave it. The exchange
between Kurt Angle ("I have more teeth than you!") and Chris
Benoit ("I have more hair than you") is another way that Smackdown
excels at the use of comedy over Raw. It's character driven
comedy instead of situation comedy. There is no way that as
a character Kurt Angle would hump a corpse. That's something
we can all identify with.
Eddie
Guerrero vs. Rey Mysterio (see comments above) was an incredible
match. How can a guy like The Big Show be in the main event
this Sunday and Eddie gets shuffled into the mid-card? I know
a win over Big Show will be a big boost to Lesnar's career,
but isn't it more of a Smackdown main event than a PPV quality
match? I'm getting ahead of myself here. Eddie vs. Rey = thumbs
up.
I admit
that I've enjoyed the Dawn vs. Torrie storyline that includes
Torrie's father Al, but it's been going on for almost two
months now and I'm failing to see the point. Torrie has won
every match they've had and yet each week we get a new chapter.
Make a WWE spinoff show called "As the Chair Turns" and get
it over with already.
The show's
main event match of Kurt Angle vs. Chris Benoit (see comments
above) had promise but was simply too short. I'm not sure
if they are trying to save the match, which we've seen before,
for a later date or just trying to give a last minute push
to buy the PPV. Either way, it left me a tad disappointed.
Brock
Lesnar and Big Show had their final confrontation before Sunday,
which resulted in Big Show being laid out in the ring with
a chair. I'm all for the destruction and beating of Big Show
but if this is one of those things where the last man standing
before the PPV match actually loses at the PPV, then take
me now, oh Lord.
Rumors
are already swirling that Lesnar has a broken rib and may
need time off. After all the build up of Brock as an unstoppable
champion, I'd hate to see the WWE make him lose the belt to
Big Slow on Sunday because of injury. In wrestling logic that
would mean that Big Show is better than The Rock, The Undertaker
and Hulk Hogan, when in reality we know that Big Show and
a cardboard cut-out of Jay Leno are equally entertaining and
talented.
Jim
Ross Announces Signings
Jim Ross announced in the Ross Report today that the WWE has
reached a verbal agreement with Nathan Jones, who has worked
for Zero-One in Japan and the WWA. They have also signed a
new female wrestler out of Toronto named Gail Kim. Both are
expected to debut some time in December. Ross also mentioned
that Ernest Miller might be given a chance in WWE in 2003,
not because of his associations but because of his talent
(his friendship with Eric Bischoff). Yay, Cat.
Oh,
You Didn't Know?
Former WWE star and former member of DX Chyna, who used to
date former DX member Triple H, has announced that she is
engaged to former DX member X-Pac (Sean Waltman.) The engagement
took place November 1, 2002 at The Deep in Los Angeles, California
followed by a celebration in Vegas shortly after. Waltman
is currently going through a divorce.
I predict
the two will be happily married for about a year until one
day when X-Pac catches Chyna making out with The Road Dogg.
Embittered by the divorce, X-Pac will seek solace in the loving
arms of Mr. Ass.
Waltman's
celebration in Vegas with Chyna did stir up some trouble.
Sean was expected to wrestle a match the next night for NWA:TNA.
The morning of the PPV, Sean called Jerry Jarrett and said
that he wouldn't be able to make the PPV that night. The card
had to be changed. One wonders how much longer Sean can pull
his diva moves with NWA before being released.
WWE
Lawsuit
The WWE has filed a lawsuit against video game maker Acclaim
concerning a dispute over use of the WWE copyrights. Acclaim
and the WWE have already been battling over the assets left
by ECW. It always amazes me how many court cases the WWE is
either filing or fighting. Just when one goes away (Nicole
Bass), two more pop up.
Ratings
The bottom of the barrel gets closer and closer with each
passing week. RAW scored a 3.1 rating this week. This is the
lowest Raw rating since 1997 when RAW was getting beat by
WCW Nitro. Now they are able to hit that number all on their
own without competition. This does not bode well going into
Survivor Series on Sunday. WWE Super Tuesday finished with
a 2.3 network rating. It's not great but it is better than
the show that usually airs in that time slot, Haunted.
Dude,
Where's My Brother?
The FX Network has agreed to air the upcoming feature film
based on the life of Owen Hart. Currently titled The Owen
Hart Story, the film is being developed by Paul A. Kaufman's
Kaufman Co. for Artisan Television. Artisan reached a deal
with Owen's wife, Martha Hart, last year to gain the rights
to the story.
