My nephew has been fired.

Chair Shots

9-27-02

Smackdown Rundown
If you missed Smackdown last night then you missed the best WWE show of the year. There was nothing offensive, nothing controversial, no false finishes, no over hyped letdowns and more hot matches than Stacy Keibler has legs.

Let's just skip over Rikishi vs. Chavo because in my mind they are pushing the wrong guy. Despite being a bullet-filled bad ass, Rikishi is just a one trick pony in the ring. Chavo is never going to get out of Uncle Eddie's shadow if he can't even get a win over a guy that can't run the length of a football field without stopping for a nap.

Next, Torrie and Nidia came out for a bikini contest. Ordinarily I enjoy seeing skin, but it's usually so pointlessly gratuitous that I feel dirty for watching. However, when the point of it is to set up a pretty good little tag match between The Heterosexuals and the West Virginia-Japan Connection then I'm fine with it. A well booked match with some cool spots.

I don't know what it is about Funaki, but he kills me. He should have his own half hour sitcom on NBC. I honestly haven't enjoyed a squash match like that since Iron Mike Sharp wrestled The Viking. I could totally sit through an official rematch next week, that was so fun.

You know how you can tell that Brock Lesnar is the next big thing? His ring intros are now over a minute and thirty seconds. Better watch out Skippy, or Hogan and Triple H are going to get jealous.

Speaking of Brock, why are he and the Undertaker still feuding? Does the WWE think that there is still money in this feud? Lesnar should have pinned Taker on Sunday and moved on. I can't see them dragging this out until SummerSlam. How about they settle this once and for all in a steel cage next week on Smackdown (ratings pop)?

Lesnar will pin Undertaker. Since there isn't time to build up another challenger for SummerSlam, Eric and Stephanie agree that there will be a mini tournament there with the winner facing Brock later that night in the main event. Edge, Benoit, RVD and Booker T are all added to the tourney and one goes into the main event. Triple H interferes in RVD's match so Booker advances. Benoit beats Edge but not before Edge injures Benoit's arm. Booker T gets a win over the injured Benoit and advances to the main event. Lesnar beats Booker but Booker loses no heat since you can always say that Booker T had already wrestled two other times that night.

In one paragraph, I've booked the main event for next week's Smackdown and 4 matches at the next PPV. My way, four guys that are all ready to be big main event wrestlers get big matches at the PPV and Booker T gets a title shot for getting over with the crowd despite being saddled with Goldust. Wouldn't fans rather see that rather than Lesnar vs. Undertaker again?

Meanwhile, back in reality…

Edge and Eddie Guerrero gave away the best free match on TV this year and a better match than "Raw champ" Triple H has had since he returned from his injury. How these guys can have one awesome match after another and still not get a bigger push than Triple H escapes me. (coughpoliticscough)

If that wasn't enough, the 3 best wrestlers in North America today finished the show with a match that was innovative, fast paced and filled with "holy sh*t" moments. Unlike Eddie and Edge, they didn't need big spots off ladders to make my jaw drop. The only flaw to the match was that it wasn't long enough. Smackdown did what it was supposed to do, which was leave me wanting more. Compare this show to Raw on Monday and it's easy to see why the WWE is more bi-polar than my first girlfriend.

Bubba Boo Boo Update
WWE.com gave us an update on Bubba Ray's arm that I reported on Tuesday. He apparently has a pinched nerve in his neck which is causing the numbness. After an MRI and treatment, he was cleared to return to work.

Ratings Perspective
In almost every Chairshots I report the ratings. Some of you may know what these numbers mean and some of you may just skip that section all together. To give you some perspective on the ratings decline of Raw recently I've discovered this example. A few years ago, Raw was the number one show on cable. This week Raw was the number five show. Now, there is no shame in getting outwatched by shows like the Sopranos and a hot NFL game on ESPN, but this week Raw was beaten in the rating by the premiere of Jenna Elfman's Lifetime original movie "Obsessed." Vince McMahon jobbed to Dharma.

Smackdown got a tiny reward for their efforts this week, however. The show scored a 3.6 rating which is .1 better than their 3.5 from last week. Doesn't sound like big news but last night was premiere night on NBC and there was a new episode of Survivor. WWE should be thankful the rating didn't drop, let alone rise.

Sweating with the Oldie
Tired of watching wrestler X use the same 5 moves he's been using since 1997? So is the WWE, which is why Arn Anderson has been holding some in-ring workouts prior to Raw tapings. The workouts have primarily been attended by the younger wrestlers which is rumored to have caused some backstage pouting. The veteran wrestlers don't believe they should have to partake and the lower card wrestlers don't think they should have to participate if the veterans don't have to. The WWE has even gone so far as to encourage wrestlers like Tommy Dreamer, Justin Credible and Steven Richards to attend.

Steiner Update
Scott Steiner has signed to appear for Stars & Stripes Championship Wrestling Inc. on October 29, 2002 at Medieval Times in Lyndhurst, NJ for their event entitled Hell-O-Ween. I'm betting that's going to be a spook-taclular event.

WWE Drops the Axe
The WWE rosters are a little thinner today as Mike Awesome, Horace Hogan, and Shawn Stasiak were all given their 90-day notices to pack up and get out. More wrestlers might have been let go but their names have not been confirmed. I think we can all agree that these three were wasting the company dime. Mike Awesome hasn't been popular since he left ECW. Shawn Stasiak had a short run as a running gag in the WWE, but was never able to take it to the next level. And unfortunately, the first sign that there is trouble between the management of a wrestling company and Hulk Hogan is that his nephew is fired. Tada!

Jeremy Borash of NWA:TNA has already commented on the WWE firings today by saying, "it can be the best thing for your career if there is somewhere else to go." Take that however you want.

Out With the Old, In With the New
Jim Ross announced today that the WWE is in talks with Ultimate (Ultimo, J.R.) Dragon and want him signed by 2003. He was backstage on Monday. Spanky will be getting a dark match tryout in the near future. Ross wrote that WWE is looking at several other cruiserweights.

WWE Stock Holders Meeting
Vince McMahon spoke at the annual shareholders meeting today. I'll spare you the boring parts and give you the highlights.