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Baseball
and my bowels are back on schedule.
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Chairshots
9/17/01
Raw Preview
Raw is live tonight from Nashville, TN with only 6 days until Unforgiven.
Steve Austin and Kurt Angle are sure to have words with each other in
order to build the hype for their match. Will we see some other rip
off...I mean "homage" to an old Austin angle or will we see something
new?
Just like Smackdown, The Rock is once again taking
on Test and Stephanie McMahon which makes no sense since The Rock has
a match against Booker T and Shane McMahon this Sunday. Either the WWF
writers got the scripts mixed up or you can expect some Booker interference
in The Rock's match tonight.
Edge has been off TV since his brother turned on
him. He should return to action tonight, as should Kane. Kane has finally
recovered from his elbow infection and is probably looking to lay the
smack down on Kronic for putting the Undertaker through a table last
week. All this plus Stone Cold Steve Austin teams up with Rob Van Dam
to take on Kurt Angle and Chris Jericho.
10 Ways to Improve WWF Raw
Slow news week, for obvious reasons, so I figured I'd finally weigh
in with a few simple things the WWF can do to keep fans happy and improve
the show.
#1 Due to the recent rise in interference and disqualifications,
Commissioner Regal is banning all wrestlers from ringside (except managers)
for 90 days. This will force the WWF creative team to work a little
harder to build heat for feuds.
#2 Along the same lines, Commissioner Regal declares
that all matches must end in pin fall or submission for the next 30
days. Any wrestlers that use foreign objects in a non-hardcore title
match will be heavily fined. Again, this provides the fans more clean
finishes since the creative team can't end every match in a big screw
job.
#3 Stop showing the "moments ago" segments after
commercial breaks. The WWF started doing that when Nitro was running
at the same time and fans switched back and forth between the two shows.
Now the fans were all watching "moments ago" and you're just boring
them.
#4 No match on Raw can be under four minutes. I'm
so tired of two minute matches with screw job endings.
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Meow.
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#5 Less X-pac, Albert, Billy Gunn, Big Show, Test
and Saturn. More Tajiri, Raven, Chavo, Hurricane and full female frontal
nudity.
#6 Provide a good explanation as to why WCW and
ECW are still invading the WWF and why the WWF continues to let them
be on television at all.
#7 Ok, this idea is a little out there, but...In
every other sport the announcers talk about a team or player's stats.
"Team A is on a 3 game winning streak" or "Player B is close to a new
world record." Why not do the same thing with wrestling? Wouldn't one
wrestler interfering in another wrestler's match cause more excitement
if it meant that a 12-win winning streak had been broken? It also gives
more reason to hate the heel wrestlers because you know they cheat just
to pad their stats. It's not the best idea I ever had, but it could
work.
#8 No McMahon can speak on camera for more than
four minutes per week combined. From Raw to Smackdown, each McMahon
gets four minutes of speaking time to cut promos, do backstage skits
or whatever, but no more than four minutes! Wrestling is about wrestlers
and the good wrestlers are never going to learn to talk if someone else
is always doing it for them.
#9 Never mention Debra's cookies again. If you've
been watching long enough, then you know that the cookies started out
as a simple joke, but it has snowballed in to this giant "HERE COMES
DEBRA'S COOKIE SEGMENT OF THE WEEK" thing. Enough already.
#10 World Title defenses should happen only on pay-per-views.
I'll get flack for this, but the title should really only be defended
once (maybe twice) a month. Having a title defense every week ruins
the excitement of a pay-per-view. Isn't it more thrilling to buy a pay-per-view
if you know the title may change hands that night, rather than the next
night on Raw? This makes room in the main event for those mid-card wrestlers
that need to be elevated.
I guess we will see how Raw does tonight. Tune
in Wednesday for more pointless ranting.