Scott
Steiner News
The WWE has made an agreement with the WWA to prevent Scott
from going on an upcoming WWA tour. They are loaning them
the services of Perry Saturn and The Godfather. Talk about
your trade of the century. Stil no word on how the WWA is
going to get their world title from Steiner back before he
debuts for the WWE. Rumor has it Scott may debut this Sunday.
Survivor
Series Wishes
Predictions bore me. Rather than guess who will win their
match this Sunday, here is how I would book the PPV. If it
just so happens to turn out this way, so much the better for
everyone involved.
Brock
Lesnar vs. Big Show Smackdown World Title
If the rumors are true that Lesnar needs time off to heal
a broken rib, then there is a better way of resolving the
issue than giving the title to Big Show. Brock dominates the
match, but is unable to hit the F5 after the first few tries.
When he attempts to hit it a third time, Scott Steiner makes
his debut and attacks Brock. Steiner hits him with a chair,
etc… and leaves him bloody and lying in the ring. The match
is a disqualification. Lesanr takes time off to heal while
Steiner feuds VERY BRIEFLY with Big Show, who is upset that
his title shot was cut short. Lesnar eventually returns to
feud with Steiner.
If Lesnar
doesn't need time off and can just work injured, then he destroys
Big Show within 10 minutes and hits the moonsault he is rumored
to be capable of, to the delight and amazement of fans.
William
Regal & Lance Storm vs. The Hurricane & Goldust
This is a
filler match if I've ever seen one. Goldust and Hurricane
should get the win because they have the dignity not to wear
those trunks that look like fancy underwear.
Trish
Stratus vs. Victoria Hardcore Rules Women's Title Match
Long time fans of this column may recall that in my opinion
the best women's match ever was on Raw several years ago between
Ivory and Terri (Powers, not Runnels) in a hardcore match.
If this is half the match that was then it should be enjoyable.
If not, it's just another pointless women's match. Victoria
should win the title so that she has no reason to give promos.
Jeff
Hardy, Bubba Ray and Spike vs. 3-Minute Warning and Rico 6
Man Tag Match
Rico stands out like a sore thumb next to Three Minute Warning.
Regardless, 3-Min needs the win much more than Hardy, and
the Dudleys. This is an opening match at best.
Edge
& Rey Mysterio vs. Eddie & Chavo Guerrero vs. Kurt Angle &
Chris Benoit
Triple Threat Smackdown Tag Team Championship Match
As long as this match is equal to the level of talent in the
ring it doesn't matter who wins. Four out of the six guys
are some of the best wrestlers ever and the other two ain't
half bad either (you decide who's who). Rey and Edge should
retain the tag team gold just for the sake of simplicity.
Jamie
Nobel vs. Billy Kidman Cruiserweight Championship
This is another possible contender for opening match. Again,
its nothing we haven't seen on Smackdown before. I'd let Nobel
retain the belt until a more entertaining challenger comes
around. Sorry, Billy. It's just not your night. Besides, you
get to have sex with Torrie Wilson. You'll get no sympathy
from me.
Triple
H vs. Chris Jericho vs. Kane vs. Booker T vs. Rob Van Dam
vs. Shawn Michaels Elimination Chamber Match
The Elimination Chamber sounds and looks like a glorified
cage match, but then again, Hell in a Cell was just a cage
with a roof. God only knows if it will be half as successful.
One of the things that the WWE always does when ratings are
low is blame the current WWE champion and force him to lose
the title. Triple H hasn't had a good match since returning
from his injury in January and I blame a lot of the WWE's
current crop of problems on him. He's failed to put over Booker
T and Rob Van Dam. The only person he will sell moves for
these days is his old buddy Shawn Michaels.
Booker
T is ready for the world title but I doubt the WWE is ready
to give it to him.
Every
time Shawn Michaels talks about a comeback, he says "one more
match." As much as I'd like to see him be the world champion
again, he doesn't deserve it if he can't defend it.
Kane's
world title chances ended with the Kane-a-Roonie and received
their funeral with the Katie Vick angle.
Chris
Jericho had a good run with the title at the end of last year
but his star has steadily fallen since then.
As much
as wrestling fans complain that Rob Van Dam is a wasted talent
in the WWE, Rob doesn't have the personality to be a world
champion. Lay off the pot, Rob, and get a haircut you hippie.
Given
all that, Booker T should be the one to win the first ever
Elimination chamber match. He's over with the fans, can cut
a decent promo, isn't holding back other wrestlers with his
backstage influence and is smart enough to stay out of angles
like the Katie Vick murder. If only the WWE saw things my
way.
Back
on Tuesday to rant, I'm sure.
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