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CHAIR SHOTS
10-03-03
I'm Michael
Goodson and this is Chairshots. I'm not sure why I'm filling
in for Chris Garcia this week but you can bet it has something
to do with his man crush on Eddie Guerrero.
Smackdown
Rundown
Eddie Guerrero is so over he needs to be elevated to the main
event or moved to Raw to give that show the star power it
needs. Raw hasn't really helped RVD's career, so trade RVD
for Eddie and call it even.
APA vs.
The Bash Ems was well timed. It went on just long enough to
bore me and then quickly ended with a good looking big move
by Bradshaw on Shaniqua. The only downside to it is that it
means the two teams will fight again another day.
Chris
Benoit vs. Charlie Haas is just good wrestling. Both guys
are great wrestlers so I was left wondering why the feud the
writers are pushing is Benoit vs. Albert instead. Albert is
just mini Big Show with an equal amount of talent (i.e.,
none). One of the cool things about me is that I totally bashed
Sable as a no talent arm piece when she quit the WWE years
ago and still lust after her like a 14 year old boy every
time she comes on Smackdown now. Drool…
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Not
actually from Smackdown --
but it would have held Goodson's interest.
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I hate
to sound like a cast member of "Queer Eye," but Stephanie
McMahon needs a hot oil treatment and a breast reduction.
She looks more like Evil Steph with each bodice popping leather
pants stretching outfit she wears.
I'd also
like to set the record straight about Vince and Stephanie's
match at No Mercy. It will not be the first Father / Daughter
"I Quit" match in history. It will just be the first one without
tickling that doesn't end up with Daddy crying "Mommy, make
her stop!" Derek knows what I'm talking about.
Big Show
eats Eddie Guerrero's burritos, gets diarrhea and loses his
match to Orlando Jones? Seriously, who thought this would
be funny? Are eight year olds writing Smackdown storylines
these days? Squirting poopy noise is not har har funny.
Brock
Lesnar, Kurt Angle, John Cena and The Undertaker. I guess
if you're going to have an Undertaker main event, the best
thing to do is put him in the ring with three other guys that
know how to wrestle. The main event was well booked, with
the young guys doing most of the wrestling and the Undertaker
providing the big power moves. Nothing wrong with that.
Even
with the few totally stupid things on Smackdown (Bash Ems
and Burritos), the show was still better last night than any
Raw in recent memory and the Raw brand PPV fans paid thirty
bucks to see last month.
Yep, everything
in the wrestling world is right where I left it.
Hogan
Meets Hillbillies
Jeff and Jerry Jarrett had a four-hour meeting with Hulk Hogan
and Jimmy Hart on September 12th in Tampa. TNA is looking
for a big name wrestler to take their little dog and pony
show to the next level.
Hogan
has enough name value that it could get some TV networks looking
at TNA more seriously. Potential ad revenue from adult diapers
and tanning cream should make the deal lucrative. The downside
is Hogan doesn't come cheap and he also has bad history with
Vince Russo. Take a wait and see approach.
Raw
Rating
RAW's rating bottomed out at 3.4 this week. The rating is
down from a 3.6 from last week and a 3.7 from the week before.
That's understandable considering the quality of Raw. What
I don't understand is the rating breakdown.The highest rated
segment of the show was a 3.9 for the Jim Ross/Jonathan Coachman
match in the fifth quarter. The RVD/Christian Ladder match
did a low 3.3 rating in Q8.
Who the
hell wants to see Jim Ross vs. Coach more than RVD vs. Christian
in a Ladder Match? I swear we live in bizarro world.
SummerSlam
2004 Canceled
The latest buyrate information on WWE SummerSlam in August
is a .74, which is about 395,000 buys. The original estimate
was 370,000. However, even that small increase would put 2003
SummerSlam as the second (geek voice) worst. SummerSlam buyrate.
Ever.
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The
secret to that golden skin?
Jell-o Butterscotch pudding.
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Of course
the worst SummerSlam buyrate was 1996 in which Goldust and
Marc Mero wrestled each other naked. For four hours. In pudding.
What were they thinking?
God
Rest Ye, Merry Gentlemen
WWE has settled its lawsuit with Lewmar Inc. for $9 million.
WWE believed that the equipment Lewmar Inc. provided on the
night of Owen Hart's death failed to properly hold the wrestler,
thus causing his death. The settlement also prohibits anyone
from either company to comment on the settlement. This gets
WWE back some of the $18 million it paid to Martha Hart in
her lawsuit against them.
The
Thrillica in North America
Bret Hart acknowledged Kurt Angle's recent friendly challenge
to a match in his Calgary Sun column. "Not long ago, I actually
awoke from a dream in which I had Angle clamped in a side
headlock. Never in all my years in the WWF did I ever dream
of a wrestling match. It made me realize if I was going to
return for just one more great match, I'd want Angle to be
the opponent." Big words from the legend.
I'm not
sure what kind of shape Hart is in. He did suffer a stroke
a while back but last I heard he was recovering nicely. WrestleMania
XX isn't too far down the road…
That's
it for me this week. See you all…next time?
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