9-24-02
A Shout Out To My Homies
I'm back from Italy and it was a blast. While it does suck
to be on a plane/bus for hour after hour, it was well worth
the trip. Everyone should go, but if you can wait until they
invent the teleporter, I recommend you do.
While I was gone, Chairshots was masterfully handled by
two Fanboyplanet staffers, Chris Garcia and Sarah Stanek.
Chris showed that he knows more about wrestling than I could
ever hope (or desire) to. When someone starts throwing around
names like Bronko Nagurski, you know you are in the presence
of The Wrestling Geek.
More impressive was that Sarah forced herself to watch a full two hours of wrestling without baking, frying, boiling or grilling anything during the slow matches. And while she may have gotten more PPV predictions correct than I have in recent memory, I'm still taller and have more body hair.
Moving right along…
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Gotsta
gotsta Stratisfy...
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The Raw Runthrough
You know what is great about being gone for a full week of
columns? I can totally rip Raw a new one and it won't seem
like I just did that last week. Actually, Raw wasn't that
bad this week, but it wasn't that great either.
The show started with one of the better women's matches
in recent memory, but that isn't really saying a whole lot.
All the women on the WWE roster are still having matches that
look like fake fighting and my imagination isn't willing to
fill in the blanks for them. Maybe they need to actually start
hitting each other and then I'll be Stratisfied.
Apparently Unforgiven was so dull that even the wrestlers in the back didn't watch it. Why else would Booker T have to show them highlights of the Stephanie/Bischoff/Rikishi action? Oh, because it gave Eric a chance to get all huffed up at Booker T and make a few matches. Ok, I'll buy that but honestly, I didn't even see the PPV and found the replay dull. Not one of the better storyline payoffs and it did piss off some fans that Steph neither made out with another woman nor show her bare ass. (Did you really think she would in the first place?)
Eric also managed to work into his diatribe that all contracts
have been frozen in the WWE and no more wrestlers can jump
from one show to the other. Smooth delivery, Captain Exposition.
Chris Nowinski had an "old school" hardcore match with Tommy
Dreamer. I was surprised to see Nowinski since I'd read earlier
that he was taking time off for some jaw surgery. All became
clear when they finished the match with Tommy popping him
in the jaw with the Singapore cane. That explains why he'll
need time off, but what about his storyline with him trying
to take Molly's virginity?
On second thought, let's not remind the writers about that one.
Sarah may not like lameass gimmicks but Randy Orton needs
one. Sure he can wrestle, but just being the clean cut white
guy is dull. I'm a clean cut white guy and I can wrestle as
good as Mick Foley can but you don't see me on TV, do you?
Looking at my notes there is a scribble that says "Rock
- not even Dilos." I honestly have no idea what that means,
but I'm sure it was insightful and poignant at the time.
When was the last time you thought to yourself, "Ric Flair
sure was entertaining tonight?" I feel the same way.
No, no Bubba, this IS the Triple H show. Clearly, you were
misinformed.
Jericho vs. Goldust was surprisingly good. I was far more entertained than I thought I would be.
Kane and The Hurricane are such a logical pairing that I put them together months ago in Book It. No real point here other than self praise and yet another plug for my new book "Why the WWE Should Hire Me." Ok, It's really more of a pamphlet.
Overall the show was better than some of the steaming piles of poop the Raw writers have served us, but by no means a fine, gourmet burrito.
Rocco Rock Dies
Flyboy Rocco Rock, real name Ted Petty, died Saturday night at the age of 49. The apparent cause of death is a massive heart attack. Rocco had wrestled hours earlier against Crowbar at the 3PW show in Jersey City and was scheduled to wrestle again but didn't make it to the second match. He is best known for his days as half of the Public Enemy tag-team with partner Johnny Grunge. Our condolences go out to his friends and family.
Oh, You Didn't Know?
In other bad news, "Road Dogg" Jesse (real name Brian) James was involved in a car accident Saturday morning. Road Dogg was rear ended by a Suzuki XL 7 which forced his knees to smash into the dashboard. He suffered internal damage and was taken to the hospital. He is in stable condition at this time.
Steve Austin Gets a Date
A trial date of October 9 has been set for Steve Austin for the misdemeanor charges of assault on his wife Debra. The incident happened back in June in what I like to call the 'Steve Austin has gone insane week." A newswire report quotes Austin as saying that although he's never been in court, he's sure "it'll work out just fine." He was also quoted recently as saying that he is going to work on rebuilding his marriage rather than work on a return to pro-wrestling. Good to see his priorities are finally straight and that's he's no longer listening to the voices that were telling him to kill Gorilla Monsoon.
Shawn Michael News
Shawn Michaels was backstage at Unforgiven Sunday night. WWE.com
asked him about his back and he said, "It's not bad. The adrenaline
lasted for about a week; I didn't feel anything. After a week
it started to tighten up." When asked about the possibility
of another return to the ring he said, "One more at WrestleMania,
and then I think I'll call it quits. Actually, I don't think;
that'll be it."
I'm convinced no one ever really leaves pro-wrestling. I'm
willing to bet that Koko B. Ware is going to headline WrestleMania
before the end of the decade.
Bubba Boo Boo
Bubba Ray Dudley injured his arm on Monday night. He's not
quite sure when but WWE is reporting that he suffered some
numbness and loss of feeling in the arm. This isn't the first
time, either. A similar problem happened during his match
with Lance Storm last week. Bubba is on the verge of the biggest
singles push he's had in his life and could be sidelined with
an injury. As they say in Italy, "That would suck."
Ratings
The rating for Raw was up this week which is typical, though
not always a given, the night after a PPV. Raw scored a 3.6
this week compared to the abysmal 3.4 they have scored the
two previous weeks.
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"I
feel pretty...oh, so..."
Crap. Now WE'RE going
to get sued.
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Vince Testifies!
WWE owner and my hero Vince McMahon took the stand last Thursday
to testify in the Nicole Bass sexual harassment suit she has
against the WWE. Bass alleges that during her 5 month run
in the WWF (it was called that then, please don't think I
mean the World Wildlife Foundation), Steve Lombardi grabbed
her breasts and grinded his groin against hers during a flight
to England. She also says that she was ridiculed by the other
wrestlers, which in my cynical opinion isn't that hard to
believe based on her looks. McMahon denied knowledge of any
sexual harassment of Bass. "You're just trying to throw dirt
against the wall, trying to make something stick." He also
called the lawsuit "a smear" against his company. "She just
didn't have the coordination to develop her skills…In our
business; she was not a world-class athlete." WWE lawyer Jerry
McDevitt told the court that Bass simply was not a good wrestler
and that she could only do one move, a chokeslam. McMahon
testified for 2 hours and was then given a lollipop and sent
on his way.
Ventura to Return to Wrestling
Minnesota Governor and former WWF star Jesse Ventura stated
on MSNBC that he plans to return to wrestling. Jesse recently
announced that he does not plan to run for reelection and
that it will take him 3 years to get back in shape. It is
rumored that his first opponent will be Florida Governor Jeb
Bush in a First Blood match but don't count on it because
I just made that up.
Did you miss me?
