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I miss Elisabeth Filarski.

Chairshots
10/12/01

Smackdown
I'll be completely honest with all of you. I taped Smackdown because my appendix burst. Don't think for a minute that I was watching Friends, Survivor or the San Jose Sharks game, because man, it ain't like that. I was just walking along Thursday afternoon and BAM!, burst appendix fluid all over the floor. I promise to watch Smackdown right after my innards are sewn back up. On an unrelated note, can you believe that Clarence ate two cherries? Dude, cherries don't grow on trees in Africa! Well they do, but not canned ones. Already I'm picking Samburu to be the dominant tribe. I mean….ow, my appendix.

Big Heat
The World Wrestling Federation returns to Madison Square Garden for a live event this Sunday. Since everyone will be in town anyway, the WWF figured they would send all the wrestlers over to WWF New York to host Sunday Night Heat. The Rock, Stone Cold, Kurt Angle, Undertaker and more will all be in the house and according to the WWF, anything can happen. Anything, they say? If anything can happen, then I'd like to see Hulk Hogan wrestle Andre the Giant in a steel cage match for the ECW World Championship belt this Sunday on Heat with Jesse Ventura refereeing. Since I doubt that that will be happening, they have announced that Booker T will face Edge. What a let down.

A Rose by Any Other Name
WWFE has officially changed the name of its December pay-per-view, again. Originally named "Armageddon", that was changed to "Payback" after the September 11th attacks. Now they have changed it again to "Vengeance", so as not to be confused withy the Mel Gibson action comedy movie from 1999. Other possible named were:
"Greed"
"Wrestlepalooza"
"Attack of the Hollys"
"Lord of the Ring"
"WCW Sucks and This Pay Per View Proves It"
"Boobs Boobs Boobs"
"We're Not Really Even Trying and You'll Still Buy It"
"Stone Cold Opens a Can of Whoop Ass on Osama Bin Laden Christmas Speical."
"This Girl Walking By My Desk is Hot"
"Vince McMahon's Butt Bongo Fiesta"

Let Them Eat Whoppers
The WWF has kicked off a month-long in-restaurant promotion campaign with Burger King in the United Kingdom, featuring the introduction of "The Rumble Zone" with a free 'goodie bag' containing exclusive WWFE merchandise with every Kids Club meal. The promotion, supported by a national television ad campaign, began Sept. 28 and runs through Oct. 26 in 482 participating UK Burger King restaurants. The only reason I'm reporting this is because I know we have a large European readership and I really want free stuff.

Ross Report

Big Show suffered a minor ankle sprain, but will not miss any ring time.

Shawn Stasiak's injured groin (originally thought to be a hernia) is almost 100 percent. He also had his knee drained last week.

Chris Jericho received five stitches above his right eye after working with Rob Van Dam at Smackdown.

Rikishi is roughly one month away from returning. Ross wrote that Rikishi will be working on his conditioning until then. "It's crunch time," Ross wrote.

D-Von Dudley is working through a pinched nerve in his neck.

Ross will visit a fire station near Ground Zero in New York on Sunday morning. Other WWF personalities will also make appearances in various New York City locations this weekend.

Triple H still looks to return in December from quadriceps tendon surgery. He looks great.

Chris Benoit is on target for an early 2002 return following neck surgery. We can't wait to get him back.

Hardcore Holly is feeling great after having the screws and plate removed from his arm. He'll be back in about five months and may be a part of Tough Enough 2.

The "Weakest Link" episode featuring WWF wrestlers will be taped on Oct. 24 and will air on NBC on Nov. 12.

Mick Foley will tape a celebrity version of "Who Wants to be a Millionaire" on Thursday.

I want to wish Helen Hart a speedy recovery in Calgary. The matriarch of the Hart Family is truly a wonderful lady. She is in our prayers.

Yeah, mine too. This is usually the point in the column where I say "see you Monday" but I won't be here on Monday. Instead, tune in for a very special Chairshots as written by Fanboy Editor, Derek McCaw. Nothing is quite as funny as wrestling news from a guy who watches wrestling twice a year. Catch me later.